Coffee With Hilary and Les from State of Mind Hypnosis and Training Centre
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Coffee With Hilary and Les from State of Mind Hypnosis and Training Centre
Money With Brian Rump - Part Three: Rewriting Childhood Money Beliefs
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Reflect on your childhood money memories: do they still influence your financial decisions today? This episode invites you to explore how early messages about money, like the classic "don't spend it all in one place," shape our perceptions of worthiness and responsibility. Through personal stories, we uncover the guilt and confusion that often accompany our spending habits and highlight the complex interplay between gratitude and guilt when receiving gifts. The goal is to help you uncover the roots of your financial behaviors and foster a more empowered mindset towards money.
Ever feel like you're trapped in a cycle of financial distrust and limitation? We share insights on rewriting your personal money narrative by reframing subconscious beliefs about financial trust and well-being. Through innovative approaches like hypnosis and storytelling, we guide you in rediscovering the value of money and appreciating the hard work involved in earning it. Understanding that past judgments or experiences don't define your current financial capabilities is crucial, and we discuss how you can break free from these limiting beliefs to cultivate a healthier relationship with money.
Balancing the act of setting financial goals while savoring life's moments can be tricky, but it's possible. Inspired by Tiffany Aliche, "The Budgetista," we discuss how personal choice and self-discovery are key in navigating financial decision-making. From redefining business models to examining the nuances between wants and needs, we emphasize the importance of intentional reflection on what truly brings happiness. By aligning desires with responsibilities, you can embark on a journey of self-exploration, finding joy and fulfillment along the way.
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Welcome. Thank you for joining us for Coffee with Hillary and Les, brought to you by the State of Mind Hypnosis and Training Center located in the heart of the.
Speaker 2:Kawartha Lakes. This is our almost daily community podcast about the mind and how we all might change it in the most simple and helpful ways. Every day we sit staring at the lake and sipping our coffee, chatting about hypnosis and how to make those meaningful adjustments to our state of mind, because nothing's more important to our state of mind, because nothing's more important than your state of mind.
Speaker 1:We're back on the line again.
Speaker 2:Wine with Hilary Les and Brian Wine and soon steak and vegetables. The sun is going down, we're gonna turn the clocks back and then we'll get more sun in the morning and less sun at night. No, remember that feeling. It happens every november. That feeling, yeah, turn the clocks back and then, it's like what happened to the day?
Speaker 1:it's five o'clock and it's pitch black yeah um, so we're here with brian talking about money and, yeah, in this part we're we're sort of gonna um, talk about limiting beliefs and reframes and talk about limiting beliefs and reframes and all kinds of things to do with money and our past and future. Um, that's tyke dropping her bone, um. But I thought I'd start off with with something that came to me at the end of the last one, which came to mind because of shame, but I think it has to do with limiting beliefs now in life, not at the time, but I think we can all, maybe some of us, most of us all, maybe some of us, most of us, um, resonate with this.
Speaker 1:So if you imagine your grandma handing you five dollars and saying don't spend it all in one place, do you remember? Does anyone remember that?
Speaker 3:no, yeah, it's a common thing you've talked about this one all in one place, do you remember? Does anyone remember that? No, yeah, it's a common thing.
Speaker 1:Yeah you've talked about this one. You know, don't spend it all in one place. But then there was a second part to it that I don't think I've talked about before. It is you go and you have $5. It's not $100., it's $5. So you're going to buy all candy, you're going to spend it all in one place, and then you get shamed for it, right? And then the parent or whoever says why didn't you save some? Or why did you spend it all?
Speaker 3:You could have some for later, all the things, and, uh, and, and then, moving forward in life, feeling like you have no control over money I love that you opened with this and it got me a reaction, because I have some similar things I've unpacked for myself as it relates to, I think, money, but also like food choices, as somebody who's like, well, you shouldn't eat, you shouldn't eat, you shouldn't. You know you shouldn't eat french fries. And then it's like well, why are you eating your french fries? And it's like or. Or it's like, oh, I don't eat french fries anymore.
Speaker 3:It's like well, why not? Like you know. It's like well, I thought you told me not to eat them, right? And so we have these loops of like you know what's supposed to be a reward to the child? Of like, oh, here's some money. To like, go enjoy. And then it's like, oh well, why did you do that? And now it's like shame. So you get in this, um, you know, spiral of like I can't make good decisions, I'm not responsible, I don't know what to do. Uh, it takes away the joy of eating the candy.
Speaker 3:Um, and then the result is you just avoid thinking about money and like, avoid, you know, trying not to get into that and unpack it because it's, it's scary yeah, so I was thinking about all the limiting beliefs that can come up from that right and I think we get these like early money memories about that and I don't know, can't remember if I shared it on the first episode or I don't remember these things, but one of my early memories of money is um, crying in the back seat of the car because my parents bought me a bike and the bike was cost money and the fact that I was using a resource and money was like overwhelming to me and I just remember just being so upset to the point that I think I have a thing about not wanting to ride a bike nowadays because of that, but also that idea of worthiness, of being able to consume resources and have things, and it takes away that moment of a kid of like you know people have all these stories about their first bike and how happy they are and for me it was like crying because it costs money and you know kids are expensive or you know it wasn't a joyous, joyous thing.
