Coffee With Hilary and Les from State of Mind Hypnosis and Training Centre

When We Choose Intention, We Stop Reacting And Start Creating

Hilary & Les Season 4 Episode 18

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Two hosts explore how intention transforms experience, moving from phone distractions and group pressure to a vivid, self-directed life. We unpack the courage to create for ourselves, set boundaries, and become beacons without forcing change.

• contrast as the basis of perception and motivation
• intention as a lens that organizes choices
• phone addiction reframed as lost purpose
• rediscovering dreams through imagination and hypnosis
• creating for yourself without marketplace approval
• the risk of external validation and creative freeze
• sensory visioning of “where do I want to go”
• community influence, group vibes, and fitting in
• courage to be disliked and hold boundaries
• being a beacon without controlling others’ responses


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SPEAKER_05:

We are on the line.

SPEAKER_03:

On a beautiful Monday morning. Half awake.

SPEAKER_01:

There's some pink clouds. And that's nice. Cause it's like actual morning going on now.

SPEAKER_03:

Right. Yeah, it wasn't that long ago that we were doing this.

SPEAKER_01:

In the dark.

SPEAKER_03:

Totally in the dark. At this time, and it wouldn't really get light till yeah, till like quarter to eight or so happy.

SPEAKER_01:

Mist is rising off the river. It's cold, but it's supposed to get warmer. It's funny when you talk about minus A just being warm.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. The contrast, of course.

SPEAKER_01:

All about contrasts.

SPEAKER_03:

Shorts and t-shirts. Maybe not that much.

SPEAKER_01:

Everything is a contrast.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. Very Canadian, yes.

SPEAKER_01:

It's interesting to contemplate that, I think. A contrast? Everything is a contrast. And we perceive because of contrast.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

We get motivated because of contrast. We try to create contrasts. Sometimes the contrasts are only in our mind. This is we we use the word reality, and I think that's a bad word. I don't think it's a helpful word. I think everything is experience. Even if even if the world was real, I only have my experience of it. Does that make sense to you? Do you look at me like I'm uh oh, he's gone, he's lost, oh no, shut down the podcast.

SPEAKER_03:

All the wagon. Um, I think Yeah, no, I I think I think the only way we imagine this to be reality is is the experien is the experiences that we have. If if we're not experiencing contrast, then what is we look to our experience and anything external, we call it real.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Right? This table is real. Bang, bang, bang, right? This table is real, but that's my experience of it. Quantum physics tells me it doesn't exist if I'm not looking at it.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. Or if you were so minuscule, I mean, beyond our what is fathomable, if that's the right word. If that's even a word, but if you were that small, you could just move right through the table, and it wouldn't even be anything to you.

SPEAKER_01:

Or it can shift your state of mind. It's a table because I think it's a table. I guess what I'm driving at, though, without trying to get too deep into silliness, is just that what we have is experience. We interpret everything. Yeah, everything is an interpretation, and most of the stuff that's that's out there that's going on, we don't even bother to interpret it. It just doesn't have any relevance to us.

SPEAKER_05:

Right.

SPEAKER_01:

And so it's not really forming part of our experience. Right. If I told you that such and such team won a cricket match, you'd go, oh. Right. Oh, and there's parts of the world, so parts of the world listening to to this that cricket is really important.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

And part of who they see themselves as being. A contrast. Contrast is the way we perceive. So where do I want to go?

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, for the last week, last week, we spoke about different questions. God, you would think I would have them memorized for now, but now I need to come right into my notes.

SPEAKER_01:

What do I think?

SPEAKER_03:

Racing of questions, is that what you're saying?

SPEAKER_01:

That was the first question. That was the first question. The ultimate question, it seems, in the last couple of months.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. I don't know why I'm not finding it. Oh, here it is. What do I want? What has not been working? So we did that on Thursday because we missed Friday. And today is where do I want to go? Tomorrow is what does that look like?

