Coffee With Hilary and Les from State of Mind Hypnosis and Training Centre

How To Let Go Of Guilt: From Self-Judgment To Self-Teaching

• Hilary & Les • Season 3 • Episode 34

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We explore guilt as an active habit rather than a fixed feeling, then show how to convert mistakes into experiments and repair into action. We contrast guilt with shame, unpack prosperity guilt, and end with a practical technique to let guilt go.

• criticism as attack versus teaching as “try this”
• guilt as active holding that requires rehearsal
• difference between guilt (behavior) and shame (identity)
• reframe to “I am not what I do; I am the doer”
• mistakes as experiments that guide the next attempt
• the Three A’s: admit, apologize, accommodate
• prosperity guilt, boundaries, and not imposing help
• judgment versus preference and how condemnation fuels shame
• guided “Stream” technique to release guilt from the body

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SPEAKER_01:

We are on the line.

SPEAKER_00:

In the cold.

SPEAKER_01:

In the dead of cold. Negative. Well, it says it feels like negative 21.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh boy, it's clear though.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, we got dumped on snow. I'm really glad I cleared the snow last night.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, you went out at like, I don't even know what time it was.

SPEAKER_00:

It was dark. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

It feels like oh, I thought it was like 10 p.m.

SPEAKER_00:

It was as dark as six.

SPEAKER_01:

Everybody hear us in the chat. Yes, that's I do. Rained last night. Most of our snow is gone and it's plus seven. Well, good for you.

SPEAKER_00:

Jealousy.

SPEAKER_01:

Jealousy.

SPEAKER_00:

We should talk about jealousy sometimes.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

That's interesting. That's a big topic, though.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, that one's full of all kinds of edges.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, and tons and tons of self-judgment. Right?

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

It's funny how your self-view can really become polluted by what's going on around you. How much we let, what other people do, what other people think, how much we let that in, how much we let that affect how we see ourselves. You know, it's it's it's good that we can let some of it go. Because could could you imagine how credibly heavy and polluted your life would be like if every criticism you ever received you held on to. Yeah, criticism. I got taught this by a psychiatrist. Yeah, criticism is absolutely useless. It it does absolutely nothing. Telling somebody that they did something wrong and that explaining to them how and what was wrong does nothing to change anything. And it's just an attack.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, it's almost like you're wanting to you're wanting to keep their self-punishment alive. Which sort of makes sense for our topic today.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, and just to finish that thought though, you know, I I I go back to the idea of being a good teacher, right? If we I really think that it's a bit of a theme of what we we work on with our clients, and to me, it's it's one of those reframes that really shifts a lot of the view of your life. We are all students and teachers, right? We're all students and teachers. If we're the way we behave teaches others, not always good things. And the way others behave is about our ability to teach. And the way others behave is constantly teaching us. And sometimes we're learning positive lessons, and sometimes we're learning negative lessons, learning things the hard way. But anyway, being a good teacher is not telling somebody what they did wrong. Being a good teacher is helping them learn something new. So if they're doing it wrong, it means they don't know it. So as I I spent so many years teaching, you know, I I was so pleased to have taken this lesson, which is a good teacher simply says, try this. A good teacher observes the error and suggests something better. Um, a good teacher doesn't dwell on the error. Criticism is worthless. It doesn't get anybody any closer to being better at whatever they're trying to do. So a good teacher simply is filled with, well, try this. That's why I love our coaches at the gym.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, they don't look up to you and say, you're doing it all wrong. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, they they do. They say, you know, you know, get get your bum back or um yeah, try to put your weight on your heels or that kind of thing.

SPEAKER_01:

Or put more weight on.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

To me. Yeah, come on, you can do more than that.