Speaker 3:So like we start receiving these suggestions early and everyone has their own mix that shows up later.
Speaker 2:Yeah there's a really interesting connection there between gratitude and guilt. Think that, yeah, like which wanna experience, I think, is the joy of aspiring and attaining, and then the gratitude to attain, right, isn't this great? You know it's, it's. It's been a task to save and accumulate money and to get the thing that I want. And now I'm gonna get the thing that I want, and now I'm going to get the thing that I want, and it's not just the thing but the accomplishment of having attained it. And then, when others are involved, it can become that that it jumps from gratitude to guilt. And that's really just the question of worthiness, right? That internal awareness of your own worthiness, your own entitlement for lack of a better word right.
Speaker 3:A deservingness.
Speaker 2:Who doesn't deserve to have a bike right? I have a very similar story with a guitar and my grandfather and um I was. I had gone to the. I was just excited, like I. I came home and my grandparents were living with us at the time. I was just excited as hell because I had taken a guitar that I didn't play and I traded it in and I gave the guy a bunch of cash and the guy was going to hold this beautiful 12 string guitar for me and he said, oh, that's lots, that's great. You know, you can come in.
Speaker 2:And I knew I was getting paycheck next week and I was going to have almost enough money then and I was saying, oh, I'll have this guitar by the end of the month. Like're just going to hold it for me and I've got it. And I came home and my grandfather said well, what do you owe on it? In hindsight it seems like a trivial amount of money, but it was. You know, my part-time job might have got me $60 in a paycheck and so it was going to take a couple of paychecks. It was $100, $120 or something.
Speaker 2:And he just disappeared into the bedroom, came out with the money, said, just go get it now. And I froze Like I didn't know what to do and my mom told me just take the money and go get the guitar. And your grandfather would be really excited to see it. And so I went and I caught it and I brought it back and I started playing it and I was like overwhelmed with kind of gratitude and I kept saying thank you.
Speaker 2:And it brought me to tears, right, because I was just so grateful and my grandfather got mad at me and he said stop it, stop saying thank you, you got it, that's good, right.
Speaker 2:It was just bizarre, right, right, because he couldn't deal with my gratitude, with how much joy it brought me and how it was just something I would never would have expected so it's a very similar story, that something wonderful, yeah, quickly, sort of spin in a weird direction because that that idea of gratitude and aspiration bumps into worthiness, yeah, and worthiness of accepting that and that.
Speaker 3:So I didn't know. We were going to talk about gifting, which is a whole subsect of trauma, of money oh, it's something I've worked on. Is you know how to gift? And actually one of the things I learned in trauma of money was asking for consent to gift, sometimes depending what it is, because, like I have my own layers of like accepting gifts because of the same thing and worthy of it.
Speaker 3:And then when you're over grateful, you know it almost puts something. It takes away from the joy of that other person for giving you the gift. And the other thing about this, I think, is it's a great example of like the conduit of intergenerational, like you know money beliefs and money scripts. You know money beliefs and money scripts because you know you send a kid to the candy store with five dollars and then you say, well, why didn't you save more? Well, the kid's not capable of knowing they should do that and you've just ripped some of that joy from them and you've implanted these suggestions that they don't understand. And now you're confused and figuring it out and you wonder what that means for you. And I see this now.
Speaker 3:I don't have children but with everything I've learned and watching children, like gratitude can be learned.
Speaker 3:So I see it, I was raised on it.
Speaker 3:But it's like you know you give the four-year-old money to buy candy, they buy candy and then you're mad they're not grateful enough to you.
Speaker 3:It's like, well, they don't know. You know the value of a dollar and it's like a kid shouldn't need to understand everything that went into earning that money to give it and that you know when grandma was young she, you know, didn't get candy. And candy should be a real treat and you should really appreciate it, because you don't understand all of this. You should just be allowed to have the joy of enjoying it. And when you're, you know 15, you can do a project on candy at school and how you know 100 years ago people didn't have candy and then how hard it is to earn the money and then maybe you know, you can learn the gratitude of maybe understanding what that gift was, versus being kind of shamed for not understanding it when you're that kid yeah this reminds me of something else you said to us once about it that came out of your trauma money course, which is I can be trusted with money talk about that.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's a good um, yeah, fit into some of our reframes and to me, like I can be trusted with money is, you know, for those listening, like, take a few moments to pause and like what comes up when I say that like I can be trusted with money and there can be a physical reaction to that, there can be a bunch of stories that pop up. Um, it's one of those ones that, yeah, everyone I talk to about it has something or a breakthrough of like oh, maybe that's why I don't look at my credit card statement, or maybe that's why I don't save because I can't. You know, I don't feel I could trust myself with that money, or I'm not worthy of having it because I can't be trusted with it. Yeah, that's one of the biggest kind of fundamental reframes and it's funny with trauma of money.
