Learning To Welcome Change: The Mind Love's To Be Comfortable

Spring’s arrival sparks a deeper look at why we brace against change and how to meet it with less judgment and more choice. We explore the fear beneath anger, the ripple effects of growth on relationships, and simple language that keeps connection safe while you evolve.

• seasons as a mirror for inner change
• why anticipation and judgment amplify fear
• comfort zones, habits and perceived safety
• anger as a fairness signal and what lies beneath
• how personal growth disrupts relationships
• phrases that reassure: you are safe, I still care
• hypnosis as a tool for pattern change
• reframing resistance as learning and curiosity
• stepping back from overwhelming inputs
• easing into aging, identity and self-designed stories

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:09

We are online.

SPEAKER_00 0:12

The verge of spring is what we are.

SPEAKER_02 0:15

That's right. Next week is going to be.

SPEAKER_00 0:18

We've only got two more days of negative temperatures.

SPEAKER_02 0:21

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 0:22

And then we have ten days of everything above zero. Every bit of snow is going to be gone. Just gone.

SPEAKER_02 0:31

That's right.

SPEAKER_00 0:32

Two feet, three feet of water going into rivers and streams. I gotta tie up the docks so they don't wash away.

SPEAKER_02 0:43

Yeah. Les has given me permission to tell him as many times to tie the dogs off.

SPEAKER_00 0:49

That comes from learning my lesson a few years ago when the docks floated away. Yes. Yeah, that was interesting.

SPEAKER_01 1:00

Where's my dog?

SPEAKER_00 1:01

Yeah.

unknown 1:02

Right.

SPEAKER_00 1:02

And I look out over the water. It's a mile down the way.

SPEAKER_01 1:05

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:08

We're on the verge of spring. So what does that make you feel to be on the verge of spring?

Seasons As A Mirror For Change

SPEAKER_02 1:13

Yeah, drop it in the in the chat. How does that make you feel wherever you are? I mean, because it might not be spring for some of our listeners, but how does it make you feel when the temperature warms up? I feel excited. I feel like, oh, maybe, you know, we have we have added thoughts, or I have added thoughts to it of well, maybe people will be excited to like come out and see the house now, right? And purchase our house. For anyone that doesn't know we're selling. So it's been covered in snow, and it's hard for people to get a sense of what's here. So I'm excited for people to maybe see the grounds and do that. In the chat, we've got grateful for longer days, absolutely, re-energized after the hibernation. Another one in the chat. It's the sun that I get excited for. It can still be cold, but the light makes it feel hopeful. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 2:19

Yeah, I agree. Yeah. Everything.

SPEAKER_02 2:23

It is nice to be driving. We're we were driving home from something the other night, and it was still light out at like six. Isn't that amazing?

SPEAKER_00 2:32

Yeah. It's interesting, you know, when you think about where we live. It applies to a lot of people, but it doesn't apply to the whole world. You know, we have extreme seasons, we have extreme variations in daylight. We have such a constant changing reality. I guess I don't like the word reality, but environment, let's say. We're living our lives within conditions that are constantly changing. And then you throw in the human factor, we'll call it. He says, with a little bit of edge, and all the changes going on in our world and the dynamics between people. We really need as human beings to um learn how to deal with change and not just changes that we like.

SPEAKER_01 3:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:34

You know, one of the things I always tell myself, right, when I get to the beginning of February, I always tell myself, well, winter's half over. We're into the worst of the winter, but winter's half over. We now have we've gone through the first chunk of it. That's behind us now. And it won't be long because as soon as March hits, you know, there's it, there's gonna be more winter, but March changes everything.

SPEAKER_01 4:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:03

And it's just a matter of time. And then of course, summer will come, and then it'll be hot.

SPEAKER_02 4:08

And then we'll be complaining because it's too hot.

SPEAKER_00 4:12

And then the fall will come and we'll be melancholy about the summer past.

