Finding Peace Within: Choosing A Life You Actually Want

A snowy morning turns into a deep look at choice, intention, and peace, with Groundhog Day as a map for awakening. We explore how worthiness from within frees us from chasing happiness and how detailed intentions shift daily life toward calm.

• using Groundhog Day to frame surrender and growth
• the four intention questions as a daily compass
• choosing wants over programming and fear
• peace as internal baseline, not external prize
• how childhood imprints shape worthiness
• building self-worth without outsourcing it
• happiness spikes vs sustainable inner peace
• manifesting through sensory-rich detailing
• choosing the shift and owning your mind

Chapters

• 0:00 Snowy Morning And Tarot Tower
• 0:52 Groundhog Day As A Map Of Awakening
• 4:20 Intention And The Four Questions
• 9:30 What Do You Want Versus Programming
• 15:45 Peace Inside Before Peace Outside
• 21:50 Limiting Beliefs And Early Imprints
• 29:10 Worthiness From Within Not Others

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:10

We are on the line.

SPEAKER_03: 0:12

On a little light snowy day.

SPEAKER_00: 0:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03: 0:15

The river is wide open, which is shocking given how cold it's been, but it's still kind of beautiful.

SPEAKER_00: 0:23

Les just pulled the tower card, so you know. Sorry, it's our joke. He's I pulled a card and he's like, Is it the tower? And I was like, no. And then he pulled it.

SPEAKER_03: 0:34

For like the 27th time. Right.

SPEAKER_00: 0:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03: 0:37

Apparently I'm not getting the message.

SPEAKER_00: 0:44

He pulled a really nice card and he's like, no, I want more. Not that the tower isn't.

SPEAKER_03: 0:51

It's good. It's timely because I I did my annual watching of the Groundhog Day movie.

SPEAKER_00: 0:56

Yep.

SPEAKER_03: 0:57

The Groundhog Day movie, I think, is one of the great movies right up there beside The Matrix. If you want to understand your nature and what's going on, the Groundhog Day movie is a great one to choose from.

SPEAKER_00: 1:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03: 1:10

How many times have you watched it? How many times have I forced you to watch it?

SPEAKER_00: 1:13

Exactly. Maybe twice. Three times.

SPEAKER_03: 1:15

Maybe twice. I think it takes at least 10 times before you really get it.

SPEAKER_00: 1:20

I guess. I got to opt out.

SPEAKER_03: 1:33

He he's driving his car, somebody's car, the wrong way on the railway tracks. Well, I don't know if there's a right way on the railway tracks, but he's driving the wrong way on the railway tracks towards a train. And he says, I'm not going to live by their rules anymore. And of course, the drunk guy in the car with him says, Well, this is one of those rules I kind of agree with. Don't drive on the railroad track. But he says, I'm not going to live by the rules anymore. And then he says what I think is just genius. You make choices and you live with them. Yeah. It's the ultimate Samsara movie. You're living the same day over and over and over. You're living these lives over and over and over and over. First, you despair. You think you're crazy. You think you lost it. And then you exploit it because now there's no consequences. When you clue in these lives, that there really aren't any consequences, only learning, only growth. Then you start doing wacky things, like maybe you want to rule the world or something. And then you find that kind of empty. And then you start manipulating. You figure I'm going to get what I want somehow. And then you don't get what you want. And you start to realize that what you want does not lie in your manipulations. And then he just surrenders one day and decides to just follow his heart and learns how to play the piano. And he takes care of this old guy on the street. And he learns about all kinds of things. I mean, it implies that he spent years and years on this day. Right? Hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of this day over and over and over. And then he finds himself in a routine where he is helping others. He has like a schedule in his day of helping others.

SPEAKER_02: 3:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03: 3:26

And he just he learns how to time it that he shows up at the right place at the right time because he he just lives it over and over and over. And he finds himself at peace. He finds himself loving the world, loving the fact that he's in this one day. And then the next day comes.

SPEAKER_00: 3:44

Yeah. Once he's realized that.