Speaker 3:It's kind of hidden in plain sight on a lot of their title slides and things throughout, and they never, they didn't draw attention to it until near the end and it's like oh, and, by the way, you've been looking at this for, like you know, many weeks now as you've gone through the program, but it is one of those, you know, kind of fundamental reframes that help us rewrite our money story. So I love you know the idea of rewriting your money story to me is how I'm combining hypnosis with trauma of money and you know, some story brand marketing that I do is that is that we're hardwired for story and accepting stories and we have an opportunity to rewrite that story, and I think there's certain scripts that apply to almost everyone, which is kind of how we're set up and understanding you can be trusted with money is one of those ones that I think applies to probably anyone yeah, it's like just because when you were five, someone said why did you spend it all in?
Speaker 1:one place yeah, it doesn't mean that you're untrustworthy with it.
Speaker 3:I had someone else who said you know, we won't say who, but it's like you send multiple kids to the store with money. It's like, well, give it to this person, you know because, and you carry the money because- you know so and so can't be trusted with it.
Speaker 3:And you see that in sibling dynamics, all the time it's like oh well, you're trusted, you know you're the one who's good with money. And well, you're not. And it could, like you, come back to like a decision you made when you were a child and incapable of knowing what your choice set was, and everyone's like oh you, you know, you bought candy with your money, so you can't be trusted. But right, you know, the sibling we gave the money to, who didn't like candy, decided not to buy candy with it because they wanted to save it to buy chips later.
Speaker 2:But we it was interpreted as you know well, you're more responsible yeah yeah, it's a funny thing, you know, when you're very young you have lots of experience with money with absolutely no idea what it is.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's there the whole time.
Speaker 2:It's always there and you hear your parents talk about it. Some kids grow up listening to their parents argue about it. Some kids you know they have parents with different views about money, with different controls around money. They have so many messages that they can't understand, because they don't understand value, they don't understand the marketplace.
Speaker 2:Today so many decisions we make as adults are based in value right when we buy, we don't buy things, we buy benefits and value. So what we're buying is we're not buying soap, we're buying clean clothes, but we buy it at the right price. I don't have to buy that $15 jug of laundry soap. I can buy this $8 one and I get almost as good quality and I get better value. And that's a really advanced way of thinking about money and about spending. Kids are incapable of understanding that.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's not possible. And then people will laugh at are incapable of understanding that. Yeah, it's not possible. And then people will laugh at kids for not understanding it, or they'll want to pressure to teach them about it too early. Yeah, that's another thing that bugs me sometimes.
Speaker 1:I wonder what happened to me when I was sent to the store to buy cigarettes for my mom.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Did you smoke them? No, I was like six or something you know like.
Speaker 1:Here's a note, Give to the person at the store. They'll give you what I want. Here's a dollar for something else. Is there a bit extra for candy?
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's like I also got a couple Swedish berries.
Speaker 1:So cigarettes and Swedish berries.
Speaker 3:We have those bananas.
Speaker 2:My mother would always say, because she would send us to buy her cigarettes and she'd send us with the money and we'd immediately the first question out of motherless can I keep the change?
Speaker 1:can I keep the change?
Speaker 2:right? Yeah, because then you're doing the math in your head, trying to figure out what you can buy, right yeah, swedish berries or the. For us it was the uh, the bottle of pop, for some reason. Bottle of little seemed no, the oh, the little half bottles they seem to be the most appealing thing, because first you get the pop, then you take the bottle back and then you get to spend the deposit on the bottle, like yeah, these things you associate with right.
Speaker 3:it's like, well, I go to the store and I buy this and you know, then I, you know, take the deposit back and I buy candy, right, you start learning these things without understanding all of the context for it, and this is where we start building those like these scripts. We have around money and our own worth, and, as that relates to money, yeah Cool.
Speaker 1:we have around money and our own worth and, as that relates to money, yeah cool. And then we get older and we have limiting beliefs that we think are ours but they're not really in the end yeah, it's learned from someone and yeah, we can start reframing those or releasing them.
Speaker 3:And you know some of my favorite reframes, you know. One is you know money wants to be helpful is one of our in. You know, in the grand scheme of the world and the ideas like money wants to help and money wants to heal. So you know, if we reframe for money equals greed or keeping it's money wants to heal and kind of along with that is money also wants to flow, like I think it's.
Speaker 3:It's meant to be a currency and move and um you know, this is one that I had written down before, but when we were talking in the last episode about kind of responsibility and you know that kind of back and forth of self-collective self-collective, like that's a flow and we always have to be in a flow of like work and contribute. You know, like rest, like you know there's a season for everything. So you know money itself also wants to flow and you know people who, if we just want to save it all and have a big stack of cash, it's not really helpful either, and usually the people who are kind of hoarding and hoarding and hoarding. You know, if we dig into their money scripts, they've got some too and they're usually not happy Even on this.