SPEAKER_02 4:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:18

And then we'll hunker down for family events because the fall is filled with family right up till Christmas. And then we take out our long underwear and we say it's winter time, let's go. And we try to get out there and make the most of that beautiful white stuff. Try not to drive anywhere.

unknown 4:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:40

And then March comes again. If change is such a constant thing, why do we have such a hard time with it?

Why We Resist What We Want

SPEAKER_02 4:49

I think, well, that's a good question for the chat. I think like many things, it's it's about contrast. We feel comfortable. Our our body, like if it's weather, our body acclimates. And as change comes, maybe we're we're excited for the change, right? Like summer. But I think we we get into comfort zones really quickly as humans, whether it's physical or mental. And any little push and pull to that, that comfort can be jarring or scary, or well, what's gonna happen next? I think about us moving. I I have a hard time just imagining what that's gonna be like, right? In the chat, we've got it's our resistance to change that creates the stress or tension. If we allow things to flow and move, we can be more relaxed. Like your dock floating away. Yes, the dock was pretty relaxed, just floating down the river. Another one. I think we need the seasons of change. I think they are nature's way of guiding us. Literally, the winter is about slowing down and rejuvenating. But yeah, maybe it is uh that resistance, the resistance to the change.

SPEAKER_00 6:20

Yeah. Well, that's the way it is for everything. Nothing's ever good or bad, but thinking makes it so. And thinking is often best described as interpretation. And interpretation is you know, mostly what does this mean about me? What does this mean for me?

SPEAKER_02 6:38

That's the meaning we apply to it.

SPEAKER_00 6:40

Yeah. But it's always the meaning close to home. You know, it's always the what it means relative to me. And that includes my arm's reach, the people I love, you know, the pe the things I care about, the stuff that's important to me. But it's yeah, it's very uh self-oriented the way we interpret things.

SPEAKER_01 7:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:03

What does this mean for me? And all of that is what creates the resistance because we quickly jump to judge good or bad. I like it, I don't like it. I want it, I don't want it.

SPEAKER_02 7:14

And how many times has something happened in your life where you thought it was going to be bad, or you judged it as bad, or you judged it as hard. It hadn't even happened yet, but then you went through it and it really wasn't that that big. It's kind of like I think about it's kind of like when I go get blood work done. It's like the amount of time I stress, and then it's just then it's done. You know, it really wasn't that bad, but I I made it out to be something pretty bad.

SPEAKER_00 7:52

I mean, how many times how many times have we had wonderful winters? How many, how many years of your life did you take advantage of the snow and enjoy it?

SPEAKER_02 8:02

Probably only when I was a kid.

Changing Ourselves Changes Relationships

SPEAKER_00 8:04

That tells you a lot about your programming, doesn't it? If I'm going to be an adult someday, I need to learn to hate winter. Right. Yeah. Because adults don't like winter.

SPEAKER_02 8:16

That's right. Except some people we know.

SPEAKER_00 8:20

We know some exceptions. And it certainly provides them with a whole different mindset through the season than most people have. Certainly different from the mindset I have.

SPEAKER_02 8:31

Yeah.

unknown 8:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:33

Yeah. The resistance to change. We mostly hate it when other people change.

SPEAKER_02 8:40

Yeah. Yeah, which we spoke about a little bit yesterday.

SPEAKER_00 8:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 8:44

Just as we make changes in our lives, people around us shift and notice. And if they've been in any way uh the word like vampiring comes off. If they if they've been sort of someone in your life that has is a taker and not a giver.

SPEAKER_00 9:06

I mean if they're just reliant on you.

SPEAKER_02 9:08

Or if yeah, exactly. Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 9:10

It could be innocent reliance.

SPEAKER_02 9:11

Yeah. They can they can feel really out of sorts when you make changes. But that doesn't mean that you shouldn't make changes, it just means that that relationship might need to be either worked on or let go sometimes.

SPEAKER_00 9:30

Yeah, just because you want to change doesn't mean I have to.

SPEAKER_02 9:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:36

Who do you think you are making choices?

SPEAKER_01 9:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:42

You're changing things in your life and messing with mind.