SPEAKER_01:

We know five pounds.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. So the topic was really guilt. Uh guilt as a as a mental activity. I think there's your first big refrain. Guilt isn't something that you hold. Well, what is it? Guilt doesn't passively stay inside you. You have to actively hold it there. Guilt is something you have to remember. You have to put energy into this.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Guilt is something that we cling to. It requires, you know, that that idea of closing your fingers around it or wrapping your arms around it.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. It's one of those emotions when I explain to clients, and uh you can add to this, or uh correct me if I'm wrong, but like guilt is not we're not born with it's not an emotion that is uh is we're born with. You know, we're we're born with anger and we're not come out of angry, but you know what I mean? Like our our base emotions, sadness, anger, happiness, joy, those ones that are quite natural to us. We we can work on them and they mean they mean things. Like we said the other day, messages, messages come with emotions. But guilt is sort of this outsider that we're not we don't come here naturally with. And it's like some person coming up, some random person coming up to you on the road and just wagging their finger, and then you accepting that, right? Holding on to that.

SPEAKER_00:

And it's and it's self-imposed because we hold on to it. You know, think of an extreme example where someone would, some some highly emotional, very fragile soul comes up to you and starts yelling at you, telling you it's your fault that they're not happy, and you don't even know this person. You you know you wouldn't let that in. You'd be looking at them saying, Whew, what's going on for them? Are they are they okay? Are they ill or something going on, right? But a subtle comment from someone we love that isn't even really, it really isn't even substantive. It can be tiny, it can be not even a direct message, can stick with us, you know. Oh don't don't worry about it, you don't care, right? Yeah, and all of a sudden you turn that on yourself, right? What do you mean I don't care? Of course I care, I love you, right? Yeah, and well, what am I doing wrong? What what should I how am I not living up? And we let that in really, really fast.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

But then we hang on to it, and that's the thing about guilt. It has to be rejuvenated constantly, it has to be brought back to memory constantly. We use situations, similar situations, to feel guilty about and then revive our guilt. Yeah. So what does guilt mean? Guilt as an emotion. What does guilt mean? Shaking your head, drinking your coffee up. Guilt. Guilt means I've done something.

SPEAKER_01:

I've done something wrong.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

I feel like I've done something. Sorry, I didn't have it in my head there for a moment and then it came to me.

SPEAKER_00:

Too focused on the coffee.

SPEAKER_01:

Half drinking.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I've done something wrong. I've been unfair. I heard somebody say, describe guilt, and I I liked it. I did not act consistent with my belief. I did not act consistent with my highest being, my highest self. But I think what what I want to point out as a primary turning point, primary reframe is that guilt requires that you hang on to it. You have to actively think about it. You have to decide that you've done something wrong and that you need to be punished.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. Yeah. And we punish ourselves in all kinds of ways. Oh God. Right?

SPEAKER_00:

That comes like second nature.

SPEAKER_01:

Even addictions are punishment.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's just second nature. As soon as we feel bad about ourselves, we deny ourselves. We we disconnect from ourselves. We refuse to enjoy what's enjoyable. We pull ourselves away actively from the the joy of life. Like yeah, the point I'm trying to make is guilt is not, it's not like, you know, sadness that you're going to figure out what you lost and you're going to move on. Or fear, where you're going to solve the problem and get rid of the fear.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

It's it is a self-imposed, active thing. You got to hang on to it. You got to think about it. And there's only some things we feel guilty about. I mean, so let's let's back that up and talk about mistake, right? I made a mistake. I make mistakes. This is the reframe I use. The reframe I use when I'm working with clients is I am not what I do. I am the doer. And that's really powerful because it changes the way we see ourselves and it opens the door to doing all kinds of different things. It breaks that definition of ourselves that we impose on ourselves. I mean, it's it's so common in our society, you know. Like the first question you ask somebody, you meet, well, what do you do? And like that's going to give you insight. And then we use that when we find out what people do, and we use that to put them on our hierarchy of life.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

And yeah, what we do is often very temporary, often in the moment. And we turn what we do into judgment by saying it's good or bad, right or wrong, better or worse. And then we turn it into guilt. I did something wrong.