Speaker 3:There's a book I read called Happy Go Money. I forget who was cited in it, but essentially almost everyone thinks they will be happy if they have the amount of money that's three times of whatever they have now. So if you've got a million dollars, you think well, three times. You know I'll feel better and I'll be happier when I have three million People. With three million for them it's nine million and we just always kind of adapted. Think up to that and for me it's just been a good reminder to try to not get caught up in that, but know that you know it's meant to. It's meant to flow and there's. You know people in the course and I've heard before like sometimes the best way to get money to flow into you is to flow some out.
Speaker 1:So yeah, you have to spend like a millionaire.
Speaker 3:No, yeah maybe not like a millionaire, but it's also a good reminder. You know, we work in collaboration and in community. So when I, you know, when I'm feeling like, well, maybe I, you know, it's like, do I really want to buy a coffee today? But it's like, but I go to the coffee shop and I buy the coffee and then maybe I run into someone who becomes a client you know there's some flow there or I sit there and chat and I have a really good idea that then, like, we're meant to flow and be in community and you know money is part of that to flow and be in community. And you know money is part of that.
Speaker 1:So you know, kind of hoarding it and withdrawing and being super vigilant isn't helpful, I think it's important too to maybe know what you actually want, because I'm sitting multiple um, but I I have a uh and I a thinking process. That or limiting belief. I guess that even if I have a million I, I should probably have more right.
Speaker 1:Because what if that million disappears? Or you know, like, maybe that million won't, it'll be spent on things that then I'll have. But I'm not sitting here think well, you know, you need, you need enough for, like, a yacht. Well, I don't actually want a yacht. So what am I thinking? It's, it's the other things that people say you should have a fear, a bazillionaire, you know. So what do I actually want in life? I think is a big question then.
Speaker 2:I think it's really normal to be confused about that. I think it's really well. It's certainly really typical that people are confused about what money is, what money means, what money they want, what money they need, like they're really confused about all these kinds of thresholds. I think, and I think that that just really comes from all the junk that we absorb, all these these sound bites that we've absorbed our whole lives.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you don't want this. You should want that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm sitting here, you guys are talking and all these old sayings are coming back into my head that my mother or my grandmother would say you know, like my mother used whenever you know somebody would be giving my mother a hard time about spending money and not saving it, and she'd say it's made round to go around and that was her saying it's made round to go around, in the spirit of talking about having it flow and having it move, and that's how she would justify spending when maybe she shouldn't.
Speaker 2:And then my mother, my grandmother, was known for, you know, giving money to people on the street Right, and her line when anybody would call her on it what are you doing? He's just going to spend that money on booze or whatever. And she'd say, well, it's gone to heaven, to hell with it. And that was her line it's gone to heaven, to hell with it. I've done my beautiful thing that I felt compelled to do, and I don't want to think about it anymore. And these are just things that are coming into my mind way back when, just things I heard, not said to me really directly. And then all that junk builds up inside us, all these programs, and it's all conflict. Right, because that's the conflict.
Speaker 2:You know getting having spending right. We want to get it, we want to go after it. What do you got to do to go after? You should be doing everything you can. You should be working as many hours as you can do. A guy and he was determined to be a millionaire and he would work every minute. You would let him to make money. He just said I have time turn it into money. And that was the way he thought. Right. So the whole process of getting money and then having it like how does it make you feel, like that old saying it's burning a hole in your pocket, right? That was one that used to just get me all the time, because that's what they'd say to me. Because, yeah, I was like that Look at this, I got $100.
Speaker 1:Let's go do something right, like what's the point of having?
Speaker 2:$100 if we're not going to go do something crazy. I got my very first paycheck from my very first job and I went straight to Dairy Queen. I'm going to have a banana split. Damn it, I've never been able to have one. I'm having one now, right. And then there's that whole process of you know having it and then feeling comfortable spending it. Right, like what do you spend it on? Like I've had that dilemma where you've had enough that you, you do that process. You're saying your head, there's a lot of stuff I could buy with this, there's a lot of choices I could make with this, and being compelled to go spend it, but at the same time feeling like you know the world has opened up all of a sudden, choices have opened up anyway. Just, you guys are talking and all this stuff that just pounded me it's actually making me think of.
Speaker 1:So I have this, this savings account that you know. A little bit of money every friday goes into right and I'm like racking my brain what am I saving for? What am I saving for? But maybe I don't need to think about that, because when I think about when I have something concrete that I'm saving for, then it's like, oh well, it's all gonna be gone and drained once I you know it's gonna be down to zero I already go to the scarcity already and it's not even there right.
Speaker 1:So it's almost like just save up, don't think about it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's funny where you think you have to have it like or have a thing to spend it on, and I think this kind of relates because, on one hand, I think it's maybe a natural inclination to have it flow, which is part of the community. I think there's also a part where it's okay to have goals for yourself, or maybe you just want to save so you create yourself some future choices.
