Coffee With Hilary and Les from State of Mind Hypnosis and Training Centre
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Coffee With Hilary and Les from State of Mind Hypnosis and Training Centre
Sitting With Your Emotions: What the heck does that mean?
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Can your emotions be your greatest teachers? Join us on Coffee with Hilary and Les as we explore the profound wisdom our emotions offer. Forget about merely "sitting with your emotions." We'll guide you on how to take the next step: understanding the lessons behind your feelings. From the challenges of overwhelming emotions like anger to the tranquility that comes with acceptance, we promise you'll gain valuable insights that will transform how you perceive and manage your emotional landscape.
We'll also uncover practical strategies for breaking down and embracing complex emotional experiences, much like nurturing an inner child. Learn how to soothe and resolve your feelings by addressing their deeper layers. Discover why emotions like anxiety, anger, and depression often stem from childhood fears and how they can become sources of strength once understood. Plus, you'll hear about the potential of hypnosis in releasing past emotional burdens. Tune in for thoughtful reflections and actionable advice that will help you navigate your emotions with compassion and clarity.
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Welcome and thank you for joining us for Coffee with Hilary and Les, brought to you by State of Mind Hypnosis and Training Center located in the heart of the Kawartha Lakes. Located in the heart of the Kawartha Lakes this is our almost daily community podcast about the mind and how we all might change it in the most simple and helpful ways. Every day we sit staring at the lake, sipping our coffee, having a chat about hypnosis and how to make those meaningful adjustments to our state of mind, because nothing's more important than your state of mind.
Speaker 1:Okay, we're online Morning. Where's your weather report? Oh, weather.
Speaker 2:The weather on the Scugog River today. Beside Lake Scugog there's a little bit of a southerly wind. It's very warm out there for mid-early September day. It's warmer than it's been Most of the August. Mornings were very cold. This is like 17 degrees out there and rain and it's going gonna rain all day and that shouldn't bother you because it's just rain.
Speaker 1:So today we are talking about something that kind of gets me riled up and I guess I should. We were joking, I need to sit with my emotions here. It actually comes up a lot where clients come in and they talk about how they've spent a long time reading self-help books, getting help in different ways through the system, and they're being told to sit with their emotions and that's great. That is a wonderful first step. But you know, not everyone goes through this, but many of us humans are not really trained or well-versed in sitting with our emotions. So say, we're feeling anger overwhelmingly and we sit with our anger. Oftentimes if we don't know what to do with that, it just spirals and takes us into a dark hole and makes us mad it makes us even more mad because people, people say, sit with your emotions.
Speaker 2:Well, what the heck does that mean?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:What am I supposed to do with that? Sit here and stew, sit here and be sad? Exactly, and in some ways, yes, but in a lot of ways, no.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So I think you know I'm proposing I'm sure it's out there already Like I'm not reinventing the wheel here, but I'm proposing there's another step after sitting with your emotions, and that is to sort of Ask the emotion what is the lesson here, what is the wisdom here? Often, you know, we do this in hypnosis, and I think that's what brings it to mind with clients is because when we go into hypnosis, it's like this new step for them and it clears it so quickly that they go well, wait a minute. Why haven't I done this so far? Why wasn't I told to do this? Yeah, yeah, I think you start there.
Speaker 2:You gotta you know when it comes to this, when I think of this as a big topic, because it is a big topic and it's, it's okay to feel like you only know parts of it and it's only because of training and a lot of effort and a lot of reading and my own history, sort of looking at Buddhism and meditation as a practice these are the things that have helped me to understand this process. And no, it's not helpful to just have somebody say, hey, sit with your emotions and not let you know. And I think you know there's, there's some steps right, and the first step for a lot of people that they're not used to is that it's okay to have emotions. Emotions are normal, emotions are, emotions are purposeful, emotions are part of the thrill of living. Emotions are the reaction to the meaning that you've put on something. Whatever meaning you've put on an event in your life, it's going to generate an emotion. Where there is no meaning, there is no emotion, and so there's all kinds of things happening in the world that mean absolutely nothing to you and they don't create any emotions in you. And then there are things happening in your much closer world that do seem to have meaning on you and they're generating emotions. And those emotions come in all kinds of degrees and with all kinds of combinations and that is really normal. There's nothing wrong with you to have emotions. It is absolutely natural. Those emotions are going to impact your body and that's what we refer to when we talk about feelings.
