Coffee With Hilary and Les from State of Mind Hypnosis and Training Centre
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Coffee With Hilary and Les from State of Mind Hypnosis and Training Centre
Why We DON'T Do The Things We WANT To Do
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We explore how mental habits form, why fear sits at the front of the mind, and how reframing, second thoughts, and small wins create real change. We share stories about weight, visibility, and guilt, and end with practical tools for forgiveness and inner parenting.
• using the event–interpretation–emotion model to see choices
• catalog, category, curator: how the mind stores meaning
• fear-first interpretation and its costs
• second thought method to surface hidden beliefs
• visibility, safety, and weight loss reframes
• self-love as a practical foundation, not conceit
• small wins over grand targets to build trust
• breaking the guilt–punishment cycle
• observation over criticism to grow engagement
• training resistance and the anterior cingulate cortex
• forgiveness as letting love come first
• extracting wisdom from old wounds to reassign meaning
Our goal is to be helpful, to help people learn how their mind works and how they can use it to their own advantage and how our mind can really be the most powerful tool because it's where everything begins.
We hope this helps a little as you go through your day.
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SPEAKER_01:I wouldn't say that the sun is up, but it's telling us it's gonna be up. Somewhere down behind things, but it's a whole lot lighter.
SPEAKER_00:And it's snowing again.
SPEAKER_01:Holy smokes. More snow. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:So we are thinking about Fridays being sort of like a topic roulette type idea from listeners. So I put it in the chat, but if you guys have any topics, questions or questions, something you're thinking about today. Any idea?
SPEAKER_01:Something you're working on, something that really pisses you off. You know, for me, what I what I I guess I can say is that I really believe that for most of us, for most of our lives, we use our minds in ways that actually work against us. We have thought patterns and thought forms that we've been trained in, largely in fear, largely in reaction to things that aren't substantive. And we use our mind against ourselves. We we ruminate, you know, something happens and it's negative. And so we hang on to it and we just dwell on it, right? Or things aren't going the way we want in some aspect of our life, and we put a lot of energy into um blaming and figuring out, you know, whose fault this is and never really coming up with a solution. There's so many ways. These are just simple examples of so many ways we use our mind against ourselves. We get in the way of our own best interests. And it's just mental habits. And for me, that's like that was the magic of hypnosis 20 odd years ago, was that it helped me not just start to reverse some of those habits or to stop some of those habits, but it helped me to see how they come about and how I have lots of them. Maybe, you know, when I went to see Peggy and Peggy gave me hypnosis, she helped me with a couple of them. And some of them were dragging on from prior lives and all kinds of ways to describe it. But the point was that I realized I got more of this crap and I'm doing it to myself.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And then it was, well, here are some, you know, people talk today that the phrase is mind hack, right? But the idea is there are ways I can use my mind that help me rather than get in my way. And so depending on what we're doing, depending on what we're experiencing, there are different ways to think of things differently. And that is at its core the basis of a reframe, thinking about something differently. Now, the reframe has to be accurate, it has to be closer to truth, it has to be understandable. These are the things that that we do. So for me, when when somebody says to me, comes in the office and says, you know, I just really dissatisfied with the way I eat and my weight. Well, away we go. Let's start thinking about food and exercise and life and yourself and you know, this thing that you're calling a problem. Let's just think about it differently.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. Les sees me smiling because I'm looking at the comments is so on track with what you're talking about in different ways, but it's just exactly sort of what the listeners would like to hear today. So they were talking last night about the times that we want to do something healthy for ourselves, yet we just don't do it. We say we want this improvement, but we continue to stand in our own way.