Speaker 3:It doesn't have to be for a physical thing or a specific purpose and one of the tricks, if you do want a physical purpose, is people have accounts and I forget what they call them, but you know they might have a travel account and it's like whatever's in that travel account is what I could spend on travel and if I drain it, well then I can't travel for a little while and if it's really high, then they.
Speaker 3:You know. Now I have some choices. Do I do one big trip? Do I do multiple small trips, like there's some things we do, but you know we do need to know what we want and I want to talk about that in a moment, but first, last last week I was in nashville and tiffany alish spoke and her she goes under the budget nista and she has a money educator in the us from atlanta and a lot of similar values to kind of how I would teach and talk about money, and the one thing that happened to her was, unfortunately, her, her husband passed away young, very unexpectedly. It was like tuesday he went to the doctor and like by friday he was gone and she had this business and she didn't know what to do and you know, her thing was she just like left for a while at the team run it and for part of her journey was she went to fiji.
Speaker 3:She said what the fijians taught her was said they people there never take more than what they need. And since she hired someone who was cleaning her laundry and it was seven dollars a week and she tried to give them ten and the person would say, but it costs seven, I only want seven because that's what I need, and if I need eight, then eight dollars will be what it cost. If it's ten, that will be that. And how kind of the life and the culture there was like, you know, people were working and trust, you know, living the pretty good life there for them, but they only took what they needed, to be happy, and so that was just a massive lesson for her to like. You know, stop trying to get ahead and hoard, you know, just hoard money.
Speaker 3:And what I really respected is, you know, she very openly shared some of the metrics in her business and you know, right now makes around four million a year revenue and a few years ago it was 10 million and some people would lose themselves thinking it has to be more and more and more and more and more. But for her, you know, still does very well but is able to like structure the business more around what she wants and the mission that she's on without having to, like you know, climb and hunt for more and more and more and that kind of forces her into which is, you know, the second phase in trauma of money is, you know, visioning your future and reimagining that future. And you know that includes things like what do I want? So the spice girls question what tell me what you want, what you really really want? How do you want to like live day to day? Um, what gives you pleasure?
Speaker 2:is it?
Speaker 3:um, you know, is it like a hedonist lifestyle of, hey, I want to consume and I want to travel and I want to eat at fancy restaurants. Is it a? You know, the opposite of hedonic is eudaimonic, which is I like living the good life. You know, I like sitting on the lawn in the park drinking tea in the afternoon, like that costs something different than traveling the world and eating at five-star restaurants. But you get to choose what your pleasure is and you know, choose what you want. And another part of this is, you know, reimagining even capitalism, like how do I make money If I own a business? What is that structure? We could probably do a whole other podcast on that because everyone accepts some of the same things.
Speaker 3:Or they go to business college and they hear about some model and they think that's really cool and then they want to copy it for set up a business and think they're going to get some extra points for doing it that way. But really we get to decide ourselves what we want and what our capacity is and what our model is. Um, but yeah, that like, what do you want?
Speaker 1:yeah, and we shouldn't feel bad for maybe uh wanting either the sitting on the hill or the fancy restaurants, you know, I think that's a big part of it too. People feel bad, like well, what's?
Speaker 2:but what I think sometimes is a problem is we want something and we go get it and we find that it wasn't what we all hoped would be. It didn't give us the experience we hoped it would be, and we feel guilty or lost or confused instead of saying, well, I wanted to try that and that's the way it turned out, so that's the way it is. How does that teach me more about what matters to me? How does that teach me more of what I want later? There's nothing wrong with wanting something temporarily and then changing your mind about it you know, you're discovering your own choices.
Speaker 3:Like, yeah, do I want this? I don't know, let me try it. Oh, nope, don't want that. Like we're not good at this, we're not good at knowing what we want, we're not good at at choosing the exact right thing and that's okay, like that's.
Speaker 2:That's how you become good at it.
Speaker 3:Humans are terrible at making choices and we get better the more we do it. We flex our muscle to have a choice and you know, understanding that is a part of that, that journey for ourselves and not shaming ourselves. For you know, spending money on something that maybe you didn't like, but you wouldn't have known you didn't like it unless you spent money on it. My one of my other favorite reframes that is really helpful, helpful and I've adjusted a little bit with some help self-hypnosis techniques is, um, you know, I forgive myself for the things I did to survive.
Speaker 3:So when we think about money mistakes, often there could be some trauma attached or there could be, you know, a soothing which you're doing to because our mind thinks we're in danger, so we're trying to survive. So, or social pressure, right, I went on, I went to the fancy restaurant and I ordered the thing I couldn't afford and now I'm guilting myself, but you were trying to survive. In that connection, then, stewing about these things in the past are not going to help us on our vision to the future. So we need to rewrite those scripts and we can release it with.