Speaker 2:So I think you know, sitting with your emotions really starts with trusting yourself, trusting life, trusting the process, knowing that emotions are okay, that I'm okay when I have emotions, and then I just immediately move away from judgment, and that, I think, is critical.
Speaker 2:When you, when you have an experience, something happened, you put a meaning on it, you have an emotion going on and then your reaction to that is to judge yourself. It's going to be really, really hard to engage that process that that you're talking about, that process of looking to understand what the emotion means and what I should be learning from it. So I think you know step one is just let's just move away from the idea that emotions need to be avoided or they need to be stifled, or that some emotions are bad. These ideas are not helpful. Emotions are a natural result of the meaning you place on the events in your life and that's just normal and allow yourself, forgive. Forgive yourself, be kind to yourself. I think step one for a lot of people sitting with their emotions starts off in a place of concern and they're wanting to rid themselves of their emotions. They're wanting to get rid of this negative feeling they have.
Speaker 2:And I can understand why you would want to move out of that state pretty quickly, but the state exists for your benefit. The state of emotion exists to teach you, to guide you, to help you learn about yourself and learn about the world, and so you don't need to run away from it.
Speaker 2:I know in some situations they come about as quick and it's really really hard to do anything other than sort of put it on the back shelf and just get through the situation that you're in, and sometimes that's a good strategy. Sometimes that's okay. Sometimes it's okay to say I'm going to think about this later, when I get out to the car, I'm going to sit and think about this. When I get home, I'm going to sit and think about this. Sometimes it's okay to just accept that you have emotions. Let them register, let them be there and then decide you're going to process this later. That's okay, as long as the process doesn't include there's something wrong with me or I'm doing something bad or I shouldn't feel this way. That's really going to head you off in the wrong direction. So, yeah, start your process with. It's okay to have emotions. Emotions are the natural result of living. I can learn about myself and about the world from this. I just need to take the time to examine it.
Speaker 2:So, to me, that's the step one.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I was saying to a client the other day how, when we turn away from our emotions and not wanting to deal with them, because sometimes they're scary of course we don't want to get sucked into them, but it's kind of like turning away from your inner child that's waving their hand, saying I need help, right, help, right. So when we work with emotions it's I mean, how often is it not the inner child really, and you wouldn't do that to a child, you wouldn't, you wouldn't turn and walk away, hopefully. So there, so there's magic in imagining going up to your younger self and just giving them a big hug and telling them either let's, like you say, work on this right now, or when we get in the car, or when we get home later, and soothing that part of yourself. I think that's really important and I think it's.
Speaker 2:It's important to realize it's not just negative emotions. Right, like we are, we are all children, right? We all have a broad spectrum of emotions, positive and negative, ones, that we like to have, ones that we don't like to have, and we had them the instant we were born. So you know this is a process of learning that you know in the beginning, heck, we don't have the facility to have somebody else guide us, don't have the facility to have somebody else guide us. And so what happens? I think for a lot of people who have, you know where we live in, a world where our emotions are extreme. So some people feel their emotions very, very deeply. Some people, positive and negative emotions really impact the way they speak, the way they hold themselves, the way they interact with others. And it's not uncommon for little kids to be so excited or so happy or so joyous that they get told by their parents calm down, right, it's one of those things that is
Speaker 2:not useful. It's not useful to say, push your emotions down. It's useful to say why am I feeling this emotion? What wonderful thing is about to happen to me and a lot of people. That's the difficult thing is not processing emotions. They can't even get there. They're busy trying to. They think that it's about regulating their emotions, they think that they need to control their emotions. But what you do want to do is control your physical reactions to your emotions. But I don't think it's helpful to train young people, little kids, very, very earlier in their life to push down or or somehow dampen their emotions, whatever they are. The emotion naturally dissipates when we understand it. So the really easy thing, a much easier experience for the young one, for the little one, is to help them understand their emotion. And I guess that's really sort of the next step, right? The next step in sitting with your emotions is to just understand it, understand it, give it a name and look at its parts.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we talk about emotions being layered.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Sometimes, you know, for instance, one that comes up a lot actually is shame, embarrassment, and then it's like, right after embarrassment there's anger, right, and so those are a little stacking of emotions can you imagine a lot the mess you put yourself in when you've been raised to stifle your emotions and you're at some situation that makes you really, really happy and you laugh out loud and maybe you have a funny laugh, or maybe you have a laugh you're shy about, and then you laugh in joy and then you feel shame and guilt for your, your outburst and then you feel embarrassment and then you feel angry that you're you're, you're not able to understand your own emotions and you're angry at yourself and in the situation. And now you've stacked like ten emotions all together into a single experience.