SPEAKER_01 9:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:46

Stop it.

SPEAKER_02 9:50

We see it in the spiritual world a lot. You know, we we start to go down, and this isn't uh religious in any sense. It's just once we start to feel like we are connected to more, or maybe we are more than we imagined, people tend to fall away. Relationships end, friendships end, and it can it can often be very lonely for people going through going through finding their purpose or where they sit in this universe.

Hypnosis As A Door To Self-Discovery

SPEAKER_00 10:27

Yeah, just the relationship we have with ourselves. You know, the the the journey of hypnosis is one of discovery. You know, it it starts with a frustration and often a confusion, you know, it starts with questions like why am I acting this way and why do I feel this way? And why do I have to be angry all the time? Or why do I eat so much? It's like it's it's posed as a question often that simply says, I don't understand myself. Can you help me understand myself? Can you help me understand why? And yeah, of course we can. That's what we do. And when you do discover why, when you do discover those deeper aspects of yourself, it really starts another journey. It really starts a curiosity that you want to know more. For many people, you know, one session of hypnosis that has an impact on them, it's like, what the heck is this stuff? Is this stuff legal? Are you allowed to do this? Are you allowed to make me feel so dramatically different today than I felt yesterday? Are you allowed to just talk to me like that? Because I don't know what you did. It seemed pretty innocuous, it seems pretty calm and pleasant, and now I just feel different, head to toe.

SPEAKER_01 11:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:53

And then that curiosity causes us to want to understand the mind, understand people, understand why, understand how things work. And that leads us to an understanding of who we are. I shouldn't even say it that way. It guides us towards a better understanding of who we are, because I think that journey is a long one. Yeah, I think that journey requires a lot of openness. Who am I really? And sometimes I think that's just that's just the quest of life for everyone. Who am I really? What am I really?

unknown 12:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:30

How do I serve? What's my purpose? And that shift to that change, it impacts everyone around you because it you're not interested in the same conversations that you used to be interested in. You don't have the same habits that you used to have. So you don't have the same hobbies that you used to have. You don't have the same interests that you used to have. So you're off exploring new things and you know, people making suggestions of you know, different book or a different kind of music or a different, you know, community of people, and out you go, right? And you start to make these shifts. And then the people around you are like, you know, what the heck? You know, like where'd you go? What are you doing? What's what's happening here? Like, you know, I thought you loved me.

SPEAKER_01 13:24

You know, yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_00 13:26

And that's that, as we talked about yesterday, for many, many people, that's the shift to self-love. That's the shift to saying to yourself, I am worthy, and I am allowed to pursue that which makes me curious.

Self-Love And Redesigning Your Life

SPEAKER_02 13:42

Yeah. Oftentimes we get into relationships at certain parts in our life where usually it's earlier in life, and we don't at that point in our life, we we haven't really been given the platform in life to develop that curiosity about ourselves. So these two people come together, and then they're just sort of like trading off energy, and you're not really exploring your own. So, like Les is saying, like when you start to explore your own energy and you start to excuse me, increase your self-love or understanding of yourself, or your I worked with somebody yesterday that they let go for the most part, they let they were letting go of the past. And then they realized, well, who can I be now? And I was like, Yeah, it's like you get to design your own mind. You get to design your life. You don't have to hold on to those old stories. In the chat, we've got my husband is definitely feeling changes, my changes, and doesn't understand. And I'm trying to understand myself, and I can't really explain it. It's just a knowing that I have.

SPEAKER_00 15:04

Well, and and as we experience our changes and we can anticipate that those around us are gonna say, like, what's going on? Yeah, right. We we can continue to pursue our changes, and a more genuine version of ourselves comes forward, and it and it becomes, you know, it becomes an invitation to those around you to say, you know, do I resist or do I go along for the ride?

SPEAKER_01 15:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:41

Right? And sometimes, you know, I shouldn't say sometimes, it's probably happened dozens of times, just that, you know, we'll get somebody coming in for hypnosis, and it's just a matter of time before their spouse shows up.