Speaker 1:You know, I forgive myself for the things I did to survive, or just I am forgiven for the choices I made to survive yeah, and that crosses all kinds of borders too, because even when we do parts work, um, the part came up in a, usually a, something where they thought as a child that they had to survive whether it was actually life-threatening or really not um it's all protection definitely is, and I bet, whatever that was, there was also some money around well, a lot of the choices we make are choices between right.
Speaker 2:It's unfortunate that that's the way it gets presented to us and it's unfortunate that often our society structures things that way.
Speaker 2:But a lot of the choices you know that phrase a choice between two evils a lot of the choices we make are well, I could do this or I could do that. We don't see a lot of variations, we don't see gradation between the two choices, we don't see choices outside those two choices. And then we make a choice and it doesn't feel great, but we didn't know what else to choose. And again, coming back to Hillary's, you know it's a muscle that we have to flex. We have to learn how to make choices and to do that we have to learn who we are and to do that we have to reject all the ideas that have been programmed into us that tell us we're something that we're not, or that we're someone we don't want to be, or someone that doesn't fit us. Right, it's it there's a lot of. In a world that's shaping you constantly, it takes a lot of effort to keep yourself fresh so you can make choices.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think, if you are to do a check-in with yourself, if you're in fear when you make a choice, chances are there's more choices to be had but you can't see them when you're in fear there's either one or two, and that's. That's all you can see, you're like this but yeah, yeah, just checking in with yourself and taking a deep breath and maybe there's other choices there even learning.
Speaker 3:That I know and I love. Behavioral economics is another thing I nerd out on and how we make certain choices and humans make terrible choices when we're aroused and that's fear, any sort of emotional arousal. We, our ability to make choices is limited, so you know it comes back to. You know, trauma of money. Phase one is like mind, body, money, kind of window of resilience. You know, like calm yourself down, start unpacking these you know, beliefs and things you have.
Speaker 3:And then this, you know, the second part is the vision and reimagination and like so, in moments of that fear, whatever, like I know I I'm working on it all the time it's like okay, calm yourself down, don't, maybe you don't have to make a choice. You know, sometimes we even think we have to and maybe, like, not making a choice is the best choice for that moment. You know to, you know to really go through some of these things and that can drive others crazy.
Speaker 2:I know that from experience. When you, when you decide you're not going to make a choice, I don't need to make this now. I'm going to wait and see. Let's see.
Speaker 3:As we get closer to when I have to make a choice, others want to get something into them too, because they're, you know, if it's a purchase, their scarcity goes into like, oh, I need to. And you know I work in business and sales and like the best businesses and the best sales are where you're collaborating to solve problems. But there's people who are like looking for, like well, what are the tricks I can use to just make someone say yes, and I think it's no good if they then regret it, like so, you know, so pausing is dangerous to them, right, and you know, trauma of money like money, stuff everywhere, um, like to loop back a little bit or just re-engage in the idea of what we want.
Speaker 3:And um, dan sullivan um, I've talked about a lot with strategic coach talks about I want is a complete sentence and I want it because I want it. I don't need to justify it, I don't need to. You know he's built a business that funds the life he wants. But it's like I'm allowed to want and for me, I you know, even the idea of wanting money, part of the money, avoidance or wanting anything is like almost a suggestion I can't accept. It has brought up a lot of resistance and in part of this phase it is like defining and deciding what you want. And I know, as part of my self-hypnosis practice, I use a lot of I am statements, but I've integrated a few.
Speaker 3:I want statements as well, to try to flex my muscle for what I want in life. Because when we define what we want now, we have a filter to make the choices we need to make. So if you're like you know, if you want to travel, you know now, well, I know I need to save some resources so I can travel. If you don't know what you want, then why are you saving stuff? It's all based on well, someone told me I should save. I really like that, sorry.
Speaker 2:Go ahead.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I really like that idea of incorporating I want in there. You've probably seen this. I know you have. I don't know if it's recent or how long it's been around, but the I want in the world is like a big no-no right so you have to say I already have a multi-million, or how right you if? You say I, you're automatically in lack.
Speaker 3:Really.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 3:I kind of reject that yeah.
Speaker 1:And so I like that. You know, because you have all these people now who are running around saying, well, don't say I want, because you're in lack. So I like the idea of and you what? Whenever I said I want something, it it appears, not every time, obviously, but like yeah, this is where yeah, like.
Speaker 3:To me it's not always like. I think there's a way to respect the idea that you're not. You know there is a flow and it's like defining what I want, so I focus my mind on getting it, versus, you know, being like a kid having a tantrum, being like I want this and I want that. I want this without actually having to give something to get it, but as a way to focus our mind like, how do I know what I'm saving for? And then I distract myself with spending and doing all of these things without knowing if I want to do it. So if it's like you know, I want to live a life of travel, then I can make money, choices and work choices that allow me to live the life, because we get to create it. Like you know, I'm I am perfectly worthy to create my life or co-create my life as I want to.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, I need to filter in some wants.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm hearing everything you guys are saying and I'm agreeing with it, but I'm also feeling a little bit of resistance, because I think that one of the programs that our society is really good at instilling into everybody is the program that says I'll be happy when I get this Right. And I think that I want. I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting and desiring, and it's about understanding. You know where that places you, where that places you emotionally and mentally, and so I think there's a certain amount of deliberation and intentional thinking that needs to go on to sort of finish this idea off, to sort of be aware of yourself, be aware of where you've been. There's nothing wrong with saying you know, I said it for 50 years I want a boat, and for 50 years 45 of those years I didn't have one.