Speaker 1:It's really hard to understand what that was about unless you can go back to it, slow it down and look at the pieces of it yeah, yeah, oftentimes I'm sure you come up with this too with clients is we go back to something on, say, their second session, and then on the fourth session they're saying, oh, I'm back at this place again. It's just because they've been stacked right and now we're working on something different and we're unraveling that which is causing them grief.
Speaker 2:Yeah, in sessions I do. In sessions I think I frustrate my clients sometimes because they'll say I'm feeling angry and I'll say well, what else?
Speaker 1:And they'll say what do you mean? What else? I feel angry.
Speaker 2:Yes, but there's something below that, there's pieces to that. Well, what else are you feeling? Just sit for a second and examine what else you feel. Oh well, I guess I feel a little bit ashamed. Okay, good, and what else do you feel? I guess I'm a little bit concerned, I'm a little bit afraid, I'm a little bit, you know, cautious here. You know I'm in a situation that makes me mad because something bad could happen. Right, and now they start to break it down and they see all the pieces of emotions that are there, each one serving a purpose yeah some dominating the others or or masking the others so that we can't really dig into that emotion.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, sometimes my clients will go what? I'll just say just what else are you? What else are you experiencing in terms of emotions and feelings? Yeah, and when we break that down and we start to see the pieces, that's when we can say where do you feel it?
Speaker 1:yes, so that would be the next step. Whatever step we're on, I'm not sure three, four, um, but uh, yeah, it's, it's, uh. What is what is it holding onto? What is the wisdom in this? What is the lesson, um, and whether it be one little lesson or multiple lessons, multiple wins, wisdoms I think any words from your emotion are important Whenever usually we're angry at our emotions, right, we think we're, you know, it's attacking us kind of thing.
Speaker 1:And I've noticed, when clients take the emotion out of the body, just imagination land, right, taking that emotion out of the body and they sort of have it hovering in front of them. Whatever that is, for them it might look like something, it might just be a ball of energy, it might look like something, it might just be a ball of energy. Whenever they go to ask, what do you represent? What are you trying to tell me? It's always something like, in a way, loving, you know, like, look over here, or you should treat yourself better, or, you know, I'm a little scared and I want to hug. It's amazing what. What comes up for people.
Speaker 2:I think it's critical to see emotions as bringing messages, as bringing information. Emotions are there to guide you. They really will if you just allow them to be, if you're not busy judging them, if you're not busy suppressing them, if you're not busy trying to um keep yourself from experiencing them, if you're open to them and you, you get friendly with them. I think this is really why they say sit with your emotions. When you're open to what they can bring you, the messages are wonderful.
Speaker 2:And if you're having a hard time with that, know that there are some basic commonalities anxiety or worry or concern or cautiousness or somehow some kind of fear. It's because there's some danger here, something, something bad might happen, right? So what is the bad thing that might happen? Sometimes we, our fears, trigger old fears inside us and that makes them feel bigger than they really are. And that's really why hypnosis is so powerful, because we go back and we release all those past instances of that same emotion and then you only have to deal with the one that's present in the moment. You're not having to deal with every time you've ever experienced that emotion, but if you know you're experiencing some kind of fear, well, there's something to be concerned about, there's some danger.
