What Would Happen If You Had Ice Cream For Dinner?

We follow a simple question from a frozen pond all the way into the mind: what counts as a rule, and how do those rules shape what we call freedom. We use hypnosis style questioning to expose how “choices” get narrowed by fear, judgment, and conditional self worth, then look at what self love means when it clashes with our shoulds.
• ducks as a doorway into patterns of behavior and unwritten rules 
• instinct versus learned behavior and what “built in rules” might mean 
• how we react when we hit a rule we dislike 
• decision versus choice and why “choice between” can feel like freedom 
• people pleasing as a strategy for safety and approval 
• limited choice examples using dinner rules and everyday habits 
• fear of making mistakes and how judgment makes rules feel unbreakable 
• self love versus conditional love and why self care can feel rebellious 
• “good person” programming and the rules society rewards 
• choosing rules that serve authenticity rather than shame 
Enjoy your ice cream. Yes, go have ice cream.

Transcript

Morning Ducks And Social Order

SPEAKER_01 0:10

We are on the line.

SPEAKER_04 0:14

Sunny. And it's still frozen. It's not frozen. Mostly. But it's sunny. I got sun poking in, making the long shadows. The ducks are still here.

SPEAKER_03 0:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 0:34

You know what? When you watch ducks enough, and God knows I have.

SPEAKER_03 0:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 0:44

You really pick up on their rules. It's very seldom at this time of year, anyway, that you see big groups of ducks. You see lots of ducks, but they don't group the same way that the geese do. The geese really group, except for when they're breeding. And then they're just in couples, and they want everybody else to go away. But when they're not breeding, they're in like clumps, like big, massive groups. With the ducks right now, they're in sort of a there's how many? Well, there might be 10 ducks out there, but they're in like four different groups. And yesterday I was watching them fight. So the little wood ducks, they fight a lot more than the other ones.

SPEAKER_01 1:45

Pecking order?

SPEAKER_04 1:47

I think the wood ducks right now are deeply in the competition for breeding partners.

SPEAKER_01 1:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:56

And they were really, really rough on each other yesterday. That's neat to watch. Do you think you would call that rules? Would that be rules?

SPEAKER_01 2:13

I guess. You'll have to explain it a little more for me.

SPEAKER_04 2:20

Well, they they seem to have an order and a pattern in the way they behave.

SPEAKER_01 2:29

Yeah. Yeah. So they're more innate, like built-in rules.

SPEAKER_04 2:34

Ah, so what's the difference between a built-in rule and some other rule?

SPEAKER_01 2:43

Yeah, it's not like we impose rules on them.

Instinct Versus Rules And Freedom

SPEAKER_04 2:46

They just have We're just watching. We can get all quantum physicy about it, but I really want to. I wanna I wanna see the beings. And I want to examine the idea of rules.

SPEAKER_03 3:01

Right.

SPEAKER_04 3:03

Like those groups of ducks, they know to stay away from each other.

SPEAKER_01 3:08

Yeah. Yeah. How?

SPEAKER_04 3:11

I mean I'm asking you. You think that's rules?

SPEAKER_01 3:17

I think those are rules that are just built into them when they're born. Like they they it's passed down genetically.

SPEAKER_04 3:27

So are those ducks free?

SPEAKER_01 3:32

Yeah. Of course they're free.

SPEAKER_04 3:37

Well, they have rules. We're not quite sure how they acquire them. I guess when we see the patterns, so we see that as being a consistency. Patterns are really interesting, right? Because they really show you when it comes to behaviors, they really show you either something deeply innate or something learned.

SPEAKER_02 4:05

In the chat, rules, patterns of behavior, instinct? I'm asking you.

SPEAKER_01 4:17

I think that I think that they are like in the chat, instinctual rules. Instinctual, is that a thing?

SPEAKER_04 4:31

Well, we talk about instincts. Do we talk about instincts because we don't know where the rule came from? Or do we talk about instincts because we don't understand sort of the depth of the being or the history of the species or the things that are part of their DNA, their their physical programming?