SPEAKER_01:

And all of this is a process to engage to formulate intentions, which is a much more mindful way of living.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, mindless way of living being relatively unrewarding and generally unsatisfying.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, if we're living mindlessly and we're not, you know, it it sort of assumes that we're not really consciously making decisions for ourselves. It's the idea that we react, we're reacting to life. And if we start making conscious decisions of where we want to go, what we want in our lives, that kind of stuff. We become creators. I mean, yes, life is going to happen around us, but you know, maybe we're not into reacting the same way that we used to.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, with an intention, I think your your senses are alert. With intention, your mind is focused on a goal in a more specific way.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Which is going to really subtly and probably very effectively change how you respond to conditions around you and what you do. As opposed to that typical way that we live, which is, well, I'm going to get up and go to work, and I'm going to do work, and then I'm going to come home. And I'll see what happens along the way.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

And how you can more specifically refine that, more specifically attend to that, and as a result, um, probably be way more effective. And it's not just, I think, it's a balance then of both just knowing that we live in a physical world and dealing with physical phenomena that we interpret. We don't have to call them real. We can call them experiences, we can call them phenomena, subject to our own interpretation, but with intention, we interpret them relative to our goal rather than just sort of fumbling our way through them.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

And within them can be the signs and the inspirations that we're looking for to get us closer to where it was we said we wanted to go. And that's the thing. Where do we want to go? That's the question. Before we answer that question, I just want to say that one of the biggest things I've found working with people that are frustrated with things they might call addictions and specifically their phone. The phone is a problem. It grabs their attention, it provides comfort, it provides distraction, it takes them away from their worries, it guides them towards lovely cat videos that make them laugh and giggle. That feels way better than what's going on in their life. And what I found was that the problem there wasn't that their life was so bad. It was that their life didn't feel like purpose anymore. What is it that you're aspiring to? What are you seeking? And in those cases, you know, they woke up. It was like quite literally an experience of waking up, just the look on their face, the way they shifted in the chair, right? It was like somebody reminded them that they had, you know, a hundred bucks in their pocket that they'd forgotten about. It was like, oh, there's possibilities here. And they returned in their minds to their dreams. And in both cases, you know, one hypnosis session had them refocused on their dreams, and the phone problem disappeared. It just disappeared, it became irrelevant. In fact, in one case, the person just decided that they were just not going to carry their phone around. It was just an unnecessary distraction in accomplishing what they wanted to accomplish. And so, where do I want to go? Where do I want to go? I think we don't ask that question enough. I think we don't dream enough. We've talked about imagination, and I think that's the tool of dreaming. That's one of the great tools of living. But where do I want to go? Sort of invites a dream, an aspiration, an aim.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. Yeah, it's funny as as you were talking there, I do think the word dream killer came to mind when I thought about phones and even expanding on that, TVs and just the things we get sucked into, right? And it's so easy to have those dreams. I don't think they necessarily just completely disappear, but they certainly become secondary or even further away than what we are focused on or spiraling into or numbing ourselves with.

SPEAKER_01:

I think you're right that having dreams is easier than we think it is because it's more close to our nature. You know, the programming that we experience to comply and be part of the world is really suppressing our desire to sing our own song, to do our own dance, to create for ourselves, right? Even to the point of, you know, like some of the greats, the great creators created for themselves, you know, you know, like Alexander Graham Bell. He was working on a hearing aid, he just wanted his deaf wife to be able to hear his voice.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Right? And then we take it and we turn it into the marketplace.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

And we we get programmed into thinking that the marketplace is the only place where our creativity matters. That our ability to be inspired, act on that inspiration, create from that inspiration for our own satisfaction is enough.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

It's enough. I don't need other people to say, oh, that's beautiful, Les, or what a good job. Or I really enjoy it. In fact, when I think about it, that's the way I played the guitar for most of my life. You know, by myself in a room. Safe because I could experiment and try things. It was in that process that I developed my own styles, that I really felt I had my own style when I played. And then I shared that with others, and that was that was certainly had its own rewards and had its own outcomes. But I still, you know, you might not know this, but my favorite times are to sit on the couch when you're off doing something else. And I sit down and I take up the guitar, and Tyke comes and sits right on my foot, and I just start, I almost feel silly saying it. I just start singing. I just play and I sing, and it comes from me. It's for me. For me and the wisdom of the universe, whatever that might be. The point is, I think that we lose that. We lose that willingness in our busy life of lists. Right.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh, I was just gonna add to that the sort of idea that's come to me of when we're younger, it's so easy to go running to mom or dad or whoever with something you've done, hoping for the exact reply from them or feeling or approval approval. And most of the time we don't get the exact approval that we want. And I think that just starts a cascade of feeling like, oh well, maybe I can't do that or something like that.