SPEAKER_01:There's a million reasons for that. And in many ways, everyone's is unique. Like I think it's so important to understand that we all assemble our mind. We all so uh I use that model that we use all the time. And it's I think it's if you think about everything in your life that results in a mental engagement, a mental thought, a mental emotion. If you think about everything as being an event, a stimulus, and an interpretation of the stimulus of the event, and an emotion that results uh from that interpretation, then you're you're understanding why you do everything. That's that's how everything happens. And what happens is that there's habits. So the way we interpret some things now, or more importantly, the way we were taught to interpret some things, we hang on to and we continue to interpret them that way. And it gets, yeah, it gets cataloged, it gets categorized, and it gets curated. This is my new thing, right? I'm thinking about this for the last three days. It gets cataloged. Your mind is a massive memory thing, it's a massive video recorder. Everything that happens is in there. I can find, you know, using hypnosis, we can go into your mind and I can find what happened Wednesday, the 14th, is 16 years ago, right? It's it's in there. So it gets it gets categorized. Um, it gets it gets cataloged, and then it gets categorized as events, it gets categorized as emotions, and it gets categorized as meaning. And they cross-reference each other really, really quickly. But worse, it gets curated, right? We pick and choose what we allow ourselves to dwell on. We pick and choose certain things that we've interpreted and we turn them into beliefs, and then we take beliefs and we put them right up at the front of the catalog, and we we grab them first, and so much so that we use the beliefs to interpret the events, yeah. Right. So the big one that we all do, and it comes to us in a million ways, is fear, right? We keep all our fear stuff right up front, right? And we interpret everything that happens to us through that lens of fear, through that curated museum of my life based in fear. And so I immediately see something and I say, How's that going to affect me? What does that mean about me? Right. And then the answer to that question is waiting for me in my curated beliefs, right? Which start with, you're in danger. The world's a scary place, people can't be trusted, right? And then all of a sudden, you reinterpret this situation, which might be absolutely innocent. You know, some person yesterday I was walking down the street and I saw some guy and I thought I recognized him. I kind of squinted. And he looked at me and he kind of squinted, and we just said hello to each other, right? Now, it could have gone in a million directions, right? You can understand how for some people that could turn into a fist fight on the street. And for other people, it could turn into a handshake and a how are you doing, and it becomes a friendship, right? So there's a lot of possible, but what comes of it is really about what each of us believes about ourselves and that situation. We we interpret that situation based on that curated, categorized, and collected, right? Um cataloged set of experiences. And when you start just breaking everything down now, I find that I open myself up to two things. The first is an awareness of my beliefs about myself, and second, the opportunity to reinterpret the situation, right? If I slow it down, I get the chance to reinterpret it. I get the chance to choose uh what I'm going to put there as meaning.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. Uh yeah. I like the idea. I I use it with clients, this idea of second thought, and I'm gonna explain it. So as you maybe know, we do parts work and all that stuff. And when we when Les talks about these beliefs, they're usually not conscious in many, many instances. So it's not like we're walking around thinking about the belief. It's just that when we go to do something healthy for ourselves or expanding for ourselves, the belief is underlying and it and then it crops up when the resistance hits. So just the easiest example that everybody sort of knows about is Monday. We start the the diet or the lifestyle change, whatever you want to call it. And by Tuesday or Wednesday, the resistance has hit, but we don't know where that resistance comes from, right? Maybe it's an emotion that we're what we're filling or a void that we're filling. So I I like to use this idea of a second thought with clients. So we're looking for the limiting belief that's sort of underlying the situation. So we think of situations like if I lost the weight, how would I feel? If I was successful, how would I feel? If I was good with my finances, how would I feel? If I was able to, you know, for social anxiety, let's say, if I was able to go out to parties or if I was able to be social, how would I feel? So I I say it to clients, you know, let's use the weight one. If I lost the weight, a part of me would feel, and usually the the right there, right in front of them, oh my God, I would feel great, right? I'd fit into the clothes that I've been hanging on to for 20 years, you know, you you would feel good. And I then say, I sort of burst their bubble a little bit, but I'm like, okay, now what's your second thought? And usually the second thought is the one that's