SPEAKER_03: 3:46

Once he's come to that conclusion. So I just really think it's just a movie about enlightenment.

SPEAKER_02: 3:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03: 3:52

And there's all kinds of little funny lines through it. And then there's some good lines through it, too.

SPEAKER_02: 3:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03: 3:59

You make choices and you live with them.

SPEAKER_00: 4:05

And I suppose it goes along with what we've been chatting about over the last week, yesterday and last week, you know, where the the choice of where do we want to go? How do we want to get there? What do we want to do?

SPEAKER_03: 4:18

The power of intention. Yeah. The power of intention is like, and I mean the power of intention. Forming intentions, we have four questions that help us form meaningful, powerful intentions. But that the power of the intention is that it guides you through whatever presents itself to you. It guides you through, you stay focused on what you want. What do I want? What has not been working? We talked yesterday about where do I want to go? Where do I want to go? And today it's what does that look like?

SPEAKER_00: 4:58

But it all really in the end revolves around choice.

SPEAKER_03: 5:01

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00: 5:02

Right. You have to choose to to to move, right? Not move literally, but move in your mind. You have to choose that new outcome.

SPEAKER_03: 5:11

Well, I think that's that's what I think uh for me every day it's a struggle. What what do I do? What do I do to move forward? What do I do to to get my life moving forward? What do I do to to make my life better? What do I do to finally like get things where I want them to go? And I'm asking that question over and over, and I'm getting asked back by life, well, what do you want? Well, what do you want?

SPEAKER_02: 5:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03: 5:45

Right? And you have to want something. And this to me is the the message of our time. The message of our time is that we're walking around mindlessly, trying to fit in, trying to play a game that's defined for us. And we're looking all around the world right now and realizing that that game doesn't work. Yeah, that game is not leading us to this beautiful, connected, loving society that guides us all towards our highest purpose. We are in deep competition for what we perceive to be scarce resources, battling against each other and fighting over who's going to be the king. And and that is not working. And the question that's being asked of the whole world, I think, right now, is what do you want? Up to this point, you haven't been pursuing what you want. You've been pursuing what you've been told you should want. You've been pursuing what you've been programmed in as what you should do. And within that practice, you're trying to find peace. And we're learning across the world that there's no peace there. There's no there's no calmness and beauty through that system.

SPEAKER_02: 7:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03: 7:10

It's a never-ending struggle. It is, it is one where we look at our brothers and sisters and we're afraid of them. We're not looking at what's possible as a collection of people collaborating towards something wonderful. We're looking at the world as, well, what can I get? And what's my fastest route to safety? And this, I think, incorrect thought that having lots of stuff and lots of money is the answer. And all you got to do is look around. And it isn't work. We are being pitted against each other based on some of the most frivolous ideas and patently, obviously incorrect ideas about each other. And the world is crying for us to say, well, what do you want? And then make that your intention and carry that with clarity into your day. And we talked a long time ago, a few months ago, about the idea of peace. That peace only exists inside an individual's mind. And unless it's there, it can't exist outside them. Because when it's in there, that's what they carry into the world. And when you look around the world and you see the non-peace, it's because the people who are acting are in non-peace. They're in turmoil, they're in fear, they're in anger, they're living there, and that's what they bring out into the world. And that's what stops peace from being out there. And so I think that we are right now, every time we look at what's going on in the world that we don't like, got to ask ourselves, what do I want? What has not been working? I'm gonna cry. Where do I want to go? What does that look like? And whether that's within the privacy of your own existence, your own day-to-day living, or whether it's what you want for the world. What do I want? What has not been working?