SPEAKER_01:

It fits into the program.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. So uh to your point about creating for themselves, I think, and I I struggle with this, as you know. I I have a hard time creating for myself, right? I every time I've created in the past 25 plus years, right? It's been like, well, how how could you sell that? Right. So again, into the into the the world of sales, right? Into the economy. And so now you're not creating for yourself, you're creating with the vision of it being accepted by the economy, and then maybe it doesn't sell, and then you just let it all go, right?

SPEAKER_01:

But I think experience of you for me, I when I go away for a couple of days, I come back, and the house is all changed, okay, and you've got your easel up in the corner, and you've got five or six little paintings that you've done, and I think it's the same thing.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, I think well, I I think you mean creating for yourself, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

And although I don't come home and and rant and rave about it, I do like it when you do this. It is fun, it is fun to see what I'm coming home to.

SPEAKER_03:

And I I suppose, yeah, and I suppose yeah, when we're by ourselves, we don't have anyone watching, we we have we feel more open to creating, maybe. But I thought I thought about this idea of creating for ourselves, and and then when we create for others, if we're stuck in that loop, it it naturally, if we're out there asking, what do you think of this? What do you think of this idea? What do you think of what I made? What do you right? Everyone will reply based on their past. And unfortunately, you know, you don't have control for that. But when we create for others, it brings others' opinions into it. And I think just one opinion, just like our parents, right, when we go running to them with something, one opinion that's off of what we want it to be, can squish our dream. And freeze us, can freeze us. It's no different than like when I do interviews on uh on YouTube, they'll tell me the interview's out, but I will never, ever, ever go and look at the comments, right? I will never go look at it because you know 95 comments could be nice. But if there's one comment that is off that is nasty or you know, trolly, I'll shut down. Right? So I I think I think how do we move from being at the I don't know, uh, whim or you know, being at the disposal of other people's comments for our creativeness, creativity. How do we move from that to creating for ourselves? And I think that's where joy comes in. I spoke last week a little bit about how over the years I've looked for joy. I've like, what what brings me joy? And you know, I've found I've found things now, but over the years it was really hard thinking about it because I couldn't latch on to anything that brought me joy. There was excitement, but only with the idea that someone might like it. Right. In the comments here, we have uh it's like being creative is only of value if someone else wants to monetize it.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, that's that's the program, isn't it? That's the program exactly. The program is economy comes first, economics come first, monetization comes first. And it actually doesn't, it is a rare and almost accidental sometimes result of genuine creation.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah, that's true.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, I like the question. This is I'm having a lot of fun with these questions by focusing on the questions. Where do I want to go? It's interesting that they phrase it that way. You know, when I think about where, I think of a location, but a location has all five senses attached to it, right? So let's use an easy example. Niagara Falls. Niagara Falls has a sound. If you've ever been to Niagara Falls, you find yourself shouting because it has a sound and it's loud and it has a smell because the moist air is not just water, right? And it has a feel because the mist is on your face, right? You're gonna get wet if you get up to those falls, you're going to get wet. And of course, you know, um there's a Starbucks, not So we can have your taste. The taste of nightfalls. But there's a there's a taste to it. Anyway, when I'm driving that is where do you want to go? It's it's complete. I like that idea that it's not just what do you want to accomplish? Right? It isn't about accomplishment. Accomplishment almost is an external evaluation, not an internal one. And often we want to accomplish things that include others, right? I want to have an impact on others. And that's kind of a that's kind of a dangerous one, isn't it?

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, if I'm hearing you right, I I think it is because our idea of the impact is coming from us. And if they don't respond the way again, back to responding, like they don't respond or feel the impact that we in our mind made up as the exact impact for them, then we sometimes can give up on that. Is that what you meant?

SPEAKER_01:

Well, that and many other things, yeah. Yeah. I mean, as soon as as soon as you're reliant on other people's reaction for your happiness, you know, the it's out of the doubt a change, you know. When I care of others' opinion, I am their prisoner. Where do I want to go? Emphasis on the I. Where being this complete location, not just uh what do I want to accomplish or what do I want to do? It's like my actions are leading me somewhere that includes maybe a new view of myself and a new view of the world and a new view of what's possible.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, I think there's this idea of maybe a new community, new relationships. The idea earlier today from someone in the chat came up about the idea that we become the we become like the five people that surround us. And if we get really caught up with their opinion of us, then it's hard to break away if we're if we're reliant on that opinion.