oh, well, maybe I I would be a little scared of being seen or something, right? A big one is if I'm successful, if you're successful, how would you feel? Part of a part of you, how how would you feel? Oh, I would feel amazing. You know, it's always that that first one, right? And that first thought gets you through the first few days. But if we give it a little second thought, it it sort of pulls up the next thing that that comes up, whether that's an emotion or right away a little thought in your mind. And so we use that thought, whether we regress on it or we pull it out of our body energetically, in the imagination, whatever comes to us to unlock where that comes from. So let's say I'm gonna give an example if it's okay with you. I give the example of that comes up a lot, actually, like more than more than uh I uh would imagine, but over the years this has come up. So if I lost the weight, a part of me would feel great, oh my god, great. Second thought, I'd be a little emotionally scared to be seen, right? Okay, well, let's go back to where that came from. And what comes up a lot is cat calling. Do you know what cat calling is? Yeah. So, you know, you're young, whatever, uh you're walking down the street minding your own business, and some guy yells at you out the window or from a from a window of a car or from whatever a construction site uh is the stereotypical one. But immediately there's fear, right? Immediately, and that fear locks in. And then it's compounded, right, over years, and then it ends up getting in the way and being that belief system that pulls you back on Wednesday of your diet, but you're not exactly sure where it's coming from. It's just this little bit of fear like, well, what if this happens? What am I gonna be safe? Anyway, second thought.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, and to to take that further, you know, for so many people, you know, I I'd even go so far as to say all of us. For all of us, there is always a question in our mind of whether or not we can handle what's coming our way, whether or not we are good enough. And we have lots of experiences catalogued away that can remind us of the moments, and we tend to curate them by bringing them forward quickly of the moments where we we we didn't do things as well as we might, when things that we hoped would would go well didn't go well, and we turn that on ourselves as being somehow inadequate. When I work with people with weight, men and women, it's really often a question of self-acceptance. Do I look at myself with love? Do I look at myself with an appreciation of what a wonderful creation I am?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:You know, and and you go, it doesn't take long, you know, it doesn't take long to go back to remember that we were raised to believe that someone who thinks highly of themselves is conceited, pain in the butt. These are bad people, they're difficult, right? We see that as conceit, we see that as a negative characteristic. We don't, if if I love somebody else, if I look at the people in my life and I love them, right? That makes me a wonderful person. And the instant I turn that love on myself, now I'm conceited.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, you're selfish.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, right? I'm self-centered, I'm I'm selfish, I am, I'm, I'm difficult, I am, you know, uh narcissist yourself. Yeah, we we quickly paint that on somebody, but that's the way we're that's the way we're programmed, right? We're programmed to take care of ourselves. Our our our mammalian brain, our our uh sympathetic nervous system are all wired. That the instant there's a perception of a threat, we go into self-protection. And we do all kinds of things, physical, mental, emotional, to to engage that protection. So, you know, to to remember that self-love is generally the issue. I I I would go so far as to say that there's no such thing as a person who's struggling with their life that doesn't have an issue with self-love. And that that self-love comes from an honest place where we've learned to interpret acts of self-love as either indulgence or conceit.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:So, so what'll happen then is you know, somebody will start the journey of losing weight and they'll have lost some weight and they'll feel good at themselves. And then the first thing they'll do is remind themselves, well, don't get all cocky. All right, you're just you're just at the beginning here. Who knows what's going to happen next, right? You might blow this. You've blown it in the past, you're gonna blow it again, right? All of a sudden, all these what are meant to be truly protective ideas. We're trying to protect ourselves from ourselves. So often the subconscious mind is programmed to protect ourselves from ourselves because change triggers fear. We talked about that now for days. Change triggers fear. What am I going to do? How am I going to handle it? And then it is, well, I don't know if I can handle that. Yes, there's going to be, I think for a lot of people, the idea of losing weight, for example, turns into I'm more attractive. And then that can trigger memories of being attractive to people that you didn't want them to be acting like you were attractive, people acting in ways that that made you uncomfortable, that made you