SPEAKER_01:

I wonder where I mean, it can come from all kinds of places. For me, I know guilt comes from I think uh the very the first the first memory that I can think of is sort of just being, I mean, so simple. And what are what are parents to do really? You know, like you just can't, you can't, it's not perfect. This you can never be perfect. But for me, it's like being sent to my room. Right? You need to feel bad about what you did, right? You need to be removed, you need to remove yourself from everything and sit and think about think about what you did. And you know, you can't come out till I tell you so kind of thing. And I think, well, I don't know, is that normal? I I think that's normal for kids to go through that.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, I think it's normal for parents because parents want when you make a mistake for you to learn, and that's what they want. That's what they want in a loving way.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

And then there's also the personal selfish parts of it where your parents are mad, they're just angry. They don't want to have to deal with this, they don't want to have to keep correcting you. They don't want to worry that you don't understand the difference between what they've defined as right and wrong.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, yeah. So I brought that into my life as when I feel like I've done something wrong, I remove myself, right? I I shut down, I do it in ways that an adult would, you know, I don't go to my room, but it's it's all the other stuff. So yeah, it's just it's interesting how we pull it forward. And when I work with clients, it's not that we don't always go back to being sent to their rooms, right? There's other there's other issues going on. There's a good question in the in the chat. Is so is guilt shame?

SPEAKER_00:

Ah well, I I don't think that guilt and shame are the same. So guilt is about what you did, shame is about who you are. It's it's next level, it's trying to make that guilt part of who you are. That's a much harder thing to deal with.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. Right.

SPEAKER_00:

Like when clients come in and they're dealing with shame, they don't even want to talk about it.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Right. I've had a few clients in my chair who have gotten very emotional, very upset. And they've simply said to me, I don't want to talk about it. And that's all I needed to know that it was shame.

SPEAKER_01:

Right.

SPEAKER_00:

They were dealing with shame. They don't even they they don't want to talk about it because they feel so bad about themselves. Yeah. So step one is I'm not what I do. Right. Putting it into putting it into the context that you're here and you're trying to do all kinds of crazy things, like fit in, like what a crazy thing, right? I'm here to fit in. I gotta, I gotta confine myself and hold myself back. And I have to, I have to shape myself and change myself so that I can fit in. Like when we think about doing that to kids, that's what we do, right? Sit down, shut up, listen to the teacher. That's education, right? And then we take mistakes and we make them punishable, right? You made a mistake, that's not good. You got to learn this, you gotta know this, you gotta get better at this. The thing about it is I'm not what I do. And if I do something and it works out, well, then that means I knew I knew how to do that. And if I do something and it doesn't work out, it means I didn't know yet.

unknown:

Right.

SPEAKER_00:

And so when I make a mistake, if I could see that as an experiment gone wrong, if I could see my mistakes as attempts that didn't work out, then what I'd be focused on when I made my mistake would be to correct it, to figure out how to get what I want, to figure out how to do the thing that I'm trying to do. And if I don't take time for guilt, right, then I just get on with the next attempt. I just get on with it, right?

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

And then I just attempt and I attempt and I attempt and I attempt, and then bango, I did it. You know, again, I'll use the analogy of the gym. You know, we're trying to do double unders, right? Double unders is getting the skipping rope to go twice underneath you while you jump. So you're really whipping that skipping rope around. And I don't like double unders because somehow I always whip myself in the legs.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

And it hurts. And just a couple of days ago, we were doing double unders, and I'm trying to do double unders, which I'm I can't do, or I haven't been able to do. That's a better way of saying it. Anyway, and I did one, and the coach saw me, and he comes over and he goes, Way to go, you know, like when we're we're celebrating, I've done a double under.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_00:

As long as I don't use my failures of double unders as judgments of myself and my future abilities and my capabilities, they're just, you know, they're just attempts. If mistakes are just seen as attempts that didn't go, then we're led to try again.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, I think a lot of people end up saying to themselves, like, oh, stupid, like, what are you doing? Idiot, you know, all these like nasty things to themselves. Oh my god. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