SPEAKER_01:

I think that that suggests that sometimes where we want to go, there's going to be different people.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, we we tend to be drawn to the level of the people around us. And oftentimes, you know, like when you when you put yourself in a crowd of people, you know, four, five, ten people, you put yourself in that crowd, you're doing your best, really. You find yourself quickly doing your best to fit in. You're trying to to contribute to whatever the vibe is of that group and not your own unique vibe.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

And you quickly become in that pursuit of fitting in, you quickly become like that. And that can be wonderful if that group has aspirations that raise you up, and that group is bringing you toward that higher self that you are, and it can be stifling if that group is keeping you from taking risks and taking chances and keeping you from where you want to go.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. And all that that group has to do to do be like that is for you to express yourself and then say, well, you know, even if you think they're your friends or something, they have their own opinions, right? And maybe they're scared, they would be scared of doing that thing that you want to do. That doesn't mean that you can't do it, but they're probably going to express that fear somehow, like, well, well, be careful, or you know, are you sure you can do that? Or do you have, you know, sure you can afford that? That kind of stuff.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, when you express it, you're going to quickly know whether or not you belong there.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. Yeah. But if you're susceptible to, again, others' opinions, you might find yourself staying there, right? Out of fear. Oh man, there's such a deep dive on like community mindset.

SPEAKER_01:

I immediately go to the workplace.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

The workplace where we go every day, and you're surrounded by those who are not living intentionally, are feeling maybe just as trapped as anybody. Certainly, if you're feeling trapped, you're probably surrounded by people feeling trapped. That sense of being trapped is probably going to be a group kind of dynamic. And that's going to put limits what you think is where I can go.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Where do I want to go holistically? I like that because it's so holistic. It's not what do I want to accomplish today, or what do I want to achieve, or what do I want to get done, which is really the way we live, right? I want to get through the day. I want to get through another day at work. Right? No, where do we want to go? It sort of invites us, even if it's within that framework, even if it's within community, a context that might feel limiting. Where do I want to go there? Where do I where do I want to vibe on this? Where do I want to resonate? Yeah, it's a tough question. It's a good question. It's a good question because it's so big. And yeah, and if you find your vibe being hard to sustain or impossible to establish in certain circles, well, where do I want to go?

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. There are people out there that will vibe it the same way as you. It's easy. I think most of society, not because of any ill thoughts or anything like that, but most of society is programmed to vibrate the same, you know, yeah, you know, in in fear and judgment. And that's pretty normal. It it is not surprising that when you start to look elsewhere, when you start to look for I don't even like saying higher vibration, just a different vibration, right? Higher kind of makes it like it's better or something. It's it's it's more helpful, maybe. But it's no surprise to me that myself, you, if I can speak for you, I'm I'm sure I can for this. When we start vibrating higher, our group gets small.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

And that's okay, right? That's that's perfectly fine.

SPEAKER_01:

But you also find that that group loves your presence.

SPEAKER_03:

Yes.

SPEAKER_01:

Just your presence, just being there. They love that.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

You know, where do I want to go is an invitation to establish your vibe, to be strong in your clarity of where I want to go. I mean, you single individuals can move into a workplace and change the vibe.

SPEAKER_05:

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Because they're strong in their mind and in their their intention to be in an environment with a specific vibe, with a particular vibration.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

I mean, many of us just, you know, we're just so in the habit of giving in to whatever's going on.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

It doesn't mean we we can't resist it. It doesn't mean we we couldn't succeed in changing the vibe, but it requires a certain amount of strength in yourself.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. You have to be okay with the thought, whether it's happening or not. You have to be okay with the thought that the people around you might be wondering why you're not fitting in or, you know, in their mind. I think when we find ourselves in in situations, and I'm sure many people are these days, where groups of people are judging and complaining and ton of stuff. But if you feel like, oh, I don't want to fall into that, I don't want to get down, I don't wanna it you do feel a little bit like you're in your own bubble. And you gotta be strong in that bubble if that's if that's where you want to go, right? And know that the people that notice you not spiraling into judgment and complaining with the others, chances are they might come to you afterwards and they'll notice, they'll notice. And if they don't want to be doing it either, but they're getting sucked in, they'll gravitate towards you. And who knows, maybe that's a new friend.