feel afraid. You know, and believe it or not, that happens to men too. And and, you know, I've I've dealt with that with my clients. But there's also deep, deep self-acceptance stuff, you know, on multiple occasions working with people losing weight. We've had to go back to early, early times of self-acceptance, that I am a full-fledged human being that was created, I'm meant to be here. The free frame I often use is I am an essential part of the universe. The universe is incomplete without me, which is the truth, right? And no matter whether you want to call it some deity, or you want to call it the universe, or you want to call it nature and the process of life, the fact of the matter is the universe did create you, right? You have been created, you're here, and yeah, the universe is creating for a purpose, right? And you serve a purpose, being here, right? But we've been really, really trained to play small, and we become really good at playing small.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And we become really comfortable playing small. Now that doesn't mean you need to turn on the assertiveness jets. What it means is that assertiveness that when it's necessary comes naturally to somebody who loves themselves.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:You've got to appreciate yourself, who you are, that you've got a place here. You're meant to be here. What you're doing when it's done from a place of loving kindness, it's it's meant to happen. You're having an impact, whatever that's supposed to be. And you are meant to be who you really are. And when you look in the mirror and acknowledge that I'm not meant to look like this, I'm not meant to weigh this much, I'm not meant to be eating like this, you start to acknowledge who you really are. And that's where that commitment is going to come from. Because it's going to be a new understanding of who you are. So, in my experience, working with people who are trying to make those kinds of changes, right, that they think are going to make them healthier and better, you've really got to spend a lot of time acknowledging your innate value as part of creation. You know, the the technique I use in hypnosis, uh, it's really simple, and I'm using it on the school. If you've listened to the school reframes at all, you'll know I've used it there. And you imagine bringing home a puzzle of 10,000 pieces, and you put together all that effort and you get the puzzle right down, and there's one piece missing. And it doesn't matter if it's a piece out of the middle or if it's off to the sides, it doesn't matter if it has all kinds of colors on it or it just has one color on it. The point is that there's a piece missing, right? And I encourage my clients to see the universe as feeling the way you feel when that piece is missing. The universe feels that way when you don't step up and be yourself.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. That's beautiful. I like when I work with clients. I know we're sort of veering towards weight loss, but it is sort of this, I don't know, the most, I guess the biggest one we normally work with in terms of of this kind of stuff. But I think the the concepts that we're discussing here can be overlaid onto other things like success and like finances and stuff like that going out if you're uh have social anxiety, things like that. So I like to talk to my clients. It's about little wins. At this point, you've probably tried it over and over and over again. And the mind, the subconscious mind, is not trusting any longer. So getting those those little wins, I will never tell a client, oh, you're gonna you're gonna lose 10 pounds by next week. Right. Number one, it's not really feasible in a healthy way, right? Number two, the mind is going to immediately push back on it. And it's just gonna be a hard time moving forward. So getting those little wins in, whether it's a little win of like looking at your bank account or have feeling a little, let's say getting getting a few things on your list done that that is driving you to be in your mind successful. Those little tiny wins, instead of instead of placing this big number on you, say, sorry, number I went to weight loss, but like letting go of the scale numbers, right? Okay, so let's say you're 200 pounds and you want to be 150. Well, let's let go of the 150 because that puts a lot of pressure on in the beginning. And just think of it in little tiny wins, right? Moving backwards on on the scale. Being kind to your kinder to yourself as you're moving through this. I remember I had a client. I love this story. It's so kind of funny, but so so true what we do to ourselves. So sh she came in and she was like, I eat I eat a large pizza all to myself, and I want to stop doing that. Okay, great. So we worked on it. And then she came back. I don't know if it was a week later or two weeks later. Anyway, it doesn't matter. She came back and she's like, Oh, I'm still eating pizza. And I said, Well, how much pizza are you eating? Are you still eating the full pizza? And she said, No, but I had like three slices. She was beating herself up still for the pizza, right? So so seeing those as uh little wins, right? You've you've made these changes. Yes, it's working for you. Give yourself credit, right? It's so easy for us to beat ourselves up for not staying on this exact track that we