SPEAKER_01 15:57

Oh, yeah.

Fear Beneath Anger And Control

SPEAKER_00 15:58

There's there's people coming in for hypnosis, and then all of a sudden they're talking about I'm trying to get my spouse to come. I'm trying to get my spouse to come. And yeah, some people are are more resistant to change. They haven't, I used to use the term sufficient suffering. You have to reach a level of sufficient suffering to want to make a change, right? It's like, you know, people say, oh, geez, you know, that's uncomfortable. Oh well, you know, these pants are kind of tight. I guess I better lose some weight, but I don't. And you know, uh, oh geez, I guess I'll just buy some new pants. And and you know, it's just it's just these these things that are going on, and we haven't sufficiently suffered.

SPEAKER_02 16:47

Yeah, right? I'm laughing because this is what I did last week.

SPEAKER_00 16:52

We we haven't sufficiently suffered to say, I want to change. Yeah, I'm not satisfied with this anymore.

SPEAKER_01 16:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:00

And I think, and and I I offer this because I think it's an important idea. People who experience change and resist change, it's just fear. Right? They might express it as anger, they might express it as resentment, they might express it in in ways we don't like coldness or avoidance or anger or frustration, but it's just fear. One of the important things to understand about emotions, you know, I do this exercise with my clients all the time, you know, they'll come in, and especially men, I suppose, needs to be said. They're angry. Yeah, and then I'll say, okay, what else? And they go, What do you mean, what else? And I say, What else? There's more to these feelings than just the anger. And they'd go, What do you mean? And they'd say, Well, anger means that you're being treated unfairly. That's what it means. That's its message. It's that emotion of anger is calling to you to make things fair. I want things to be fair. I want things to be fair again. So if I'm feeling angry and it's because I'm being treated unfairly, then the natural question is: how is this unfair? And then when they talk about what's unfair, it feels really good for them because it's like an awakening. This is why I've been feeling this. This is why I can't seem to get past it. And then once they've expressed that, how it's unfair, bang, the other emotions come forward. Right. And the and the anger is masking, it's hiding the deep hurt they feel.

SPEAKER_01 18:50

Yeah.

You Control Your Mind, Not Others

SPEAKER_00 18:51

Right? It's hiding the incredible fear they have that life is headed in a direction, right? And they don't like it because they don't know how to cope with it. They don't know how to deal with it, they don't know how to respond to it. You're out there and you're changing, and I'm not, and now I'm scared. So, what does this mean? You know, and our our mind catastrophizes, right? So we see our spouse and we see our spouse change, and now I'm getting divorced and living alone, and the whole thing is going to be awful, and I'm going to die alone in some hovel nowhere in the corner of the world, right? And of course, the thought of that makes me angry. But it's really fear, it's really hurt. How dare you change without me? Right? You left me behind. You know, you're the one I love and I'm attached to, and you've gone off in some direction and left me here alone. And I didn't even know you were going to do it. I couldn't even prepare, I couldn't even be ready for that. And you've gone and done that. And change is so much a fear-making thing. Because our mind creates habits, habits of behavior, habits of thinking, all of them are meant to protect us. Yeah, all of them are meant to keep conditions consistent that we know how to deal with them.

SPEAKER_01 20:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:23

Yeah. So I think that change is inevitable as we talk about the seasons. And as people reach a level of sufficient suffering, I've had enough of this, right? They engage changes, and the changes are always in the mind. You can't change anything until you change your mind about it. You can't change anything without changing your mind in some way.

SPEAKER_01 20:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:48

Sometimes that's easy, sometimes that's obvious. Sometimes our rational mind is really good at helping us make the change because it just makes sense. We're just being conscientious about this, right? But a lot of times we need help. And hypnosis is a really powerful helper.