Speaker 3:I can see your boat now, yeah.
Speaker 2:I want one. I want one one, I want one. What was really good was I had lots of time to realize that, yes, it is something that I wanted to be able to enjoy and Hillary knows how much I enjoy it and it is, I think, a valuable effort to pause and say ask yourself why I want that. Where does that fit in? What is that? What does that do for me?
Speaker 2:Um, because you know for me to be able to say I want a boat, there's nothing wrong with me because I don't have one and I want a boat and I got one. And to understand, you know, my experience every day is that the boat's not moving every day, which means I want it but I'm not using it every day. So where does it really fit into my life and to what degree is it really something that brings me joy? And now I'm looking at the boat and I got to get it out of the water and I got to get it taken care of for the winter, and there's a certain amount of obligations and that wanting for me all those obligations not really a problem. I know that that's part of having that and that's okay with me.
Speaker 2:And so that kind of deliberate awareness about what you want, I think first of all breaks you out of the unconscious cycle of just consuming. That breaks you out of the unconscious cycle of just consuming and the second thing is that it brings a certain level of appreciation and gratitude. There's not too many times I don't look out the window and say to myself thank you, life for letting me have a boat and I have this ability to go out in the middle of the lake and sit and float with my doggy and stare at the sunset, and this kind of stuff brings me peace.
Speaker 2:So I want to send a message that it is totally okay to desire, it is totally okay to seek out and attain, it's totally okay to have and enjoy. And what you want to do is be doing that deliberately, not because you're compelled by some program that somebody else put in your head, and not because society tells you good people have boats right. You know the right people have boats right. If you want to be really great in life, you're going to want to have a boat. That's not what it is for me and, as a result, you can tell what boat I have. I mean, it's just a cheap used boat that floats and takes me out in the middle of the lake where I want to be and let the waves and the wind push me around, and that's the stuff that matters to me the most, and that's just what you really want.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that's sort of having a desire that sometimes takes a lifetime to get to, but having a desire, understanding it truly as to what it means to you, not letting somebody else's desires interfere with your desires or compel your desires, being at peace with your desire. That it's going to cost you You're going to spend money. That money I spent on the boat is gone, right, and every year I'm spending money on gas and storage and all those things, and every year I'm spending money on gas and storage and all those things. But I don't mind spending that money because it actually provides me something that brings me a sense of joy.
Speaker 2:And so I do believe that some people are out there scrambling to have, and as soon as they get something, the first question is do I get next? What do I need now? What must? And that kind of compulsion I think should be examined and paused. And I think there are people out there who are saying to themselves I don't deserve anything and I don't deserve to spend this money, and the money I have is supposed to take care of other people and not me, and they have this, this opposite view. So I think that there's there's there's a healthy balance in there somewhere and that unfortunately, I think it's very common to not have that balance.
Speaker 3:so that's, that's my tirade story I like it.
Speaker 3:It's also a good reminder why you know, as we talk about these things in the order and the kind of brilliance of the trauma money cycle, because we start with our window of resilience and tackling some of these things first, before we vision. So what comes up for me is like, yeah, there's nothing wrong with the I want. But if we just jump to like, well, I want a boat and I want a car and I want a lamborghini and I want all these things without going through the process of like intentionally digging into it, and then the other cool thing that came up is like the bridge between the I want and the I am, because there is a I am, this that can bridge to the want.
Speaker 3:Because, when I look at what my want statements are. They're not really specific items. They're not something that's like the goal of. When I have this, I will be happy, like I want a life where I engage in ideas. You know that could be an I am statement, right, I am engaging in ideas or I'm surrounding myself with people who engage in ideas.
Speaker 1:So there's some nuance, yeah, but I I do think it's very important, like you said, to know what you want. And I think, then, what you said about joy and I know I really struggle with this and it's actually almost a scary question for me is what does bring me joy? I don't even know. I don't even know. And what is joy to me? Is it excitement? Excitement's fleeting in my world sometimes.
Speaker 1:right, it's hard to keep up so yeah, like joy can be a frightening question, because if I don't know what brings me joy, oh my gosh, who am I? My God, what kind of human am I?
Speaker 3:Why I'm sitting here at this table is you know, a few years ago I didn't know what joy was, not sure. I still know, not sure what I still really want. But I understood that I'm like, oh no, I don't know what I want, I don't have goals. I understood that I'm like, oh no, I don't know what I want, I don't have goals. I'm caught up in all these different scripts and different things and choices and started on the journey of trying to unpack some of that, which could start with tilting back in a hypnosis chair. And that's where I think the beauty of this type of work is is in some ways never ending.