that we want to stay on. And so that leads me into what we spoke about yesterday, guilt. Guilt when it comes to any, let's say addiction, fuels the addiction. So you wake up in the morning, you've got guilt from eating a whole pizza the night before. Whether or not you're thinking about the guilt or it's subconscious, you start your day feeling a little bit of that guilt. Shouldn't have done that. Beating yourself up if it gets that far, beating yourself up. And guilt, as we discussed yesterday, demands punishment. So what do we do that afternoon by midday or at night? We maybe eat a lot again, or we drink a lot again, or we go gambling again or something, right? And we we sort of set this punishment cycle into you know, go on starting, right? This cycle starting. So it sounds counterintuitive to a lot of people when they're first starting out, but the very first thing I start I start working on with people, even before limiting beliefs, is uh letting go of that guilt. Because if you wake up with the guilt, it's just going to fuel it. It's like that wagging finger, right? And now you deserve punishment or whatever you and what do we we don't receive punishment from outside of us for the most part, right? But we receive punishment from ourselves. And so it just started the cycle just continues and continues. So when we can wake up in the morning, let's say we had a giant pizza. I know I've done it before. We have a giant, we eat like a full pizza to ourselves. We can wake up the next morning and go, I'll make a different decision next time, right? That's not guilt, that is having the ability to make choice, having that that buffer zone between the wagging finger outside of us and and our own ability to make choice. So having that ability to make choice is is very important. And then we work on the limiting beliefs and stuff like that. So yeah, that's my swee.
SPEAKER_01:And I like it. I think for me, like I'm I'm always trying to think of the mind and how it comes about that we think being hard on ourselves is a good idea. And and I know I come back a lot to parents, but I also, you know, when I'm when I know that my clients are dealing with self-worth, one of the reframes I always bring forward is parents can be wrong, right? We don't like to think badly about our parents. We don't like to think of them as quite possibly being incompetent at raising children, right? Like because they might be, right? Um, it's hard to be more of a parent than you had. And if that's the case, we can be very forgiving of our parents. It's not about saying it's my parents' fault. I like to visualize it with my clients, imagine it as a chain that's been handed down from parent to child, to parent to child, to parent to child. And all of a sudden the child finds himself being a parent, right? This is not something that your parents got up and said, geez, how can I screw up your life?
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Right? It's that, you know, the parent got up and wanted to protect you, wanted to shape you into a very happy, successful person that they haven't been able to become, right? But they have nothing in their repertoire except what was shown to them. And so parents impose discipline, often in the form of criticism, often by pointing out failures rather than celebrating successes, which is very, very common, right? Look at this. You got nine out of ten on this test. What happened with this one?
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Right? Right? That's just really natural. Why? Because the parent loves you and wants you to be, wants you to get 100%. They want you to be very, very successful. And they were raised in a world of criticism. They were raised in a world of challenge. And they don't know anything else. So what happens is that in your own mind, you start to, again, curate, bring forward, keep at the front these memories of failure, the times you didn't do it. You don't enter into a new part of your life by thinking about the ways you haven't been able to do it in the past. To me, you start with the child. Remember, you know, this is stuff I've been working on now for years, but you know, how am I going to be the parent that I never had? How am I going to guide myself the way I wish my parents had guided me? Now that I have this insight, now that I've learned where this has come from, I'm not interested in blaming my parents. I'm interested in fixing the problem. Oftentimes that's what we do, right? We focus more on blame than the solution. Whose fault is this? Seems to be more important than what's the solution. But think of our political world today, right? This is just busy blaming and hating the other people because it's their fault we're all screwed up, instead of saying, well, what could we do different? How could we make this better? So there's just this real tendency to turn to blame and avoid solution. So to me, the solution, if you can acknowledge that you have been programmed to be afraid, to be afraid of your own failures, to be afraid of your own inadequacies, to be afraid of your own mistakes, to judge yourself based on those mistakes, to question your own ability to even cope with your successes. Right? Don't let that go to your head, right? There's that voice. Don't, you know, don't get a big head about that, right?
SPEAKER_00:You're not all that in a bag of chips.