SPEAKER_01 5:00

So I'm sure that there's DNA, physical programming stuff going on. I'm sure there's learned. Oh, in the chat, learned behaviors. I'm sure there's learned behaviors. So they probably watched their parents the way they acted, or they were taught somehow to function within their civilization, within their animal grouping. What do you call it?

SPEAKER_02 5:34

Well, then are they free?

SPEAKER_01 5:39

Well, how can something be free if they don't think that they're or think about freedom or do you think about freedom? No.

SPEAKER_04 5:55

It's not something that interests you.

SPEAKER_01 5:59

Not on a day-to-day basis. The only time I ever think about it is in, you know, when they say it on the news or something.

SPEAKER_04 6:12

So what do you feel when you bump into a rule you don't like? You don't agree with. You don't want to adhere to.

SPEAKER_01 6:28

If it doesn't cause fear in me to not adhere to the rule, then I then maybe I won't do the rule. But if it causes fear, I'll do the rule. Do the rule? I don't do the rule. Adhere to the rule.

SPEAKER_04 6:46

That's a nice way of saying I think you know, adhere is nicer than comply.

SPEAKER_01 6:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 6:53

But we're choosing words today.

SPEAKER_01 6:55

Yeah. In the chat. Resistance. Resistance.

SPEAKER_04 7:00

Resistance.

SPEAKER_02 7:04

So is freedom important then? I don't know. Yes. Is it important to you?

SPEAKER_01 7:29

I think it is, but maybe it's not exactly what society has built the word around. I'd like to be able to make my own decisions and not be trapped.

SPEAKER_02 7:46

Is that possible?

SPEAKER_01 7:58

I guess there's a spectrum of how much I can make my own decisions. I suppose based on where you live in the world, you have a tight spectrum or a bigger spectrum. I don't think spectrum's the right word right now, but more options to make your own live by your own rules.

SPEAKER_04 8:21

Where is that?

SPEAKER_01 8:23

Where's what?

SPEAKER_04 8:24

Where is that? That you have more options?

SPEAKER_01 8:27

Here, where we live.

SPEAKER_04 8:30

So you're comparing it to different countries?

SPEAKER_01 8:33

Yeah, I think so. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 8:37

You're using the word decision.

SPEAKER_01 8:40

I didn't?

unknown 8:41

No.

How A Hypnotist Uses Questions

SPEAKER_04 8:42

No. A lot. What does that mean? I'm going to interject here. I'm just whispering this to the people listening.

SPEAKER_01 8:58

I can't hear it.

SPEAKER_04 9:00

This is basically what I do when someone comes in the office. They come in to see me, and we will spend as much as an hour just talking like this, trying to get ideas stirred up, trying to get a place where the person is clearer about what they think. And then from there, me as the hypnotist gets to help them make changes to how they think. And what's amazing is it just takes a few questions, and I often feel like I'm guided when I'm asking these questions. It just takes a few questions for them to be aware suddenly of what they really want to deal with. So what does the word decision mean?

SPEAKER_01 10:04

To make a choice between options?

SPEAKER_04 10:11

Choice between. What's the difference between choice and decision?

SPEAKER_01 10:17

Choice is having options and decision is choosing.

SPEAKER_04 10:28

Is choosing between options freedom?

SPEAKER_01 10:39

It depends where the options are coming from, I suppose.

SPEAKER_04 10:42

What do you mean?

SPEAKER_01 10:44

If I give myself options, then I suppose that's freedom, but if someone says, okay, you either get this or you get that, choose one, maybe that's not freedom.

SPEAKER_02 10:58

How do you make choices?

SPEAKER_01 11:12

Um, I suppose for myself, I went through and still sometimes, I hope this doesn't derail us, but sometimes I make choices based on what other people might want or what I think that they want me to choose.

SPEAKER_04 11:34

What would you call those criteria?

