Exploring Identity & Hypnosis - Part 1 - MIND

A quiet lake, an overcast sky, a loon stretching its wings and then we go straight into the thing most of us avoid until life forces it: identity. We start with the deceptively simple question “Who am I?” and pull on the thread until it reveals how often we live from a self-story we didn’t fully choose. The surprising part is how invisible that story can be, because it feels like home. 

We talk about judgment as a learned habit that often pretends to be safety. The mind keeps old evaluations “fortified,” reviving them whenever a similar person or situation shows up, and then quietly turning that same harshness back onto ourselves. From there we explore identity as a lens that shapes perception and memory, and why neuroscience suggests behavior change usually sticks only when identity shifts at the subconscious level. 

Along the way we use everyday examples, from tying your shoes to handwriting pride to the way “bad ankles” can become a permanent label even after the body improves. We also dig into how identity gets poked in relationships, why teasing works, and how uniqueness can feel both exciting and dangerous when we fear criticism or being pushed out of the group. We close by planting a key tool: metacognition, or mindful observation, and hint at the next doorway this opens the emotion-thought loop and the classic line “Why does this always happen to me?” 

Subscribe so you don’t miss what comes next, share this with a friend who loves personal growth and self-awareness, and leave a review if it helps. What identity label do you think is quietly running your day?

Transcript

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Lake Morning And The Big Question

SPEAKER_01 0:10

We are on the line.

SPEAKER_00 0:13

An overcast day at the lake, at the time of year when everything is sort of at its peak. Things are as full as they're going to be, as colorful as they're going to be. The green is the greenest green. Because it rained last night, it helps. But all the flowers are poking up, and all the leaves are big and broad and wide. And the animals are everywhere. We're looking at, I think. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's a loon.

SPEAKER_03 0:47

Really?

SPEAKER_00 0:48

Yeah, look at it spreading its wings.

SPEAKER_03 0:50

Aww.

SPEAKER_00 0:51

I think that's a loon. Which is surprising because they don't usually come this close to us.

SPEAKER_01 0:55

It's getting sun on its wings or something. Or drying out, I guess.

SPEAKER_00 1:00

Could be drying out. It was a rainy night. Yeah. And as we sit here staring at the beautiful outside, we're talking about identity. It's a huge topic. Huge topic. It's gonna be multiple podcasts.

SPEAKER_01 1:17

Probably a hundred.

SPEAKER_00 1:18

Yeah. Yeah. So just you know, you want to start? Let's start with that question. Ask yourself, who am I? Because you tell your story all the time.

SPEAKER_03 1:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:29

You're always telling your story to others, even when you don't plan on it. We're always talking about our past. Yeah. Always talking about who we are. Yeah. What we perceive is shaped by who we think we are, what we think we are, what situation we think we're in, and who we are within those situations.

SPEAKER_03 1:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:54

And it's okay if there's multiple me's, multiple things at multiple times.

SPEAKER_01 2:00

Yeah, it's like identity comes to the surface just based on different moments in the day or different experiences, different people around you.

SPEAKER_03 2:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:11

Your identity is probably different from when you're alone to when you're with somebody.

SPEAKER_00 2:19

Yeah. Sometimes it's it's like the world is a mirror because what goes on in front of us brings out of us a personality, a response that is really originating in, you know, what this situation means about me and who I am in such a situation.

SPEAKER_01 2:41

Yeah. Do you think this is may maybe too deep to start off so

How Judgment Becomes A Habit

SPEAKER_01 2:45

we can come back to this or just get it all get rid of it? But uh do you think, as we all are, we we can be judgmental of others when we see them? Do you think if we thought to ourselves, I my part of my identity is judging others? Do you think we'd like to keep that identity?

SPEAKER_00 3:07

So I think that we are trained to judge. It's part of a child's program. We start off evaluating and we have preferences, but we take it further so that that which we don't prefer gets judged as bad.

SPEAKER_01 3:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:26

And I think that we are taught to judge and how to judge. And I think it's possible that some people see that judgment as a necessary part of their safety.