SPEAKER_00: 9:22

Yeah, I think there's a there's sort of a collective consciousness tapping into right now that a lot of people are really feeling. Like you said, it's excuse me, it's just not really working. And the collective consciousness is feeling muddled and muddled and fearful. And if I imagine the energy of it, it's like static TV buzzing, you know. And it really is a call, I think, right now to focus on your light, focus inwards and find that peace because it is in there. It is, it is there, but it can be hard to see when the world around you looks chaotic. And I think I've mentioned this metaphor before. The idea of, you know, if you're at the end of your driveway and looking back at your house and it's foggy, right? Doesn't mean that your house is gone. Just means that there's fog around it. So if the fog is the lack of peace, just know that you you can clear that. The house is still there, you're still there, and there is peace that can be found. But like you said, it has to be found internally before we can see it externally. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03: 10:42

What do I want and what does that look like? Where do I want to go and what does that look like? What a wonderful exercise to sit with that today, no matter when you're listening to this. Could you take just 10 minutes today and ask yourself, what do I want? Where do I want to go? What does that look like?

SPEAKER_00: 11:04

And then the chat. I feel like these questions could be a retreat. Imagine spending time in this and meditating and asking your guides.

SPEAKER_03: 11:14

I think if you sat with this, you're gonna bump up against a lot of limiting beliefs.

SPEAKER_02: 11:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03: 11:22

And that's why we need a retreat. That's why a retreat would be worth it.

SPEAKER_02: 11:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03: 11:28

Because you could spend time on all of those limiting beliefs. I mean, it's really easy to picture a better world, I think. I think it starts with just plucking all the rotten stuff out of it. I want a world without these things. And then it's okay, I want a world with these things. And in that process of imagining that, you're gonna go through, oh, you could never get rid of that. Oh, that system's absolutely necessary. Oh, that that way is, you know, oh, there's too much. And you're gonna bump into all your fears, all the things that you're afraid of. And you gotta ask yourself, why am I afraid of these things? Are they real? The thing about fears is most of them aren't real. It's not that I suppose it's not imaginable. I'm sure we can imagine the horrible things that we might choose to be afraid of. It isn't that it isn't imaginable, it's just that it isn't actually real. The world is not out to get.

SPEAKER_00: 12:32

Yeah, yeah. I was gonna say, let's give an example. The world is out to get me. Okay, like that would be our example. Well, what is the, you know, the core belief that is attached to that? It might be a security belief. I'm not safe. And then diving into, well, who who made me feel that way? Right. And we're not out to judge, but we're just out to acknowledge and recognize that it didn't, you know, you weren't born for the most part feeling that way.

unknown: 13:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 13:02

These are impressions that we received from people in our lives growing up. And maybe that means that your parents felt unsafe in the world, or one of your parents did, or you picked it up, whether it was spoken or energetically. And when we start to uncover those limiting beliefs and where they come from, you know, it sort of bubbles up to the conscious mind, and then it can get released over time, sometimes right away. You know, I've seen pretty amazing things happen, but sometimes it's a it's a little bit of a of an exercise.

SPEAKER_03: 13:35

I think we're taught from the very beginning to be afraid of people and afraid of the world. And those of us who aren't afraid of everybody, the ones that aren't fearful of being out there in the world, are the ones who believe in themselves as having the ability to spot trouble when it's upon them. They believe in themselves as being worthwhile, and they're not looking for others to make them feel good about themselves. So they can't be sucked into the game of uh of people's and businesses and marketing's seductions. The seductions that say you're not good enough, but you will be with this. You're not good enough, but if you had my friendship, to love yourself and trust yourself and trust your own awareness. Those are the people who aren't walking around afraid of the world. And so when you're little, and the first message you get is the world's a scary place, and I need to take care of you. So you need to do what I tell you to do, because otherwise you're at risk.

SPEAKER_00: 14:42

Which is a pretty normal like uh that's big, right? That's that's something that is runs through families, runs through the world.

SPEAKER_03: 14:52

Oh, it's and it's considered to be important, and it's considered to be good to do that with your kids.