SPEAKER_02 11:41

What other people want. What do you call that? I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 11:55

So normally when I'm with a client, I let them sit for a bit. And then I'll say something like, Well, I'm not gonna let you off the hook. I want an answer to that question.

SPEAKER_01 12:08

Is there a word for it? Is there uh wanting them to be happy with me?

SPEAKER_04 12:17

That's your motivation. Why do you care?

SPEAKER_01 12:25

Because I want to be compliant? Or maybe that's too harsh. I want to be liked.

SPEAKER_02 12:38

Why?

SPEAKER_01 12:44

I think because if I'm liked, then I'll be approved of, or I'll be why would that matter?

SPEAKER_02 12:58

So I can fit in?

SPEAKER_01 13:02

Questioning everything I say. Fit in? I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 13:06

Why would you care about fitting in?

SPEAKER_01 13:15

Because I I suppose, you know, my I guess my hypnotist brain starts to kick kick in now. And I'm thinking, well, in society it's safer to fit in.

SPEAKER_04 13:28

When you're concerned with safety, what's your emotional state?

SPEAKER_02 13:32

Fear.

SPEAKER_01 13:43

But fear shouldn't be like associated with, you know, what do you want for dinner tonight?

SPEAKER_04 13:49

No. Well, I don't know. Like So if I said ice cream.

SPEAKER_01 13:59

I would be a little questioning of it, but I probably would say yes. But if you said, Do you want do you want this or do you want that? I would immediately wonder what you want. So that I could just be like what's the word, like wanting you to be happy kind of thing.

SPEAKER_04 14:27

Well, if I said, you know, do you want spaghetti or do you want steak?

SPEAKER_02 14:34

Would you have free choice?

SPEAKER_01 14:46

No, I'd have choice between the two.

SPEAKER_04 14:49

So choice between is not choice then.

SPEAKER_00 14:53

I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 14:57

I think when you say I don't know, what you really mean is I never thought about it.

SPEAKER_01 15:02

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 15:06

I'm asking you to think about it.

SPEAKER_01 15:07

It's not like I have all these options.

SPEAKER_04 15:10

You don't.

SPEAKER_01 15:14

Well, I do. I suppose I could say, do you want to have something else?

SPEAKER_03 15:17

Ah.

SPEAKER_01 15:19

Limited choice in the chat. Limited choice.

Choice Versus Decision And Compliance

SPEAKER_04 15:26

And on my list of choices, I have regular dinner foods. From meatloaf to steak to soup to spaghetti. We have certain foods that we eat at dinner. And that creates a limited set, and that becomes choice between. But it's not really choice because I've imposed a rule.

SPEAKER_01 16:05

What's the rule?

SPEAKER_04 16:06

These are the only acceptable things to have for dinner. And I've imposed that rule so well that you don't even think that there's other options. You don't even have an awareness that your ability to choose has been limited by a rule.

SPEAKER_00 16:30

Right. Just to let everyone know that Les doesn't actually like do this.

SPEAKER_04 16:38

Not to you. But yes, this is what I do with people.

SPEAKER_03 16:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 16:43

In in hypnosis sessions. Because we we start to stir up now.

SPEAKER_03 16:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 16:48

Because now the meaning of these words is starting to generate emotions.

SPEAKER_01 16:54

Yeah. I I guess I feel like if I have every choice in the world, maybe that's overwhelming.

SPEAKER_04 17:02

It would be, wouldn't it? So are rules good or bad?

SPEAKER_02 17:16

I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 17:16

I guess it's how we think of them.

SPEAKER_04 17:20

Shakespeare, nothing's ever good or bad, but thinking makes it so.

SPEAKER_02 17:29

What else does it depend on? See, in this process, you're learning about your own mind.

SPEAKER_04 17:44

I need more coffee for my own early. I was just hoping you would just talk a bit last year. Let's just do a podcast. But as I'm sitting here preparing for the podcast, it comes to me that, you know, the things I want to say might not be obvious. And the way I would bring them out in a client would be to pose questions like this.