So I'm not what I do, I am the doer. If I do it well, it's because I'm new. If I do it poorly, it's because I'm learning. There's nothing here to judge, right? And so guilt starts to fall away. Yeah. Because we're no longer judging our inabilities. We're just trying and trying again. And then when we're trying and trying again and we're not able to do it, or more importantly, we we do something and we look at it and say, that was wrong, that was that was hurtful, that was problematic, and we feel guilty, right? Then we we should act on that guilt. Like all emotions are messages, right? All emotions are messages, and they're telling you the state of affairs. Guilt says I've I've acted inconsistent with what I think is right, I've been unfair, I've made a mistake. If we don't, if we don't act to try to improve it, we're going to carry around guilt, and that guilt is going to become no longer of I did something wrong. It's going to become I am bad. And that that's where shame becomes paralyzing. So for me, it's start with I am not what I do, I am the doer. Move into this understanding that uh a mistake is just a reason to try again. But what I find really powerful with with my clients is teaching them the three A's. When we make a mistake and hurt somebody, we need to admit it. Right? We need to admit it. I've hurt you. I did this thing and I hurt you, and then apologize. And then honestly, from your heart, say I'm sorry and mean it. Look them in the eye. Be sorry, in as much as you you truly would have preferred not to have made that mistake. And then in some cases, you have to accommodate, you have to figure out how to make it better. Is there something I can do? Is there some way I can fix this? And when you do those three things, it's amazing how the guilt dissipates.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Because you're really treating it like an error, like a mistake, like a oh geez, and not treating it like a I'm a bad person, or worse, you deserved it.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Right. Which is becomes really painful. A painful way to deal with a mistake is to try to blame the other. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have done that. If it wasn't for the way you do this, I wouldn't behave this way. Right. It's it's really hard. I mean, we make mistakes and we judge them so hard. So I teach that one to clients, and it's amazing how much they like that. That was taught to me, of course. And that keeps it from moving into shame. And shame needs to be dealt with to me. Shame, shame needs to be dealt with between you and whatever you perceive source, creator. Because shame becomes I'm not good enough. Shame becomes I am flawed. Shame becomes I am bad. And we just carry that around. That becomes an attitude.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. In the chat, there's a question. What if you are feeling guilty for being better off than others or having more than others? This is a tough one.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, it's important to understand how you came to think that that was bad.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, that's right. Actually, yeah, you're right.

SPEAKER_00:

And you gotta break that down because my guess is that's one of those emotions that you're experiencing guilt, but it also has a whole lot of other components to it.

SPEAKER_01:

Can I jump in for a second?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, of course.

SPEAKER_01:

It would assume that there's judgment involved. So how do I explain that? So it would maybe assume that there is already judgment from the person who feels guilty about others that are doing well. Does that make sense? So, like oh man, my brain trying to like put it into words here. So when we yeah, when we're looking at people that are, let's say, well off, I think it's important to understand our own feelings about them. Do we think that they're bad people or they should feel guilty for having more? But I as you say, like I I think I think there's so many facets to it. There's so much behind that, right? There's so many other things that get involved.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, I think I think any kind of emotion implies a judgment, a judgment that this is good or bad, and that this needs to be dealt with. So my reaction to to I feel guilty because I'm doing well and others aren't doing well. If there's a guilt, sometimes there's a true guilt, there's a true mistake sitting there where sometimes, yeah, I've I've ex I've seen this, I've experienced this, where somebody's doing well and they did well at the expense of somebody else.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Right. So there's there's a mistake, right? And there's a mistake that needs to be dealt with, you know, admitted, apologized, and accommodated. But maybe that person doesn't feel guilt, and they wouldn't feel guilt because they might believe that that's the way the world works.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

They're they have a belief that says, you know, it's not my job to take care of others if they're so silly. You know, I did I did work with a when the Soviet Union fell, I did work with the people of the former Soviet Union, and they just openly told me that lying is not a moral question. Lying is survival in a fascist state, and lying is necessary. And if you're so silly as to believe my lie, that's your problem, not mine. And I found that really, really shocking at first, and then I started to just see it as culture. Sometimes people are led to believe that the best way for them to survive is to conduct themselves in ways that others might judge as bad. And because that's a great big world with all kinds of different places and all kinds of different cultures, we're going to find that a lot. So then it comes to well, what could I have possibly done wrong? What did I do wrong? If you've actually done something wrong to get in your place of comfort, well, then maybe, you know, there's something to be dealt with. But if you haven't done anything that is specifically wrong, then you must have a level of belief about your responsibility for others that is beyond what other people think, what the world thinks, what the world holds out as the correct standard or amount of responsibility you have for others.