SPEAKER_01 3:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:38

I don't think it is. I think for most people, when they release judgment, even in little situations and only from time to time, they're happier.

SPEAKER_01 3:50

Yeah.

unknown 3:51

Right.

SPEAKER_00 3:52

A judgment of something outside yourself has to be hung on to and it has to be fortified. We have to keep thinking it. Every time we bump into a similar situation or a similar person, we revive that judgment. And somewhere in our subconscious mind, we think that helps us, that keeps us safer, that helps us to keep away the thing that is negative. So I think we all come upon our judgment naturally. And I think when we start to examine that, our judgment, we start to become happier because we realize we don't need to engage that judgment. But I also think that we learn to apply that judgment across the board, including ourselves.

SPEAKER_01 4:44

You mean like judging ourselves?

SPEAKER_00 4:45

Absolutely. Right. And I I believe that if you if you believe in judgment, right? If you believe in judgment, you apply it to everything.

SPEAKER_03 4:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:55

And if you don't believe in judgment, then you discover how much you apply it to so many things. And then ask yourself, how do I not judge in this circumstance? You know, it's there's there's something honest about trying to be safe, right? There's something honest about a parent or a friend trying to keep somebody else safe. There's something honest about our schooling and our authorities doing their best to keep us safe. And sometimes we think it's better to hate than to forgive because we think that might keep us safe. But I don't think it does. I don't think, you know, you need to add that to keeping yourself safe. I don't need to hate something to say, oh, I don't want that.

SPEAKER_03 5:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:48

Right? I don't have to hate something to say, I think I'm gonna stay over here. Right. And so I think it just becomes a habit, like everything else in the mind. It becomes a habit. And until we spend time examining it, it will continue to be a tool that we use in the hopes of having a better life until

Identity As Your Default Lens

SPEAKER_00 6:10

we discover how it doesn't provide a better life.

SPEAKER_01 6:12

Yeah. So I think judgment is just, you know, it's a tiny little part of identity. But what if we're talking about identity, uh, what does that even mean? You know, for a listener, maybe they're thinking, well, what what are you talking about? Identity, like I am who I am.

SPEAKER_00 6:33

Exactly. Exactly. And all the things so it's really easy not to be able to see your own identity because that's the mental position you engage the world from, right? Like I'm sitting here looking out this window at a particular perspective across the lake, right? I don't even think about changing my perspective, right? This is just my perspective.

SPEAKER_03 6:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:59

This is just my home. I don't have to think about it when I'm looking out there on the world. And my identity is kind of like my home. It's this collection of things that I have come to believe about myself, and that forms the contrast to everything that I see outside me. So I think that it takes some time, some real effort to observe yourself to realize that there are some aspects to my identity that I don't particularly like. And one of them might be, you know, that I look at others and I judge them. Or that I, you know, maybe part of my identity is, you know, situationally specific.

SPEAKER_03 7:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:49

My identity is different when I'm at work. My identity is different when I'm at home. My identity is different when I'm with this friend compared to when I'm with that friend.

SPEAKER_01 8:00

Yeah. I think too, you know, we're we're not we're not born thinking about our identity. And so our identity is really shaped from those formative years of growing up by others and what we prefer, what our ego prefers, what the body-mind prefers.

SPEAKER_00 8:27

Yeah. And we collect that from those we love and we admire. You know, looking at someone who is appearing to have, you know, maybe lots of friends, or somebody appearing to have success, or somebody appearing to have the admiration of a particular group of people can create aspirational parts of our identity. I seek to be like that. I seek to be someone like that. You know, this it's constant comparison. I think that that's uh understanding that's part of the mechanism. Part of the mechanism through which I create my identity is a comparison and a contrast to things around me. It's not just a set of values that I have assimilated from somebody who is my parent or somebody who is my teacher.