SPEAKER_03 18:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:09

So if freedom and choice, are they important or unimportant? I think they're important.

SPEAKER_01 18:32

I think if I was in survival mode, like actual survival mode, I would want a lot more freedom and choice. But it's like when I'm just moving through life, content, you know, not looking for food, not, you know, not survival mode, then I'm eh okay with having a few choices.

SPEAKER_02 18:59

I don't really think about it. Why wouldn't you think about it? I don't know, because it doesn't really come up for me. Why do you think that is? I suppose because I've gotten pretty comfortable.

SPEAKER_01 19:30

Or maybe there's a rule inside me somewhere that says having too much choice for people is dangerous.

SPEAKER_04 19:42

Or maybe there's a million rules inside you, and you've gotten very comfortable living by them.

SPEAKER_01 19:53

In the chat, rules bring structure, which can make us feel safer.

SPEAKER_04 20:00

How many of the rules that are inside you are you're starting to get an awareness of kind of the multitude of rules you have? All I'd have to do is suggest something out of the ordinary. Like, let's just stay up all night.

SPEAKER_01 20:21

Not at this age.

SPEAKER_04 20:24

Let's sleep tomorrow.

SPEAKER_01 20:27

There's things to do.

SPEAKER_04 20:30

We can do them tomorrow.

SPEAKER_02 20:38

Yeah. There's a million rules.

SPEAKER_04 20:48

Every time you use the word should, you imply rules.

SPEAKER_02 20:58

Like I should be doing this, I should be doing that. That kind of thing. I shouldn't have ice cream for dinner.

SPEAKER_04 21:15

We might have rules about what's healthy. Oh, ice cream is not a healthy food. I want to have healthy foods. We have ideas and rules around nutrition. We might have ideas and rules around dessert. No, you have dessert after dinner.

SPEAKER_02 21:31

You can't have dessert for dinner. Don't have dessert every night. You should have vegetables with them.

SPEAKER_04 21:47

What about the potatoes? What about the rice? What about the noodles?

SPEAKER_02 21:54

You shouldn't eat meat, it's not good for you. Got a million rules just around dinner? Just around dinner. And how can that be free?

SPEAKER_01 22:17

It's funny. I wonder, I don't know if other people have this, but I think they do because they're always excited to tell you about it when they do it, when they have breakfast food for dinner.

SPEAKER_04 22:32

Radicals. I love dairy. I'm singing David Bowie Rebel Rebel in my mind.

SPEAKER_02 22:42

Notice how we admire rebels. Until they've tied something to care about. As a set of rules.

SPEAKER_01 23:18

Our own rules that we impose on ourselves. Well, I might admire something that you might not admire.

SPEAKER_04 23:25

Do you think the stuff that you admire is similar to what your mom admires?

SPEAKER_02 23:34

Yes and no. There you go.

SPEAKER_01 23:42

So I'm a am I a rebel?

SPEAKER_04 23:49

So some of the rules around what you admire, you're comfortable saying came from your mom.

SPEAKER_01 23:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 23:58

Is it fair to say that she shaped your preferences?

SPEAKER_02 24:05

Yeah. To a degree for sure.

SPEAKER_04 24:08

And sometimes she shaped them by you rebelling against them.

SPEAKER_01 24:16

Yes. And now I catch myself going, oh my gosh, that was a lot like my mom.

SPEAKER_04 24:26

So it's interesting, because we could say is there are a whole list of preferences that your mother gave you. And then there's a whole list of preferences that you acquired to contrast against your mom. And so really your mom's controlling all your preferences, isn't she?

SPEAKER_02 24:54

Maybe.

SPEAKER_01 24:59

Yeah? I don't know. I yeah, I suppose I didn't. I didn't. I wanted to expand on the rules, I suppose. Or preferences? Are you calling rules preferences?

SPEAKER_04 25:15

Oh, well, where do preferences come from? Don't they manifest like a rule?