SPEAKER_01:

And maybe sometimes, and this is going way on to one side in one direction, but sometimes what I've noticed with clients is they have this idea of, well, I need to take care of the world. Like it's it's beyond what's even feasible, right? I need to take care of everybody, I need to make sure everybody's okay, and it's not even something that's possible, but they're putting it on themselves.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Feeling guilty for having good things happen to you could also be interpreted as a form of shame. I'm not worthy. Let's flip that on its head and let's, you know, I I I like talking about the concept of umbuntu, which was, you know, subject of writings of Desmond Tutu from South Africa, and introducing African culture to North America. And and and the idea was I am because we are. That's the sort of rough translation of umbutu. I am because we are. And it leads to an idea that says, How can I be happy if we're not all happy? How can I be happy if if everybody isn't happy? Because it's a genuine desire that everyone be in that that pleasant state, that you're not in a pleasant state at the expense of another. And that is a genuine sort of loving idea, I think. And to have that as sadness, right? I see how well things are going for me and not going for others, and I feel for them, that can be, I think, a more direct emotion than I feel guilty.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Triggers, triggering in you ways that you think you have some responsibility that you didn't fulfill. So I'm going to go straight to the punchline. You're allowed to help people, but you're not allowed to impose your help on people. This is, yeah, this is this is my own lessons. You know, when you have thousands of students and they're coming into your office and they're they're always in a state, and you're trying to be helpful, and they won't let you be helpful. I don't want your advice less, right? You you start to learn that you first learn to keep back your advice until it's asked for. And then you start to learn the integrity of everyone, that they learn their lessons in their own time. They're allowed to make mistakes, they're allowed to prolong their unhappiness, they're allowed to continue to conduct themselves in ways that's counterproductive to themselves. You know, it's part of the reason why in hypnosis, you know, I'm really adamant when we teach hypnosis that your job is not to figure out what's wrong with your client. Your job is to help the client achieve what they want to achieve. That's that the whole process is driven by the client. The client has goals. You help them overcome whatever is stopping them from getting there. And that's and so to me, the the line that you draw is the line of choice. It's not for me to make choices for somebody else. It's for them to choose. It's for them to choose and see the results, see the outcome, make the mistake, make the adjustment if they desire. Maybe they want to make the mistake again before they make the adjustment. Maybe they want to try that one more time before they realize, yeah, that's the thing that's not working out. That's where I'm I'm making my mistake. And they're entitled to do that.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. It's all it's almost like, I don't know, I I have a tendency to go right to sort of spiritual points of view, but it's almost like we're taking their lessons away from them or we're trying to, or you know, um, they've come here to learn things and go through things just like we are. And if we're trying to control their lessons, it's not gonna work, first of all. And we're just gonna feel bad in the process, I think.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, it's not gonna work out well, but you will certainly learn boundaries and you will learn the idea of what is what is somebody else's autonomy and how to respect that. Because we're pretty clear about our own autonomy. We're really quick to put our hands up and say, no, no, no, back up, back off when somebody is sticking their nose too deep into our business.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

So what happens then is you have figured something out. Somehow you've done something, you've learned it, and it's gone well for you. And things are in conditions in your life are going really, really well. And then you wish that for others, and that's a beautiful thing. You want everyone to enjoy the kind of emotional, peaceful, happy place that you're in. And you look at others suffering because they can't seem to get there, and you say, geez, you know, I just feel so guilty because I've got this and they don't. Well, if you haven't done anything wrong, then it's about respecting that they're allowed to get there in their way. And if this happens in this lifetime, great. And if it takes a few lifetimes, well, that's what they've chosen. And that's the integrity of them. That's their their entitlement. Everybody has their own agenda, right? I don't like that word necessarily, but you know, everyone has their own path. Everyone's chosen to walk where they're walking, go where they're going, experience what they're experiencing. You know, and we learn that in hypnosis when we take people to the other side, when we do life between live lives hypnosis, right? We we see people reminded of their of their goals and their lessons and what they were here to experience and what they were here to try and learn from. And so it's, you know, when you're doing that kind of work, it's really easy, much easier, I think, to look at someone and say, you may be suffering, but you're entitled to your suffering because that's what you've chosen. The choices that you've made have led you there. And I'm gonna be here. And if I can help, I want to, but it's not my place to make choices for it. It's your your place to make choices. And I could be a good teacher and I can say, Well, why don't you try this?