SPEAKER_03 9:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:24

It is how I perceive. I mean, there's tons of science that say what you perceive and what you remember, and this is huge, right? What you perceive and what you remember are the things that are consistent with your self-view, things that confirm your identity, the stuff you pay attention to, the stuff you you call your successes are selected based on your aspirations. Who do I want to be? Who I am is a construct.

SPEAKER_03 9:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:00

I just think there's value in understanding where that construct comes from and how that construct operates.

SPEAKER_03 10:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:06

Because neuroscience is showing that what you do, your behavior, flows very much from your identity and much less from any effort you might put in to change your

Small Skills That Become Selfhood

SPEAKER_00 10:20

behavior. If you really want to change behavior, you got to change who you think you are.

SPEAKER_01 10:25

Yeah. Yeah, because it's operating at the subconscious level. It's not even conscious. We don't walk around thinking, I am a person who, blah, blah, blah, right? We just do. It's like tying our shoes. We don't think. I am a person who can tie their shoes while we're doing it. We just do it. I mean, that's really, really simple example. And not really emotional.

SPEAKER_00 10:47

I think it's a neat example because, you know, um, how many times do you bend down and tie your shoes and have that, you do it really fast, and you have that little sense of like a little kid saying, Look what I did. Look what I can do.

SPEAKER_01 11:08

I guess when I think back, yeah, there is a little bit of an emotion there. I don't think it, but there's maybe like a little spark.

SPEAKER_00 11:17

It's a feeling, and it was the feeling that you had when you were four years old, and for the first time you tied your shoes and you went, Yeah. Yeah, and then it became a game. How fast can I do this? Right? And then you started to experience your shoes becoming untied. And then it's like, okay, I've got to keep that from happening. And then there you go. And you start to kind of do that.

SPEAKER_01 11:43

Damn, it's not. I can't get my shoes on and off fast.

SPEAKER_00 11:47

And it's just this tiny little thing, but we take such pride in it because at the time it was a it was a meaningful look at me, look what I can do kind of thing.

SPEAKER_03 11:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:00

And I think that we just stack those up. Like there's probably a million of them inside us.

SPEAKER_01 12:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:06

Look what I did. Look what I can do.

SPEAKER_01 12:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:09

Right.

SPEAKER_01 12:09

Yeah, I was thinking about that this morning. I I'm writing in my little book here, and there was, you know, I I go through handwriting and then printing, and then you know what I mean? So like my writing is all over the place, whether it's like handwritten. Does that even make sense anymore? Handwritten? Do you know what I mean by handwritten? Or just basic printing. And I was brought back to, you know, those books you're given in school, and it's like lines and lines and lines of A, handwrite A, handwrite A over and over. And I thought, wow, I'm somebody who can handwrite. Because, you know, that's like a dying art, basically.

SPEAKER_00 12:56

But yeah, well, there are things that you can do that others might not do as well. So there's that contrast and comparison that we use, that sh that that way of building my personal thoughts about myself in contrast to others. And I call that my uniqueness or my individuality. And I take possession of that.

SPEAKER_03 13:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:27

It's still just a construct.

SPEAKER_03 13:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:29

It's still just something I'm making up in my head. And I could change it. I could base it on other things. And some people to this day, after decades of living, still hang on to things that happened when they were teenagers as part of their identity.

SPEAKER_01 13:51

Yeah. It's not as benign as tying your shoe or being able to handwrite.

SPEAKER_00 13:56

It's more Yeah, it can be positive and negative.

SPEAKER_01 14:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:00

Right? I can look at events in my life and elevate them to identity when they're just things that happen.

SPEAKER_03 14:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:10

Things happen. And a lot of things that happen have nothing to do with me. A lot of things that happen to me are really all about the people doing them to me. And that's not has nothing to do with me. Right? Identity isn't filled with all kinds of positive statements.

SPEAKER_03 14:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:28

Right. But what it is is malleable. It's changeable. Right. To see it as something that I've chosen, to see the thoughts that go through my mind repeatedly as a habit that I could change. And if those thoughts are about me and who I think I am, they can change.