SPEAKER_02: 15:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03: 15:00

To make them cautious and aware and afraid. But what it does is it makes them question themselves. And then when they doubt themselves and they're in a situation, they're quick to hand over their safety and they're quick to hand over their worth. Can you see yourself as lovable quite apart from whether or not somebody loves you? Can you see yourself as worthy and capable quite apart from somebody telling you so? Can you see yourself as lovable and worthy in spite of others telling you that you're not, in spite of the world suggesting that you're quite inadequate and you're unsafe and you don't know how to take care of yourself? I always talk to my clients about learning lessons the hard way. You know, the easy way is when mom bends down, kisses you on the forehead, and tells you you're wonderful. And then you can learn that you're wonderful and you're capable and you're love. And that's a perfect lesson. But when somebody in the schoolyard calls you a goof and everybody laughs, that's learning the lesson the hard way. No, I'm worthy, I'm lovable. There's nothing wrong with me. Your words don't matter. Your words are about you. You feel like a goof, and you're projecting that out on everyone else in the world so that you can feel better. That's learning that lesson the hard way. And there's not going to be somebody standing over you whispering that in your ear. You have to learn that lesson internally. You have to, you know, I say it to my clients, you're not going to the gym to lift the little feathers. That's not going to make you strong.

SPEAKER_02: 16:38

Except me.

SPEAKER_03: 16:39

You're not going to the gym to watch other people exercise. That's not going to make you strong. What's going to make you stronger is when you pick things up that you can't pick up, that you think you can't pick up, that you think and you're afraid of picking up. When you pick yourself up bit by bit and push yourself further and further, you get stronger and stronger. And it's wonderful when you have outside people whispering in your ear. No, you're wonderful, you're lovable, you're capable, you're worthy. It's wonderful when you have somebody whispering that in your ear, but it's not helpful because you still learn to rely on others. So when somebody takes those words away, you no longer feel that way. You have to learn to generate that in yourself for yourself. That's strength. And sometimes we get stronger the easy way because the people who love us tell us we're lovable. And sometimes we get stronger the hard way because somebody on the highway gives us the finger and we don't even know why. Right? Somebody in the mall says something nasty and we don't even know why. Some kid in the schoolyard says something nasty and we don't even know why.

SPEAKER_00: 17:55

We feel it. And then we so if there's a background in our mind, if there's an old pattern or program running that you know, subconsciously we feel not good enough or not lovable, that person in the mall that says something nasty, we we have a reaction to. Keep walking.

SPEAKER_03: 18:47

Bounce right off.

SPEAKER_00: 18:48

Right? It wouldn't, you wouldn't accept it. But those critical ages from you know zero to 10, 12, things are going right in, right? It's like computer programmer. You're you're you're you're programming this computer that's going to run you for the rest of your life. And so when you hear someone in the mall or down the street saying something to you, it's not the adult you that's reacting to that. It's the little you that feels that way.

SPEAKER_03: 19:15

It is fearful that it might be true. So there's your refrain for the day. I am not going to rely on others to feel worthy of myself, to feel loving of myself. I'm not going to rely on others to know my worth, to know my lovability. And it's a big step because when it's there, you address the world in a different way. And most importantly, you empower yourself to ask and answer the question, what do I want? And what does it look like? And when you're answering those questions, then every day you form the intention of creating that. What do I want? What's not been working? Okay, what can I change? What can I do differently?

SPEAKER_00: 20:05

I think uh oh, sorry.

SPEAKER_03: 20:06

I was just going to the next one. No, where do I want to go? And what does that look like? It's that internal sense of worthiness that inhibits those questions. It's those limiting beliefs inside us that we carried since we were little about our worthiness, our entitlement, our our deservingness that interfere with that.

SPEAKER_00: 20:29

What do I want? I think uh most people will say happiness. Yeah. I want happiness. But when you think about what that looks like, right, then jump to the next question. What does that look like? It would mean that external events are happening and they make you happy. And that's not usually helpful. It's nice. It's nice. But for years now, we've sort of been helping people with this idea of maybe a part of what you want is peace instead of happiness, right? Because peace is internal and it runs, it's an engine that runs itself, right? And happiness is external and is brought about by external circumstances, right? But of course, you look out into the world and everybody's selling happiness because it's a quick sell, right? It's that dopamine hit.

SPEAKER_03: 21:18

It's an emotion.