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

But it's not my place to interfere with other people's choices.

SPEAKER_01:

You're talking about the guides, our guides.

SPEAKER_00:

Even our guides won't do that, right? You learn that.

SPEAKER_01:

Sorry, that's what I meant. Like, are you saying that that's the guide speaking to us? That's where my mind went. Who's saying that to us?

SPEAKER_00:

Try this?

SPEAKER_01:

Uh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, you can. If you're if you're if you're walking down the street and you're feeling guilty because life's really good for you and life is really crap for others, you know, there's a whole series of events, right? Causes, you know, the Dalai Lama says, you know, there are infinite causes and conditions for any outcome. And it's all part of an ongoing play of causes and effects. And each one was absolutely necessary to be in the place that you're in right now. And so for me to say, oh, well, we can fix your situation like this, is to think that I can understand all the causes and conditions that have led to this outcome. But what I can do as a teacher, as a helper, as a friend, you know, say, well, why don't you try this?

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

And then the choice is theirs. Is that is that making clear? And I do believe that, yeah, even, you know, you guys know that that part of what we do is help people find a connection with their guides, because we're finding our own connection with our guides. And the guides are clear, right? They can they can nudge you, they can encourage you, they can support you, they can love you, but you can't make choices for you.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Because that's why you're here to make choices. You you came here to evaluate conditions and engage your preferences and make choices from those preferences, often to find out, well, that was a mistake, to which you try again and you just keep trying, and then you accomplish what you're trying to accomplish. You can't know, I can't know in my clients what belief they have about themselves and life that's interfering with them accomplishing what they want to accomplish. The best I can do is guide them to find it.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

I don't know if that makes sense. No, I'm getting too abstract.

SPEAKER_01:

It does. No, I think I think it's good. I think honestly, I'm a true b believer that whatever comes out is meant to come out and be talked about. It was already planned. So yeah, it reminds me, just a quick note, I work a lot with near-death experiencers. So people that have died and then come back with a story. And I was watching, uh Les actually, you watched it too with me the other night. This experience or she coded and died, and during her experience, she went to sort of her pre-birth, as we call the pre-birth planning place, um, as humans call it at least. And like many, she saw this sort of rolled-out sort of blueprint of her life, and how there were many different she could sense and see and feel so many different paths that she could have taken through the life, which all led to the same thing, which all led to to the same place at the end, right? So we're the only ones that are judging us, you know. It's it's really just free will and uh being led, hopefully at some level intuitively and creatively and inspired through this life that at the at the end we're we're celebrated. And we might look around and go, how in the hell is that person going to be celebrated? And I know this is so hard to talk about, but uh so hard to accept. And I'm not telling people to accept it, but the idea that comes back from near-death experiencers and yeah, just in the spiritual community is that you know, if I decided to live this life as a soul, then that person decided to live that life as a soul. And that person decided to live their life as a soul, and we all have these missions. And whether we're on a mission to shake the planet, right, or lift the planet in vibration-wise, right? I believe that the people that we look out there and we see shaking the planet and we judge as maybe bad. I don't know. I I I see them as souls, right? They came from the same place as me, as souls that are here to shake the planet so that we make choice, right? And that choice is different for everybody, but it's sort of like they shake it and we say personally, no, don't accept that. And that moves the planet just vibrationally back and forth. There's always balance to be had, but I don't know if I'm explaining that very well, but I just try my hardest not to look out there and and think, oh, that person's going to hell. They've got a they've got a special place, you know. Yeah, it's it's hard. It's hard to think about, but true.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, you know, when you think about everything that we're talking about today, it comes back to the idea of judgment.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Self-judgment, judgment of others, guilt, you know, that self-judgment, I've done something wrong, shame, that judgment that says I am bad.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