SPEAKER_01 14:51

Especially if it's like, why do I do this? Thoughts, or why do I keep doing this? I mean, that is applying words to a perceived identity. I am a person that does this. Why do I keep doing this? I don't want to do this anymore. Why can't I change? I think it's those kinds of identity things that we're getting at here. Like, yes, they are malleable. You can change them.

SPEAKER_00 15:15

Yeah. And what science is saying is that most of those behaviors, what you choose to think about in your memories, how you perceive the world around you, is all done from a position of identity, and in many respects, maintaining that identity, keeping that identity,

Shame Labels And The Bad Ankles Story

SPEAKER_00 15:35

wanting to remember that identity. And I think, you know, it's not just accomplishments, right? Identity includes shame. The times when I've held myself guilty of a bad action and then extrapolated that into thinking I'm a bad person in that regard.

SPEAKER_01 15:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:59

In those situations.

SPEAKER_01 16:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:01

You know, to sit and think about your identity, who I think I am, is an invitation to cast some things aside. I don't need that as part of my identity, or I don't want that to be part of my identity. You know, I think that when we we think about identity, to use a simple kind of, I hope, relatively harmless example, you know, to say to you, I used to say to myself when I was busy trying to be an identity of an athlete that I had bad ankles because I had done a lot of damage to my ankles playing basketball and volleyball and twisting and turning. And I used to say I have bad ankles, right? And so for me, sports started with taping up my ankles. And it became part of who I was and how I prepared. It became part of my ritual to go out and compete, right? I think we can take on part of our identity as negative characteristics that need to be accommodated.

SPEAKER_03 17:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:09

And then that accommodation becomes a significant part of our behavior. And all of a sudden we're clinging to that. And at some point or another, you know, I just kept doing all the physiotherapy ankle exercises till it reached a point where my ankles weren't a problem, but it never changed the way I thought about my ankles. And I use that as just a harmless kind of example.

SPEAKER_01 17:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:36

We all assemble these ideas that form part of who we think we are in certain circumstances and situations.

SPEAKER_03 17:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:49

And then that we can use that to justify some pretty negative behaviors, really hurtful things.

SPEAKER_02 17:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:56

And well, you can't talk to me like that because that's what I'm gonna do. Right? I'm not gonna I'm not gonna allow that. I I don't allow people to do that around me.

unknown 18:10

Right?

SPEAKER_00 18:11

I don't allow people to talk to me that way. That's part of my identity. When maybe it's just a sensitivity that is not all that important.

SPEAKER_01 18:21

What would be an example for that? I I'm racking my brain. I don't know why it's not clicking.

SPEAKER_00 18:25

Well, I I grew up in a family, you know, a big family, big families. Uh I think kids are always fighting for their spot, fighting for attention, fighting for their own uniqueness. And in that, those big families are filled with people responding to you doing that. You know, the simplest way to say it is, you know, I have five sisters and I know how to push their buttons.

SPEAKER_01 18:50

But you don't, right?

SPEAKER_00 18:53

I try not to anymore. I don't see value in it anymore. But it used to be valuable because I used to just love watching them get all riled up, right? And then they'd get really angry because I'd be basically, you know, pushing on sensitive parts of their identity. Right? And we do that, we do that to our friends, and we could we call it teasing, and it is unpleasant at the best of times.

SPEAKER_02 19:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:25

But I say that to offer just the most simple way of seeing, recognizing when your identity is activated. Right? We all have people we love and we all know how to push their buttons because we know how to get at the sensitive parts of their identity.

SPEAKER_01 19:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:47

And that's just a window into this whole idea to me. It's just a way of going, ah, I think I get it.

SPEAKER_03 19:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:54

But if science is showing us that my behavior is very much flows from my identity, right? Then identity is something to be really considered. And since identity is a construction of self-interpretation based on an infinite number of experiences,

Observe Your Thoughts To Change

SPEAKER_00 20:15

it's open to reinterpretation.