SPEAKER_02 25:23

If I'm gonna have ice cream, I'm gonna have chocolate. That's your own preference. I don't think that's a rule. No.

SPEAKER_01 25:37

Nope. Because you could have any chocolate that's available.

SPEAKER_04 25:44

You would think.

SPEAKER_01 25:45

Or any ice cream that's available.

Limited Options And Dinner Rules

SPEAKER_04 25:47

Except there you are standing at the counter, and you're looking at the one you always order, and you look at the one you think you might order, and now you're afraid to order the thing you don't normally order. Because I don't know why. I'm just afraid. I'm afraid I'll make a mistake. And that's a huge rule, isn't it? No mistakes allowed.

SPEAKER_02 26:22

Don't make mistakes. Thanks. And who gave you that rule? Parents. Who else? Teachers. Who else?

SPEAKER_00 26:48

Don't know.

SPEAKER_04 26:49

Bosses.

SPEAKER_00 26:50

Bosses, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 26:51

Who else? Um society in general. Society in general, who else?

SPEAKER_02 27:03

I mean after all that myself, I suppose. Absolutely. Who else? Don't know. People you love? Everyone in the chat. Everyone.

SPEAKER_04 27:26

Yeah, I was gonna that's my next question. Is there anyone not included in that list?

SPEAKER_02 27:39

Your crazy friend with the purple hair who wants to break all the rules? They're not telling you don't make mistakes. Can there be freedom?

SPEAKER_01 28:07

I suppose if you let yourself out of the chains, then you can have a little more freedom, maybe.

SPEAKER_04 28:15

Fantastic. Where do all those rules exist?

SPEAKER_01 28:19

In your mind.

SPEAKER_04 28:20

Anywhere else?

SPEAKER_01 28:23

No.

SPEAKER_04 28:28

So who's imposing the rules?

SPEAKER_01 28:32

I am now.

SPEAKER_04 28:36

But there's certain rules that are overwhelming. Like don't make mistakes.

SPEAKER_01 28:43

I think that's a judgment. Oh, like we imagine others judging us.

SPEAKER_04 28:52

Judgment implies the difference between good and bad.

SPEAKER_02 29:07

And we have a whole set of rules to define what is good and what is bad.

SPEAKER_04 29:23

And this whole process is just me attempting to reveal the relationship between freedom and choice, and choice between and decisions, which is really just the choice between things. I can choose this or this, so I'm making a decision. Some that are overwhelming, like don't make mistakes. Mistakes are bad. People who don't care are bad. People who don't follow the rules are bad. People who shake things up are bad. People who say things that make us scared are bad. And it's really just sort of describing, in many respects, the multitude of rules that we've required. And as you said, you impose these rules on yourself now. And so now they're your rules. You got them from somebody else.

SPEAKER_02 30:50

You got them from everybody else.

SPEAKER_04 30:58

And what makes them a rule, what makes them unable to overcome is the degree, the degree to which you judge going against the rule. How bad is it to have ice cream for dinner to come on?

SPEAKER_01 31:21

Yeah, I suppose in my mind I go, yeah, let's do ice cream for dinner. And then you're thinking, well, that's not really healthy. But it's not like I do it every day. So maybe I'll do it today, but will I be hungry later for like regular food?

SPEAKER_04 31:45

Just all the all the dominoes just what is that little bit of excitement that you feel though when you think about breaking? What is that?

SPEAKER_01 31:59

Dopamine?

SPEAKER_04 32:00

Well, are you talking about chemical? I'm sure there's there's chemical involved. The brain's a big soup of chemicals.

SPEAKER_02 32:09

Maybe that's feel maybe that's what freedom feels like. I don't know.

Fear Of Mistakes And Judgment

SPEAKER_04 32:24

So if we live in this world and there are all these enormous rules that we've acquired that we're not even aware of, where we're functioning every day, subject to a million rules that we're not even aware of, and it just becomes our behavior. And our behavior tends to look consistent, it tends to have habits in it, it tends to become a little bit mundane. And the first thing we think of when we want to break the mundane is let's do something differently. Now I want to go further, because we've only just begun.