SPEAKER_01:There you go. These are the things that we turn to because they're the things that we've been raised with. And that's when, you know, imagination, again, imagination is one of the most incredible tools that we think as adults we shouldn't use any. We think as adults that that's for kids. We want kids to have imagination, but we train it out of them and replace it with here's a list of things you should do and get on them. And if you're not successful, it's because you're not trying hard enough. And put in more effort, more effort, more effort without, you know, yeah, sometimes it, you know, pushing on a pull door is not going to get you anywhere. So, you know, more effort is just going to make it worse. The point that I'm trying to get at is that there's a shift that you can make in your own mind of treating yourself like a child that needs to be guided in the way that's going to get it where it is. And that that can start with, you know, celebrating the small successes. You know, think of if you if you wanted to make a child paralyzed, if you wanted to make them sit in a chair and never move, all you have to do is criticize everything they do, right? It's what children do. Children will just lock up. They'll just, if they get in trouble for every time they move, then yes, they will just sit and look at that iPad. They will just sit in front of the TV and do nothing. There's comfort there, there's peace there, there's no chance of being criticized there, right? Until there is. Now I'm getting criticized because I've sitting in front of TV too much, right? The point is that criticism leaves us with no alternatives, right? Whereas suggestion, kindness, loving encouragement, you know, imagine that you had a little one that you loved completely sitting beside you. Think of the way you would talk to them, knowing everything that you know about life and knowing everything that you know about how difficult things are, and learning all these things that you're learning about your own mind and why and how this has come about. How would I talk to that little one to actually keep them from having all these experiences that I had and keep them from having all these beliefs that I had, right? There was an experiment. I always like, you know, I'm constantly trying to learn. There was an experiment where they took a kindergarten class and the teacher stopped using praise and criticism and instead used observation. So think of it this way: the child gets a piece of paper and some crayons, and the teacher says, Oh, I like the way you stayed into the lines there, right? That is good and bad. The teacher said, That's lovely. The teacher says to Mary, that's beautiful, Mary, and says to Johnny, Johnny, you got to try harder, right? The teacher now does the, oh, I you really used a lot of blue there, instead of, is this good or bad, right or wrong, what we're trying to do. This is what the child just simply observed what the child did. And they conducted the classroom that way. And in a matter of a month, the children stopped turning to the teacher for approval and they just discussed their work among themselves. This is five-year-olds, right? Five-year-olds talking to each other the way the teacher was talking to them, not competing for the teacher's attention, not competing for the teacher's approval, but just engaged. And the level of activity went up. The children were much more interested in these activities. The children as a whole were really engaged in it. To me, you know, there's so much to learn from that. Like, that's huge to me. And what if you could do that with yourself, right? You've decided that you're gonna go to the gym, right? And that means you've got to get over a whole world of resistance to go to the gym. You've decided you're gonna lose weight and you're gonna change from eating a lot of bread to eating a lot of vegetables, right? You know, there's there's there's a lot of resistance to that. Bread just tastes better, right? Until it doesn't, right? And that's the thing of it. So you're gonna go through a lot of resistance. And this thing that I again, I'm gonna go back to something I learned recently, and I I'm practicing doing it. You know, the anterior cortical cingulate, whatever that was yesterday. I'm not really good at uh remembering that. There's a part of your brain that actually grows when you do things that are difficult. And as I was exploring this more, and we talked about this before, but I was exploring this more was a simple way you can practice building that part of your brain and that kind of mentality that flows with it, the kind of confidence that flows from it. I can do this, I can do this, this is good for me, is holding your breath. There's a study that shows people who practice holding their breath get better and better at holding their breath. They hold their breath longer, but it also builds this part of the brain that they rely on to do things that they have resistance to, right?
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:So I think if you practice, if you practice doing things that you're resistant to, and that became a new challenge, a new mindset. And you started to encourage yourself like you would a little child that you really care about and you want them to be able to avoid all of these life's problems. You're you're you've got a recipe there for, I think, for success. Anyway, you were looking at your phone, something's going on.