SPEAKER_01 20:17

What are the first things that we do to start to change that? That you know, we we talked before we started the podcast today about metacognition, thinking about thinking.

SPEAKER_00 20:29

Yeah, it's a big word. Sounds good. If you like science words, we engage in metacognition.

SPEAKER_01 20:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:35

And if you like spiritual words, we use the Buddhist technique of observation.

SPEAKER_01 20:43

Tomato tomato.

SPEAKER_00 20:44

Yeah, no matter what, it's like I step back from my thoughts.

SPEAKER_03 20:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:50

And that's our favorite refrain, right? The mind is a habit.

SPEAKER_03 20:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:54

I am not my thoughts, I am the thinker. And that's the first step. The first step is to be aware. The first step is to observe yourself. I think it's I think it's a wonderful exercise to sit down and ask yourself, who am I? And write it out. You're going to be able to, you know, engage in positive thoughts about yourself. You might simplify it, say, here's what I can do, here's what I know how to do, here's what I do well, here's what I like to do.

SPEAKER_03 21:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:27

Right. And then you can go further. Here's what I here's what I like. Here's what I like to eat. Here's what I like to watch. Here's what I like to do in my spare time. Right. Here are the list of things that I love.

unknown 21:45

Right.

SPEAKER_00 21:46

There's lots of uniqueness there. And I think we like uniqueness. At the same time, we're afraid of it because being too different can be dangerous, can invite reaction, can invite Criticism. It can invite ostracization. Is that a word?

SPEAKER_01 22:05

Ostracization. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 22:07

It is a word. Doesn't it matter whether or not we can pronounce it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:15

Ostracize. It can invite being ostracized.

SPEAKER_00 22:18

That's a good looks sad.

SPEAKER_01 22:20

Flung from the group.

SPEAKER_00 22:22

Yeah. Yeah. That's the way it feels, right? I'm no longer part of the group, which can feel really dangerous. And it can feel really sad. Yeah. So, you know, I think it's really worthwhile just thinking about your identity. And then after you've done that, think about your how your identity shifts when you're around different people. What parts of me come forward and what parts of me hang back. But there are ways to see your identity and even further embrace those positive characteristics, you know? Let's say you call it, say, I am a morning person. Well, I can't think of how that's a bad thing. I can't think of a single way that that's a bad thing.

SPEAKER_02 23:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:11

And so maybe that's just something to reinforce and expand. And maybe you're not a morning person. Maybe you're a night owl. I am a night owl. Well, I don't think that's so bad either. Right? Where when we put morning people beside night owls, we've got an interesting combination of people who enjoy solitude, right? Put a night owl beside a morning person and they have a few hours of the day where they don't even have to deal with each other. Right? The morning person's in bed sleeping while the night owl is thriving.

SPEAKER_01 23:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:52

And the night owl's in bed sleeping while the morning person is thriving.

SPEAKER_01 23:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:58

And then they come together and they enjoy their time together because they both are living in the day for part of it. But this is your identity. You can embrace it, or you can say, you know what, I'm a bit of a night owl, but I think in the following ways, it's interfering with my health. In the following ways, I think it's interfering with my best opportunities. I think I want to become a morning person. Well, that's going to run headlong into, but I'm a night owl.

SPEAKER_01 24:29

Yeah. I hate morning.

SPEAKER_00 24:31

Right. So there you go.

SPEAKER_01 24:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:34

That's all flowing from identity.

SPEAKER_01 24:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:37

But it doesn't have to, you can release the morning person and the night owl label and simply see it as a time frame and see yourself as strong and capable of shifting time frames. And I'm still gonna be awake and alert for 16 hours.

SPEAKER_01 24:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:59

Unless you're a napper. I'm a napper. I'm not a napper personally, but some people are nabbers. I have a buddy, he always talks about being a napper. Oh, I just got a call and he says, I just got up from a nap. I feel great. And I think, okay. I I I don't know how to do that. And he is talented at it. He can grab a nap when nobody's looking and come back all fresh and revitalized. And that's part of who he sees he is.