SPEAKER_02 33:18

Because our topic today is let's start at the top of the heap.

SPEAKER_04 33:32

Loving yourself. What's the difference between love and conditional love? Unconditional love and conditional love.

SPEAKER_01 34:09

You know, which insinuates that you know, I I love you because of this, but if you don't do that, or if you do something against that, then I won't love you.

SPEAKER_04 34:24

What are they called? Rules.

SPEAKER_01 34:29

No heroes. What are we talking about?

SPEAKER_04 34:37

Yeah. But we're talking about loving yourself. Right. What would that look like? Ice cream for dinner?

SPEAKER_03 34:48

Hmm.

SPEAKER_04 34:49

It's funny when you talk to a lot of people and they talk about just loving yourself. In many respects, they talk about just breaking the rules, taking a day off work and going to a park, sleeping in, having ice cream for dinner. Rebellious life that would be, wouldn't it? It's amazing how we know it just instinctively that there is a greater expression of love for ourselves when we break some of the rules we live by? Doesn't that mean that some of the rules we live by run counter to self-love? Does that mean that some of the rules we live by require that love of ourself be conditional?

SPEAKER_01 35:56

Like if we're worried, yeah, absolutely. I I just think about how we get into burnout, we overwork ourselves, we do things for others, we go above and beyond to show that we are capable or acceptable, lovable, and in that we I'm just gonna use the word burnout, and then people when we say, you know, why don't you think about some self-love activities? Right. And I'll often say, you know, it's not just about putting sticky notes on a mirror saying, I love you, it's about taking some time off, going to the park, getting above, you know, treat it treating your body well, treating your mind well. But that, yeah, you're right, like those things are in societal terms rebellious, like not part of the stream of what you're supposed to do.

SPEAKER_04 37:18

Oh gosh. Doesn't that imply judgment?

SPEAKER_01 37:22

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 37:23

And doesn't judgment imply rules? So if we start at the top and we talk about self-love, then it doesn't surprise us that we have rules around when we can love ourselves, and that we actually think that self-love includes breaking some rules, then you know, when we think about loving others.

SPEAKER_01 37:58

They have to comply to the rules.

SPEAKER_04 38:00

Darn right. Or else.

SPEAKER_01 38:03

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_04 38:06

But what are those rules?

SPEAKER_00 38:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 38:14

Sorry, I'm laughing at the chat. Yeah, what are the feels like we introduced a topic that is a big black hole?

SPEAKER_04 38:27

Or it's a great big shining light into the darkness that we hide from. Yeah, it's a great topic. I love thinking about this stuff. I love examining and trying to discover in myself all the things that stop me from waking up in the morning joyfully, excited about the day. What the heck am I gonna do today making that choice for myself, not from shoulds, which imply rules, not from conditions, I'll love myself if, not from rules, I'll love you if and feel free, unlimited, no boundary. I love thinking about this though, because for most people that's what they face, that's their biggest pain is waking up in the morning.

SPEAKER_01 39:45

Really?

SPEAKER_04 39:46

Waking up in the morning and thinking about what they need to do, following rules, a whole bunch of shoulds, and then it becomes a trade, right? I mean, people have literally banked their life. I'm gonna kill myself for the first 30, 40 years, and then I'm gonna enjoy my retirement.

SPEAKER_02 40:21

I'm gonna suffer through this.

SPEAKER_04 40:28

And then they wake up one day and say, I can't take this anymore. They quit their job, they blow up their marriage, they throw their money away. Yeah, they find themselves in conflict with their family because their family wants them just to follow the rules, and they've had enough of them. Rules, all these little human rules, and we've only talked about how you acquire them and then how you inflict them upon yourself. How do you like that word? Inflict the rules on yourself. Does that sound like act it's accurate?