SPEAKER_01:

It just reminds me of a book that I was reading in Cuba last year, The Courage to Be Disliked. Yeah, it's really focused on Adlerian psychology. It's really a book that explains Adlerian psychology and just how people are truly motivated from within. But I think there's a lot of strength in the willingness to be disliked.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, I'm compelled to say you're gonna be. Yeah, I mean I don't think there's a soul on the planet that hasn't experienced being disliked, yeah, that hasn't suffered over the idea that they are disliked, that hasn't struggled to fit in in a place where they are disliked.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

And again, it's that that idea that you know, like one person can enter a group of five and bring the vibe to a certain level, and another person can join that group now of sets, and the one that brought the vibe to a certain level will resist this new person taking the vibe to a new place. Yeah, and that dynamic is well, it's just important. It's important, it's important to embrace.

SPEAKER_03:

It's important to be aware of, like uh when you go into a situation like that. Is that what you mean?

SPEAKER_01:

Well, I think sometimes if you're comfortable with where you want to go, if you're clear about where you want to go, and that includes the vibe, that includes the way people interact, that includes the emotions, that includes the the overall feel. If you're clear about that and you bring that forward, you are definitely going to have an impact on those around you. And you should expect immediately that there's going to be resistance.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

And that's okay.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Right? That doesn't mean you change, that doesn't mean you shift, that doesn't mean you move to their vibrational level. That's a that's about that clarity of where do I want to go.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. And it's not walking into the group thinking I'm gonna change these people. It's just walking into the group with your light.

SPEAKER_01:

I am going to be who I am. And I am, I want to be in this kind of environment.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

And I am going to stay strong in that.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

And it's and I think it's not just about others, I think it's about your goals, right? What did those first two questions? What do I want? What has not been working? It's about wanting something different, and knowing that it hasn't been simple and easy, and wanting specifically to change and be aware of specifics that you want to change. And then knowing, and the third question leads you what you want to change it into.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

In the chat, just as we wrap up here, I feel a responsibility to be in places to bring light and love to the darker places slash people. But I have to be mindful about limiting my time in those places. They can very easily influence me too. Yeah, I mean, that's exactly what we we've been saying, kind of talking about, eh? And it is important. And that's good that you're mindful about limiting your time.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, I think that speaks to the awareness that I am not where I want to go.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

When you get there, you bring who you want to be, and you bring where you want to go with you. And when it shows itself as this is not the place where I will be where I want to go, that you move.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

No apologies.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. And I think it's important, especially as as we bring light, you know, we talk about light workers or people that want to be sort of like beacons of light. Lighthouses, right, for people. I think it's very important because at first, for many of us, we can think that we have to be in control of how people are responding to our light as if we're gonna change them somehow, right? Try your best to let go of the idea of changing others with your light and just be that beacon. And the people that will want to gravitate towards that beacon, they will they will. And it's not up to you who's you know going to do that or should or should be doing that, or any of that. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_00:

Uh yes, it does.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Does to me.

SPEAKER_03:

So yeah. I think that was a good chat. We're gonna wrap up here. Is there something you wanted to say?

SPEAKER_01:

No, I think it's just worth some time to try to answer that question for yourself.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, and we'll uh chances are we'll expand on it again a little bit tomorrow.

SPEAKER_01:

And and well, tomorrow it's what does it look like? Which is really about getting into those broader specifics. Exactly. Exactly.

SPEAKER_03:

Well, thanks guys for hanging out. And February, just to uh give you guys an overview, February hasn't been populated yet. We've got a couple meetings today with people that are part of the school, and one of them uh we're hoping is doing a workshop in February, but all that's gonna be populated over the next today and tomorrow.

SPEAKER_01:

And self-hypnosis starts tomorrow. If you've done it before, join in. If you haven't done it before, join in. We can have some fun.

SPEAKER_02:

Absolutely, absolutely.

SPEAKER_05:

I just want to say, I feel compelled to say, if you're listening to this now, remember that you are a light and your only obligation is to shine. Beautiful.