SPEAKER_01 25:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:31

The point is it's a habit.

SPEAKER_01 25:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:33

And those habits can be changed.

SPEAKER_01 25:35

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 25:36

But by seeing it as part of my identity, I don't have a lot of room for change.

SPEAKER_01 25:43

And I think this is going down another road here, so we'll pull back, but I will just place a seed here of the identity. Let's use the night owl. The identity of the night owl is probably attached to a part that is maybe really enjoying the alone time or enjoying even social connections late at night if they're playing video games or connecting with people in this day and age online, probably. Or even a rebel part. You know, I'm gonna stay up late. I'm not gonna go to bed. You know, that usually starts in teenager years. And some people, as they get older, they're like, oh man, my parents were right. I should go to bed. Or I really enjoy going to bed early. And some people, that part of them is like, no, I'm gonna stay up late and conquer the world. So, you know, just to put the seed in people's minds that there is at some point in this conversation, whether it's today or another day, probably going to mention the pushback, the resistance to changing our identity.

SPEAKER_00 27:00

Our identity gets reinforced by the world because it defines how we react to it. Right? So, yeah, like to use your simple example, you know, you reach a point where as

Night Owls Adult Roles And Rigid Labels

SPEAKER_00 27:15

a young adult, you start to decide when you get up, when you go to bed. And that kind of independence is part of the independence that you're trying to establish when you shift your identity from a child to an adult. And that shift is a long, hard one in many, many ways, right? Because we we aspire to something that we we look at as adulthood. And for many of us, you know, if I if I'd known adulthood was so hard, I probably would have avoided it. I think that we shift that identity from I'm not a child, I'm an adult, I'm not a boy, I'm a man, I'm not a girl, I'm a woman, you know, identity, who and what I am. We go through so many shifts in our life and we embrace them or not. We resist them sometimes, intentionally, for good purpose and good reason and good result.

SPEAKER_01 28:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:20

Right? Some of the identities we have in our society are not necessarily helpful. I mean, we talk about, you know, you meet somebody new, the first thing you say, Wow, what do you do? Well, that's not who I am. Yeah. Right? That's not who I am. I'm not what I do, but it could be part of my identity because maybe I went to school a long time to be able to claim that as my identity. I am a licensed this, I am a qualified that.

SPEAKER_01 28:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:52

And that makes me unique and exceptional. That makes me valuable, that makes me powerful, right?

SPEAKER_03 29:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:03

Like there's so many aspects to identity. But where identity leads us, I think, first of all, is to habits that aren't always helpful, that aren't always flexible in a way that makes life better. Right. Sometimes our identity can become rigid. And in a world full of change, being rigid isn't necessarily a useful thing. Now, on the other hand, if my if my identity is about my values, and my values I want to stick to them, these are my morals, right? I can be very rigid about my morals, but sometimes I can have morals that I don't really even understand. Right? It's very easy to be very judgmental about certain things until you know somebody you love is doing those things. And you go, wait a second, do I need to be so judgmental?

SPEAKER_01 30:02

Yeah. Well, it's easier to see, I think anyway, maybe you know, it's easier to see if they're doing something that you wouldn't necessarily condone. Maybe it's easier to see like where it's come from for them. But for random people, you don't know their backstory or you don't know, and that's not what you jump to first. Is oh wow, I wonder what they went through as a child to make them so this way or that way.

SPEAKER_00 30:31

And it might be part of your identity to see yourself as a very compassionate person who avoids judgment until you reach a point where you say, enough. This is where I judge.

SPEAKER_03 30:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:47

You know, I I think the conversation this morning is just about what is identity? What are the pieces of it? Where does it come from? How do I come about having this identity? And it's all really honest and really innocent. And it's also very complex and can be very problematic, especially if I want to change. And when I realize that at different stages in my life, I am meant to change.