Speaker 2:But you have to start at the start, and money is a great place to start, because we all are impacted safe, and it doesn't have to be a challenge or a threat to just openly say most of what is in my mind in terms of thoughts and ideas and beliefs and values has come to me through other people, and that's wonderful, as long as I then sift through all of that and decide what really suits me, what is really about me, what parts of this is genuine to me.
Speaker 2:Um, and that, to me, is the ultimate value of the hypnosis chair is that I get to look at what's going on in my mind and sort through it limiting beliefs beliefs I get to, as Hillary does her technique, I get to hand them back to where they came from, I get to dispose of them.
Speaker 2:I am free to have anything, I am free to be anything, I am free to do anything, and that's sort of an ultimate truth, and everything that interferes with that is an idea or a belief or a value that came to us from somebody else, and it's okay. Sometimes, most of the time, these are given to us with love. Most of the time, these are given to us with a desire to help us live a better life. They just might not be correct. They might not be correct, they might not be helpful, but to to take those and sift through them and set some aside and then examine what else is down there, and maybe there's some stuff that um does help me, maybe there's some stuff that does open the door, you know to be able to say I am free to have as much money as I want.
Speaker 2:I am free to use that money in any loving way I want. I am free to trust life will bring me what I want and what I need. I think, these are big ideas that really are hard to get to unless you're taking deliberate time to examine what's already there in your mind.
Speaker 1:It's daunting, but it's exciting. It's exciting to think that, yeah, I could get over this. I could get over it, but you know what I?
Speaker 3:mean.
Speaker 1:Like you could move through some of it. I remember moving through just an ounce of it a couple years ago and releasing a limiting belief that I had around it, and just instant, instant money flow. It was scary.
Speaker 2:I was like holy crap as an outside person watching you move from a place of fear and unworthiness to open this business and receive payment for this business and move to somebody who is now busy and helping people and the money itself is has become just a natural flow.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, that's huge you know this is kind of wrapping a nice bow on it, but on that it's. You know we have to go through the journey and there's not like a shortcut to the end. And one of the things that really hit me, that's changed how I look at money and even pricing. It's like we are also in a body and our nervous system has to be able to accept these things and we can't do too much all at once. So, you know, to go from like well, I'm just gonna have a million dollars show up tomorrow, especially if we're money avoidance, that amount of money even how you reacted when I sent a million dollars is like your nervous system can't accept that. You can't accept the idea that a million dollars is going to show up to you tomorrow, but maybe it can accept a hundred.
Speaker 3:And you know this is a whole other series on entrepreneurship and a lot of terrible coaches who are like well, just, you know, double what you're thinking and add 20 and charge that because you're worth it. And you know everyone who rejects it is just haters and losers, and forget about them isn't helpful. Yeah, and there's times we have to go through just pushing that window of resilience a little bit at a time and you know, maybe it's time for you to release a few other things. Yeah, add a little bit more stretch to that, knowing that you've been able to release and take steps yeah and you know we take another step.
Speaker 3:And yeah, it doesn't have to be the quick fix all at once, but engaging in the work just brings us everything that we want, or brings us clarity on what we even do want.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there's some topics yet to be covered on this. I'd like to spend time talking about what is abundance. That's a word thrown around all the time in this world, and by very well-meaning people, but what the heck does that mean? Lots of stuff yet to cover.
Speaker 3:Yeah, we went through two steps of six steps in the Trump money process and even some of them are. You know, I think a lot of the work comes in the first two, the work that we're talking about and I'm interested in. I believe that part of my ethos and kind of mission in the future is helping with rewriting money stories, and that includes you've got to uncover all the scripts we have and identify the unhelpful ones and we either erase them from the page and release them or we actually rewrite them and you know, and then we vision ourselves a future where we want to go and what are the money scripts that we need to kind of install so that we can get there. And it's not something we can do right away. But I also believe the tool of hypnosis helps us do it a lot faster than fighting with our conscious mind and all of these money scripts we have. We can't just shame ourselves into making the changes we need to change. I've tried.
Speaker 2:That doesn't get very far well then, we'll just wait for the next time we talk about this and we'll go eat some vegetables sounds good.
Speaker 1:alright, we'll see you later. We hope you enjoyed today's podcast and that maybe it helped even a little. If you have any questions, we would love you to send them along in an email to info at psalmhypnosiscom. Thank you for being part of the State of Mind community. For more information about hypnosis and the various online or in-person services we provide, please visit our website, wwwpsalmhypnosiscom. The link will be in the notes below. While you are there, why don't you book a free one-hour journey meeting with Hilary or Les to learn more about what hypnosis is and how you might use it to make your life what you want it to be? Bye for now. Talk to you tomorrow, thank you.