SPEAKER_00: 21:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03: 21:20

And that's the thing of it, right? Emotions are trained. Emotions are messages. Emotions are meant to bring things. And this, I think, you've hit you've you've you've hit the nail on the head. We are trained to think that happiness is what we want. Happiness is a reaction. There's tons of science about happiness. It's unbelievable how much in the last 40 years we have been studying the idea of happiness and what it is and how people experience it. And happiness is really easy to experience because it's simply things getting better. Whatever your situation, if things get better, you experience The emotion of happiness, right? That comes to you. You experience an elation, a heightened emotion. The thing about peace is it is a kind of true joy in life that is not contingent on what's going on around you. In fact, it is bulletproof, right? True peace exists in spite of what's going on around you. And this is, as you said, this is what I say to my clients is there's something better than happiness. Is there something more than happiness? Happiness is the height of that emotional roller coaster. Anger or despair is the bottom of that roller coaster. Fear is the bottom of that roller coaster. Happiness and joy, they're the height of that roller coaster. And emotions are very useful things. They guide us, they inform us, they help us understand the situation that we're in or how we're interpreting it anyway. We might not actually understand, we might be interpreting it incorrectly, but these emotions are very much based on how we're interpreting what's going on around us. And so some people will feel that feeling of happiness when they get something new. And then they associate getting with happiness, and then they're in the constant pursuit of getting because they know getting always seems like an improvement, always leads to happiness, and that's the height. And that is transient, even to the point where some people, the instant they get something, they have to go get more. Because that wonderful elation that comes at the height of happiness is transient. It's gone. And when you can see through that roller coaster, when you can see that my emotions are the function of how I interpret things, and that emotion takes me up or it takes me down, but most importantly, it gives me a message about how I'm interpreting the circumstance I'm in, which is really just meant to motivate me to maybe do more or do less or get the heck out of there, right? That's emotion, and they're useful and they're good as long as we don't hang on to them, as long as we use the message within them and we move on from them. We're motivated to act from them. But peace is that sense that I am loved and I am worthy and I am safe no matter what goes on around me.

SPEAKER_00: 24:26

Yeah. You can see this sometimes. Hope I don't rock the boat with this example, but uh you can see it with uh some kids at Christmas, right? When they receive a pile of presents and they'll be unwrapping one and they'll be so excited and they'll get it all out of the box and they'll be so excited, and then you'll see them sort of slump for a moment, and they're like, Where's the next one? Right. And it's this excitement downward, excitement downward excitement, right? And yeah, it's it it's I mean, you see it, you see it with so many things shopping addictions, right? That buy button, that that dopamine hit when you hit the buy button, and then the little hit when you get it in the mail. But usually you're thinking, what did I order? Right? It just runs through society. I mean, it's totally normal. It's it's tot, you know, completely normal.

SPEAKER_03: 25:22

Oh yeah, we're we're really well programmed.

SPEAKER_00: 25:25

But it certainly sounded something to think about, and think about if that's truly what you want.

SPEAKER_03: 25:30

It's funny. I actually heard a story about a family that did that this Christmas where they saw their kids having a really good time, but realized the sort of overwhelmment that their kids were experiencing from all the stuff, and they they quickly and subtly grabbed up a whole bunch of gifts that hadn't been opened yet and just put them away, right? Let the kids enjoy what they have, let them be into the gift that they got and not be focused on that what's next, what's more, what's more, right?

SPEAKER_02: 26:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03: 26:06

And it's that's the that's the heart of addiction, right? Yeah, it is that emotional upliftment. You know, sometimes it comes because we're feeling so lousy, we're so confused, we're so fearful, we're so so down on ourselves.

SPEAKER_02: 26:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03: 26:19

And anything that causes us for a moment to not think about that becomes our go-to, whether it's ice cream or alcohol, right? It becomes our go-to.

SPEAKER_00: 26:29

Yeah. Yeah. So what does that look like? You know, it can look like peace. Uh, you know, I would always say, well, add peace to your list. But uh yeah, what do you want your life to look like? I think I think it's a wonderful exercise to just imagine.

SPEAKER_03: 26:47

Well, it's the power of the details.