SPEAKER_01 31:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:21

And then to say, well, what kind of changes do I want that I want to embrace, that I want to embody, that I want to become such a part of my identity that they happen naturally. And what changes do I want to make to just get rid of stuff that keeps getting in the way of my own success or my own relationships or the own my own desires?

SPEAKER_01 31:46

Yeah. Yeah, I think it was a good chat, a good intro for sure. I know there's lots of stuff that, like we said in the beginning, it's just layers of this and how it seeps into all areas of our life. Getting in the way sometimes, not getting

Emotions Reinforce Thoughts And Perception

SPEAKER_01 32:05

in the way sometimes. How would I know if it's something I want to change?

SPEAKER_00 32:10

Well, I think a lot of times we don't we don't see it as our identity when it is our identity. Right? When we feel strongly about something, we need to take a few minutes and ask ourselves, how is that part of my identity? Why do I cling to it? Why is it so important to me?

SPEAKER_01 32:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:32

Right.

SPEAKER_01 32:32

And that is, I don't think we really explain this, but what you're saying right there is the thoughts from metacognition, from the observer.

SPEAKER_00 32:44

Yeah. Um observing yourself.

SPEAKER_01 32:46

Yeah. So why, how does this pertain to me? Just asking questions about your own thoughts.

unknown 32:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:52

And let's just have that reminder, you know, our thoughts, our habits. 80 to 90 percent of what we thought yesterday, we're gonna think today randomly, without any apparent initiation, yeah, sometimes in response to what's going on around us, but a lot of times just random thoughts coming into our head that came into our head before, you know, and it's important to just observe them and let them go.

SPEAKER_03 33:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:18

Because if you cling to them or fight against them, you actually sort of reinforce them.

SPEAKER_03 33:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:26

So there's nothing wrong with you if you find that your brain is a habit, your brain is firing things at you over and over. They're just thoughts. They don't really matter, right? To use our friends Luke's phrase, which weighs more 50,000 pounds of feathers or 50,000 pounds of thoughts. It's unexplainable riddle. It just causes us to stop for a minute and just be gentle with ourselves.

SPEAKER_01 33:53

And I think it's important. I don't know, this is coming to me based on what you just said, but emotions, emotions that are attached to thoughts reinforce the thought, whether it's good emotion or bad emotion. I'm just using those words. I know they're very one end of the spectrum and the other. But I think also based on the emotional attachment to the thought and reinforcing that, you will start to notice in your environment what is attached to that emotion and what what is attached to that thought. So if you have a negative emotion attached to what we would perceive as a negative thought, your experience moving through your day, you're going to notice more and more negativity, even if it might not be there. And if you have a positive emotion to a positive thought, your experience is going to change the other way.

SPEAKER_00 34:55

Yeah, you just said a whole bunch of things.

SPEAKER_01 34:57

I know. Maybe it didn't make sense.

SPEAKER_00 34:59

It made tons of sense. Oh, okay. It was just a whole bunch of ideas all in one. What I mean by that when I say you just said a ton of things is you sort of open the door to a great big new topic, and maybe, you know, we save that for tomorrow. But yeah, I think that, you know, when based on everything you say, let's remember that there is a real connection between emotion and what we think that thought says about me. Right? Emotions are very much interpretations of ideas. And so that's a whole world of exploration there. And on top of that, you talked about how what we perceive, you know, there's lots of science that says, you know, it's our dentity, our identity that causes us to perceive the things we perceive, to see the things we're looking for, to find the things in our experience that actually confirm our identity. And then from that identity, we respond to those things, yeah, with or without emotions, usually with emotions.

SPEAKER_01 36:03

Yeah. Easy one, easy one just to drop it before I forget it. Easy one is this always happens to me. I'm sure we have somebody in our life that says that.

SPEAKER_00 36:15

Or even worse, why does this always happen to me?

SPEAKER_01 36:20

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:21

Well, we're gonna answer that question.

SPEAKER_01 36:22

Yeah. Stay tuned. Oh my. Okay. Well, have a good day, everyone. Thanks for hanging out.