These conditions and emotions that we might go through are the function of judgment. And judgment is the problem. And, you know, I I joke and I say, we're judgment machines. Everything, everything is good or bad. I like it, I don't like it. I want it, get rid of it. Right? We are we are judgment machines. And mostly we activate our judgment in condemnation, and that's bad, right? We don't take the time to judge something that's good, we just engage it, we just have a good time with it. Yeah, we just we just do more, right? When we think something is bad or someone is bad, or what somebody did is bad, that's a judgment. And that judgment, well, it's just not helpful. It doesn't get you anywhere. It creates something for you to resist, it creates something for you to fight with. You're allowed to have your preferences. And the example I always use is just, you know, and I've used it already this week, you know, just you know, you like ice cream. I like it when it's chocolate with some brownies in it, some caramel stuff in it. Like, I like that. I really notice I really like that a lot. But you know, that that tiger tail stuff, like, no, no, I don't understand that. I it's not my preference. Now, if I take the unnecessary next step, I say chocolate is good and tiger tail is bad, right? That's judgment. I don't need to go there. It serves no purpose to go there, right? It serves my purpose to say, I want more of that and I want less of that. That serves my purpose. That helps me move along in my direction and what I want based on my preferences. But to label something as bad, to label someone as bad, you know, to look at some and say, well, that's not what I would do if I was in their position. You know, I think that's a much more useful way to look at a politician than to say they're bad. I don't think that's useful. I don't think it's useful to say this particular politician is evil, because they're not. It's not possible, right? They might have some really mixed-up views, they might have some really strange preferences, they might have a lot of stuff going on inside them that you don't even understand, right? That's so foreign and bizarre to you that they would think and do things like that. But that's based on your limited knowledge, and taking that unnecessary next step of judgment just creates in you a whole bunch of negative emotions, right? The thing about the thing about hatred is that it really mostly affects you.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, because they don't know.

SPEAKER_00:

They don't know, they don't care. Yeah, in fact, some of them like it, some of them like the idea that you hate them, right? Because they hate you. So that's that's just not helpful. It's not getting you anywhere personally, but just like guilt. Guilt is not getting you anywhere personally, it's about accepting that, you know, I am I am perceiving my mistake harshly, and I can do something different this time. I can adjust, I can try something different. And the best thing I can do is just get on with my next attempt rather than. Take the time to actively judge myself and impose upon myself guilt and punishment.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

It's just not helpful. It doesn't get us anywhere.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. Before we wrap up here, uh, I think it's always nice to, if there's time, to end with a little technique. If the the technique that I use, at least with clients, is is the stream. And if if you've listened to our podcast before, you probably know the stream, but just to go over it in a simple sense, just notice where guilt is in the body. Imagine, sense, or know that you're in this beautiful little stream. And just watch guilt as a color come out of the feet and toes into the water. And just watch the water turn, whatever color it turns. And you're not pushing here. You're not, you're not like, okay, I alright, I'm done with guilt. All you're doing is you're giving it over to the subconscious mind and waiting for the water to turn crystal clear. You just wait. That's all that's your only job. And then when it goes crystal clear, you're just taking a nice deep breath and release and see if you can find the guilt. You may find that it's either not there or maybe there's a little speck of it left, and just do the same thing over again until you find that it's gone. So yeah. Any questions? Nope.

SPEAKER_00:

I hope that helps.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. Thank you, they say. Thank you for being here. We we love having people join in and you're anonymous in the chat. I'm saying this mainly for people listening on the main podcast website or in our school. Is whenever I mention things from the chat that are said, I never mention names. So you're staying anonymous for the most part. Have a wonderfully snowy day. Have a beautiful plus seven day. Enjoy that. All right. We'll see you later.

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Hilary Leehane

Host
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Les Smith

Host