SPEAKER_02 21:07

And I think with what Les is saying there, in regards to the relationships in our life and us changing or they're changing, I like to draw the attention back to we we can't we can't control how the other person thinks or feels. Just like we spoke about in a I don't I can't remember if it was yesterday or the day before, or Friday, or I I can't remember. But we we were talking about how it's not up to us to change how somebody feels. We can be the nicest person on on earth and someone's gonna have an issue, right? We can't we can't control other people's mindsets or their emotions. So if someone in your life is is feeling off because you're changing, that doesn't mean that you should feel bad for it. Maybe there's an element of communication that can happen, a different commu a different way of communication, maybe understanding what they're feeling. But yeah, it doesn't mean that you have to stop making changes or going down the path of wherever you're headed.

Reframing Change As Learning

SPEAKER_00 22:17

Yeah, for sure. And maybe what we need to do in our process of making changes is be prepared for others to react to that. And I'm gonna offer two simple statements that you can find a way to say. Two really simple statements. I still love you. I still care about you. I still love you. You still matter to me. I want you to be happy too. And the second statement, and say it in whatever way makes sense. You are safe. I'm not gonna hurt you. I'm not trying to hurt you. I don't want to upset you. This is not about you. You are safe. This is about me. And maybe add a third suggestion there without being pushy. You know, you are free to come along for the ride. You're free to come and experience this too. It's been wonderful for me, and you're free to have your own wonderful experience. Now, there's different kinds of relationships. It could be just a friend, it could be a workmate, it could be a spouse. But to let them know that you still care about them, that your changes aren't that you don't care about them, that it's probably that you care about yourself more and you're taking better care of yourself, right? And to let them know in some way or another that you're not demanding anything of them, that they're not in a position where everything's gonna fall apart, that they're safe, they have they have strengths, they have a strong mind, they can take care of themselves, you know. Let them know that you see the strength in them. And then if they're curious, you know, invite them to come along for the ride. This could be wonderful for us. And I I might be a little bit, I don't know, I don't want to get all gooey or anything, but you know, I think that I'll offer that, you know, what's really good about being spouses with another hypnotist is that we are constantly changing, we're constantly watching each other change because we're on that path of change. We're for people like me, it's it's slow and it's it's it's resistance-filled. And I I get the impression it might be the same for Hillary. But the point is that we're aware of each other changing. We are welcoming to those changes. We have to touch base now and again. Like we have to do the you are safe. I still love you, you're still my focus. We can together make these changes. But I think that at some point or another, everyone reaches a level of dissatisfaction with the way they think and the way they behave, that they want to change it. And I think the magic, and I'll add this last point, when it comes to relationship, the magic is to realize that what is going on is in your mind. And no matter how much you want to blame your spouse, how much you want to blame others, your boss, the world, politicians, no matter how you want to blame others, what's going on is in your mind, and the only one that controls that is you. So blaming others for the way you behave, blaming others for the things you think is misunderstanding. It they can't. They can't control your mind. You can get in habit and you can trigger each other's habits, but the only person that can change your mind is you.

unknown 26:00

Yeah.

Letting Go Of Judgment And Aging

SPEAKER_02 26:01

Yeah. In the chat, we have in the past, my judgment voice, judgment voice could be brutal when I was facing change and I wasn't handling it well. Having done lots of work with that, now as I recognize it, I remind myself that change is an opportunity for growth and learning. It is. I think just like we said before, it's the meaning that we associate it with, right? And if you if you see change as an opportunity for growth and learning, that can most often take the place of this change is scary or this change is not not good for me or for anyone or anything. And I think we did a podcast about this a month ago or so. It's just trying to get into the habit of rolling with change, just allowing change maybe to flow through you, flow around you. And because the world is is changing a lot. And if we fight against it, and this isn't to say that we don't stand up for our rights and stuff, but if we're internally fighting against changes that are happening around us, it can cause a lot of anxiety.