SPEAKER_00:Uh, I was just looking up the word that you were trying to say.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_00:Anterior cingulate cortex.
SPEAKER_01:There it is. C A C C. Thank you.
SPEAKER_00:We're not scientists over here. Let's just say we're going to be.
SPEAKER_01:No, but it's good to use science. Yeah. Any any window into the way my mind works is something that I love.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, that's why we get in our own way.
SPEAKER_01:So I'll finish off with this idea. As you're trying to learn how to do these things and stick with your decisions, and you've learned to celebrate the small things and practice small things and encourage it like a child. There's nothing more powerful in the history of humanity than forgiveness. And forgiveness is really simplified. Forgiveness is letting the love come first. Uh, when somebody does something and it hurts me or upsets me, I can let the offense come first. I can let what they did come first, or I can let my love for them come first. So it's it's about not that, you know, my wife did this thing to me. It becomes the person that I love did this. And it just changes the context, it changes the situation. Forgiving yourself is about freedom. I'm gonna let go of this so that I can move forward. I'm not gonna cling to this because it's just brain cycles I'm using to get in my way of moving forward. And so if I let the love for myself come first, and I decide I'd rather be free to try again than be focused on the mistake I made, um, you're really freeing yourself. You're letting the love come first. And that's really important, especially when you think about the little child, letting the love come first. If every time you wanted to correct your child, you started with something loving, you know. I think you're great. Why don't you try this?
unknown:Right?
SPEAKER_01:It's so completely different from you did that again? Come on, right? Which is unfortunately really natural for parents and the way that parent was probably raised, and the way their parents were probably raised, and the way their parents were probably raised. And that's forgivable too.
SPEAKER_00:Before we wrap up, I wanted to just give a little technique. We we spoke earlier about well, what is that limiting belief attached to and going back in time and wherever that sort of brings you, whether it's a cat call or something further back in time when you're young, and what do we do when we get there in our mind? Okay, well, I know where it's coming from, or I think I know something's there. If you were to reach out to the universe, let's say, or your higher self or your subconscious, and ask, what is the wisdom of this situation so I can just let it go and just allow wisdom to come through, right? Sometimes it's especially with parents, comes up a lot where they were doing their best with what they knew at the time. And like you just said, that's what they were taught. It's not that it's right, it's just what they were taught and they didn't know. And it's not about letting people away with what they did. It's just the magic is in the wisdom, applying the new meaning to the situation. And if you go back to something that you just think, how can there be any wisdom in this? Because it happens. I think the biggest things you can say to yourself is I survived, I made it, I'm okay, I'm here today to tell the tale, right? Those kind of those kinds of wisdoms. But try it out, you know, if you go back to something something in your mind that that second thought brings you back to, just see it as if the universe is talking to you and it's giving you like little bullet points, you know, of what wisdom there is. What is what did you learn from this? What what lessons are there in this? And just let that take place of the old meaning and see how that helps. Yeah. Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, let's let's do that. Let's thank you for the suggestions and the questions. Let's, you know, that helps us be more helpful. That's that's our goal, is to be helpful, to help people learn how their mind works and how they can use it to their own advantage and how our mind can really be the most powerful tool because it's where everything begins. You know, I'm I'm I'm there now. Everything's about the mind. It's it's all about mind. Uh, that's my that's my mantra. I go around saying that. At first, you know, when people are concerned with what's going on around them, they're resistant to that idea. And then they realize that everything going around them is being interpreted by them, and that's in their mind, and that there's not a lot of reality out there, only experience. Then they start to really see how their mind is where the game is being played and the place to focus. And understanding that, understanding that that's the first place to look, that it's patterns in there that can be changed, that it is totally and completely under your control if you want it to be. And that just changes everything. And so, yeah, my goal is to help people. People see that they have a mind, help them use their mind, help them understand their mind. And when you guys out there say, Here's what's going on in my mind, or here's the one of the things in my mind I struggle with, that is that is giving us the opportunity to be more helpful.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. Thanks for hanging out today, guys. Have a good day.