SPEAKER_01 41:16

Yeah, especially if they're not nice rule, or not nice, I don't think that's the right rules that we don't particularly like, or maybe they're not good for us.

SPEAKER_02 41:36

So if we use the word condition, things are conditional.

Self Love As Rule Breaking

SPEAKER_04 41:48

We reveal to ourselves the massive number of rules we put on ourselves and we put on others. So where I would go next with the client would be what are the conditions you put on your own self-worth?

SPEAKER_02 42:18

What are those rules? Where did they come from? We might call them limiting beliefs. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 42:36

Stuck ideas, stuck patterns.

SPEAKER_04 42:40

A belief is an idea.

SPEAKER_02 42:43

A rule is an idea. Yeah, so what does freedom?

SPEAKER_04 42:58

You know, this is why I immediately go to choice and power and society imposing rules, and some of those rules we like because they're really helpful, and some of those rules we need to really be programmed into to be able to get ourselves to a place where we might superficially in our conscious mind say, I'm a good person, but in our subconscious mind are in turmoil about it.

SPEAKER_01 43:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 43:45

Because you know, good people are polite, that's a whole set of rules. Good people go to work, that's a whole set of rules. Good people are always on time, that's a whole set of rules.

SPEAKER_02 44:03

Good people eat well and they exercise. Good people get married, have families. Good people are good citizens, good in their community.

SPEAKER_04 44:21

Good people think of the world in certain ways.

SPEAKER_02 44:29

Good people put themselves last. That's a horrible rule.

SPEAKER_01 44:39

And we seem to we we we seem to give up on people that don't conform.

SPEAKER_03 44:45

Oh, we lack them.

SPEAKER_01 44:47

We we move yeah.

SPEAKER_04 44:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 44:53

Sad.

SPEAKER_04 44:54

Well, we we also have the pleasure of seeing people push the boundaries.

SPEAKER_01 44:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 44:58

And some people react badly to that. Right. We live in a world where so many physical boundaries are being pushed. And people cling to the old rules. Rules change, I say, generationally. In contrast to the previous generation. We talked about right at the beginning, how some of your rules you just accepted from your mom. These are the these are true. And some of the rules you've created for yourself are in contrast to your mom. And that's how rules change generationally. The next generation rejects certain rules.

SPEAKER_01 45:45

So I wonder if we pick up those extra rules or the different rules in let's say high school or beginning of you know 20s, that kind of thing, when we're starting to break out of like we've got our patterns that we've been taught, but then we're sort of pushing the boundaries. And so we pick up the rules, and that's why each generation seems to have the same sort of rules with each other. Yeah. Social circles in the chat. Social circle rules.

SPEAKER_04 46:30

A hypnotist would call it new sources of authority. I think it's valuable to see how these things come about. I think it's valuable to see how we attach our own worth of self-love to a whole bunch of rules.

SPEAKER_01 46:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 46:55

How many of the choices we think we make are really just choice between? And how we we live that life of choices between limited sets, and those sets have been limited for us. You don't get asked, do you want to work for somebody for the rest of your life? You get asked, what are you going to do?

SPEAKER_02 47:28

How are you going to make a living? Choice between, not real choice.

SPEAKER_04 47:42

We feel like we have choice because there's a long list of possible jobs.

SPEAKER_01 47:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 47:48

But I used to teach entrepreneurship, and that was the biggest thing I had to fight. This program and this rule that a good person goes and gets a job. Well, heck no. Exciting people, living people, dynamic people work for themselves.

SPEAKER_01 48:05

Is that a rule, though?

SPEAKER_04 48:06

But that's my rule.

SPEAKER_01 48:08

I can be exciting and work for someone else.

SPEAKER_04 48:14

But certainly when we look out on the world and we see the people who have created new things, we admire them. Right from the get-go, we said we admire the rebels. The ones who break the rules.

SPEAKER_03 48:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 48:28

Who write new rules?