SPEAKER_00: 26:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03: 26:50

The details that you add to this picture, to this intention, right down to the subtle things, and and it's not just what it looks like with all its details, it's what it feels like, it's what it smells like, it's what it tastes like, right? All these sensations, all these perceptions, all of our senses, when they're fully activated, then you're fully there. And that's when you'll know your intention has come about, right? When all of those conditions are met. And it can be a small intention, really small intention. Like, you know, I do it all the time now. When it's snowing and the weather's bad, I form the intention. It is my intention to get where I'm going safely and have a calm drive getting there. And I picture myself just driving calmly, having the car under control, getting to my location safely, seeing myself at the location, calm and relaxed. It's just a silly little way. But I believe that it's the opposite of getting in the car, seeing the weather, and going, oh my God, what's going to happen? That's when we invite ourselves to start forming intentions of fear, start forming, you know, plans, worries about what bad things can happen. And I think that that's that has a completely different impact on the field, on the quantum, on the way we are experiencing, experiencing things.

SPEAKER_00: 28:21

Yeah, it's a it's a great exercise. We hear it, you know, I guess the buzzword for it is manifesting. That's the if you look into the exercise of manifesting, you're you're gonna come across, you're gonna bump into these, these ideas. But really, I think they're just old uh exercises that people have done for whether they know it or not, forever throughout human history, I think. When, like the other day, we bump up against the contrast. We talked about this the other day, the contrast of life, and we go, I don't, I don't want this anymore, right? I don't want this kind of life, or I don't want this in my life, or I don't want this emotion to cause me issue any longer, then it is natural to start to move in the opposite direction or a direction that is not that. And I think, like we said in the beginning, like you have to choose. You have to choose that direction. You don't have to know what it looks like exactly when you first start thinking or feeling about it, but I think you have to make the choice to shift. Otherwise, you're you're just gonna keep doing what you've been doing. Think about your habits, think about your rituals in the morning. You know, I I I keep hearing that tea would be nice in the morning, like you know, instead of coffee, maybe, you know, but I can't make that shift, but I would have to really, really choose to have tea. And I know in the past that it's been nice and it's made me feel good, and uh but for some reason I I can't make that shift. But I think choosing is the beginning, right?

SPEAKER_03: 30:08

And so I want.

SPEAKER_00: 30:10

Yeah, what do I want?

SPEAKER_03: 30:11

And then and spending time in that question, what does it look like? Yeah, right? Just spend time there. You don't it might take some effort. I mean, this is not what you were raised to do, right? No, you weren't raised to to challenge the status quo, you weren't raised to think differently than everybody else. You weren't raised to think and exist as your own personal set of preferences. You weren't raised to to do that, and yet I have a complete belief that that would serve the world if we did, and and that it's really the comparisons that cause people to act out. Yeah, I don't have what I'm supposed to have, I'm not living what I'm supposed to be living, but but says who, right? Says who. If you can say says me, all right, go for it. But it's hard to really not recognize that there really isn't much in your mind that wasn't put there by somebody else. Yeah, so start taking ownership of that. It's gonna be what do I want? Start taking ownership of that in this world of chaos. What's not been working? Right? Where do I want to go? What do what's the world I want to see? What does that look like? And spend time in what it looks like. And that will clarify that first question. What do I want?

SPEAKER_00: 31:37

Yeah, yeah. I do think this would be an excellent workshop, like a two-day workshop or something, maybe later this month. Yeah, so hey, thanks for hanging out, everyone. And we're gonna get going here. Do we have any like seventh path starts tonight?

SPEAKER_03: 31:52

Please just check out our school.

SPEAKER_00: 31:54

Yeah, yeah. The link is below wherever you're listening from.

SPEAKER_03: 31:57

It's free, right? To check it out, it's free.

SPEAKER_00: 32:00

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03: 32:00

So just check it out. And if there's something there for you, great. And if there isn't something there for you, let us know what you would would want to find there. What do you want? Because part of what we want is to have this holistic place where people can come.

SPEAKER_00: 32:15

Yeah, that's right. Okay.