SPEAKER_00 27:33

Well, yeah, that you know, that some people will just oppose every change that comes their way. It's just sort of a programmed natural response. And that's not helpful. You know, there are some changes that are inevitable. Yeah. Right? Because they just make sense, because they just are a movement towards love, a movement towards peace, right? And we don't even recognize it sometimes because our habits can keep us unpeaceful, and we can find ourselves stuck to our habits in spite of their negative consequences. Yeah, but I think it's beautiful to step back away from the judgment voice. You know, you're allowed to say, I don't like this. You're allowed to say, this makes me uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_01 28:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:28

You're allowed to say, you know, this is not what I want. But when you look at something and you say, This is not what I want, that's an invitation to ask you, well, what do you want? And instead of taking the next step of I don't, this is not what I want, and then judging it as bad and judging and resisting it with everything in you, taking that little left turn and saying, Well, what do I want? And spend time dwelling in that question.

SPEAKER_02 28:58

Yeah. This is a comment just came up that I find really just introspective. I it's good. The world is changing, but the speed of the changes is sometimes what is overwhelming. It can feel absolutely overwhelming. What would you say to that? In my mind, I think, because yeah, I I it's not like I don't suffer from that too. Just feeling the speed of everything. In my mind, I think, okay, well, if I feel this is my own opinion for myself, but maybe I try to back away from things. Like recently, of course, we've had the news on, we watch the news in the evening, like YouTube news, just random ramblings from different channels. And yeah, it feels like everything's going really fast. And for myself, I suppose it's the choice to pull away from that. It's hard, though. It's hard.

SPEAKER_00 30:01

I think that there's um a really good answer to those kinds of fearful reactions to change. And the first answer is, and you can start on the very human level. I am not alone in my opinion. I am not alone in my interpretation of this. I'm not alone.

SPEAKER_01 30:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:24

Um, and you can take it to a deeper level of I am not alone. I I I have access to a higher mind. I am not alone. And that calms us down a lot. And then it's about, well, what do I do moving forward? What happens to most of us is we automatically resist, you know, we slam the door, we say no to things.

SPEAKER_01 30:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:53

When a better answer is, I can learn anything. I can learn about this, I can learn about what it means, I can learn about how to adjust to this. I can learn how to take care of myself within this new context, within these changes. I can learn reminding yourself that you're constantly learning, that that's what you are, is this learning adjusting machine. And we get tired because we we think of learning in a formal sense, but it's it's not that way. It's it's as simple as saying, okay, well, I guess I don't need this heavy coat, and I can put the light coat on. I can put my big boots away and take out my small boots. I can find my umbrella as the snow turns into rain.

unknown 31:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:49

I don't have to judge this, right? I'm allowed to have my preferences, but I don't have to judge it. And judging it sort of slams the door on it, right? It's an unnecessary next step. It's not a helpful step. It doesn't help us find solutions. Judgment never helps us find solutions. Judgment, in fact, makes it harder to find solutions. This is bad. I don't like this. Stop it. That's not going to help you. Resistance has very little value.

Closing And Daily Practice Of Ease

SPEAKER_02 32:24

Yeah. And I mean, it's not just the news that we're resistant to. And in the chat, you know, it's people have been saying, yeah, I've gotten away from the news and I I feel a lot better for it. Another message in the chat says, and this is another thing that we resist. And my gosh, we could do a whole podcast on this. Resistance against aging, right? We have this whole society that's built around this. And they mention that it just the changes bring wisdom and we can embrace it. And this relaxation of our body is a normal process, and it can bring an inner peace when we just allow it to be. Like that's beautiful. It's so true, right? I mean, again, we could do a whole podcast on that. But as we wrap up here, I think it is important to start your own process of feeling more and more relaxed with change. Whether that is limiting your knowledge of the world, because really, as humans, we are, I think, from what I've read and heard, is we're we're normally built for just our community, right? Knowing what's going on in our community. And when yeah, yeah, we're just not built to take in like every single thing that's going on in the world. Because our minds naturally want to find answers, right? We ask ourselves a question, our subconscious mind is awning. It wants to find an answer, and we just can't answer these things. And so, whether it's the world or aging, just finding your own peace with that. Yeah. So thank you. Thank you for everybody for coming out this morning and hanging out and chatting with us. And we will see you and hang out with you tomorrow.