SPEAKER_01 48:33

Yeah. In the chat, there's a really good. And then we take it to another level. We don't choose who we work for, we let them choose us. Which just yeah. We dedicate our lives to serving a business or industry. And I think it's it's just feeds into, I think, what where we're going next with the core belief systems about ourselves. You know, if we if we let the industry choose us, then what happens if we're not chosen?

SPEAKER_04 49:11

Most people aren't.

SPEAKER_01 49:12

Yeah. And you know, no, you know that feeling. Right.

SPEAKER_04 49:17

But is the only reason they chose you is because you're so good at following the rules?

SPEAKER_02 49:22

Usually. How does that feel now? Yeah. We admire the rep.

SPEAKER_04 49:39

Is it possible to choose the rules you will live by? Is it possible to choose the rules you live by unless you have taken the time to learn the rules you live by? Is it possible to look at the rules you live by objectively and ask yourself, is this a good one or a bad one? Which is sort of a bad question. A better question might be: is this one that serves my authenticity? Or is this one that doesn't serve my authenticity?

SPEAKER_02 50:18

What is my worth conditional on?

Good Person Rules And Society Scripts

SPEAKER_04 50:23

Because my worth will determine what I think I'm allowed to choose. How many of our rules have been imposed on us with good meaning, with good intention? How many of our rules have been imposed on us with controlling intentions? How many of our rules that we've accepted right down into our core are really designed to limit us? How many of our rules did we create ourselves based on what we personally value?

SPEAKER_01 51:05

And then we impose on others, maybe consciously or unconsciously.

SPEAKER_04 51:11

How do others interfere with my freedom? How do I interfere with others' freedom? How are my words words that cause people to feel that my love is conditional? And all of this, like you said really early on, is in our minds. And the only one that actually can control our minds is ourselves.

SPEAKER_02 51:50

Yeah. We're back to what do you want?

SPEAKER_04 52:05

And then examining the response to what you want, which are probably statements of rules.

SPEAKER_02 52:18

And those rules, who do they serve?

SPEAKER_01 52:43

I haven't said it to clients. I've said to some family members over the years. I mean, it's not great to think about as you know, the parent's gonna be gone. And who are you then?

SPEAKER_02 53:36

Does the rule remain? Yeah. So what is freedom? What is choice?

SPEAKER_04 54:03

I think at this point, if you've played along, you've got inside yourself a whole lot of different emotions. If there's sadness there, it's because you feel like you've lost something.

SPEAKER_02 54:21

If there's anger there, it's because you feel like you're being treated unfairly.

SPEAKER_04 54:32

If there is guilt there, it's because maybe you've imposed rules on others that you don't really agree with anymore.

SPEAKER_02 54:44

If there's shame there, maybe there's a thought that you're not being your true self.

SPEAKER_04 54:56

If there's fear there, then maybe you're reflecting how fitting in is more valuable to you than not fitting in. There's a line in the new Matrix movie, the last Matrix movie that I love. And I'm gonna paraphrase it badly, but I'm gonna paraphrase it anyway. Just as not everyone seeks to control, not everyone seeks to be free. Now, you know, unfortunately, I'm exposing you to my internal world because this is what I think about all day. How do we as hypnotists help people free themselves to live the life that most genuinely and authentically flows from them?

SPEAKER_01 56:10

It's funny how I help others with it, but after today's chat, I recognize that you think about it all the time, and I never think about it. For myself. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 56:36

There might be a little flashes in there, maybe, yeah. So yeah, I think sometimes people don't want to be told they want to discover. And I find that to be a good method in hypnosis. And when they discover, then I discover, and that helps guide my work.

SPEAKER_03 57:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 57:03

And then they always teach me something.

SPEAKER_01 57:14

All right. Well then. Thank you guys for hanging out with us today. We hope that was helpful for expansion, beginning of expanding the mind. Yeah, have a beautiful day out there. You too, have a great rest of your week.

SPEAKER_04 57:38

Enjoy your ice cream.

SPEAKER_01 57:39

Yes, go have ice cream. All right. We'll see you later.