Speaker 2:So what am I afraid of? What am I afraid might happen? What am I afraid it's gonna happen to me? You know, being aware of that fear, specifically in terms of its potential outcome, gives us the obvious answer how to protect ourselves. When we're feeling anger, you know, it's generally that we feel like we've been mistreated, we were being unfairly treated, we're being spoken to, treated, releated somehow or another, we're being encroached upon and we, in that moment, react in anger. So how am I being treated unfairly and what would be the appropriate response? And oftentimes it's.
Speaker 2:I'm not being treated unfairly. This person's just acting badly. And when we realize it's not about me, often the emotion starts to just dissipate on its own. You know, when we're feeling down, when we're feeling depressed, it's really I just don't know what to do. I don't know how to deal with this. I don't know how to deal with life. I don't know how to deal with this relationship. I don't know how to deal, and that's really what's going on.
Speaker 2:And so, being aware that this depressed, negative emotion is telling you, first of all, that you're feeling a little bit powerless, you're feeling a little helpless, you're feeling like you don't know what to do, that guides you towards that wisdom answer that could come from the emotion. If you now, as you sit there, comfortable with having emotions, comfortable with the idea that the emotions mean something, comfortable with the idea that you don't have to suppress emotions, you can understand them, comfortable with the idea that they can actually teach you something, make you smarter and stronger in the end. And then you sit and you, you smarter and stronger in the end. And then you sit and you ask them for their wisdom. What's your insight? What can you teach me? What should I be learning from this? And then the magic happens.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, it really is magic how fast things can clear, sometimes A lot of times. You know, I've had clients say to me I've been trying to work on this, for what comes to me specifically is 22 years. Someone said I've been trying to work on this for 22 years. How has it gone? In one hour. You know it's, it's the magic of hypnosis well, I think there's some.
Speaker 2:You know, we talk about the parts of the mind and we talk about the critical factor, and we talk about the critical factor being, you know, um, constructed very early in life, when you're 10, 11. That's why we talk about the inner child, right, and I think, when you, when you look at some of these emotions, um, and you consider what would be going on for a little kid and take it, you know, from nine years old right down to infant lying on a bed in a diaper, right, this is the spectrum of childhood and in that that process.
Speaker 2:There's very little that you don't experience as a fear of death, right when when you are left alone in your crib at night to cry right these little ones are afraid that they've been abandoned and that they won't survive.
Speaker 2:You know, know. When something scary happens, like a dog barks and you've never heard that before, you know it's an immediate fear for your very existence. When parents get mad at you, right, you fear for your very existence. There's very little that a child is afraid of that doesn't boil back to am I going to die and is this the end of me? Is something awful and painful about to happen? So when you experience emotions as an adult, they trigger those old, stored emotions you were as a child and the consequences as a child seem so extreme. So what happens is we go back into that childhood and we find that moment and it might not have been, you know, anything really, you know from an adult's perspective very serious. It might not have been anything really to worry too much about, you know, know. But you go back and it might be, you know it can be as little as being.
Speaker 2:You know, I'm making something up three year old picks up a frog, mom sees them holding the frog and mom freaks out. And all they know is that they're holding this frog and this frog is now put them in danger. Something awful is gonna. Mom's acting really, really out there, really extreme. And now what's embedded in them is this fear of frogs that they don't understand, because it wasn't their own. It was a fear that they took on from somebody else, and that fear was extreme, it was huge because of the way mom reacted, and then they took that on for themselves.
Speaker 2:Or maybe that frog that was lovely in your hands jumps on your face and that just puts you over the top. The point is, little ones have a hard time seeing what they're afraid of, what the consequence of their fear is, and so it just sort of builds up as an extreme emotion that's not sorted out and it sits there in the subconscious mind and then it plays itself out as an adult In similar situations. You know somebody says, hey, look, I found a frog, and you start freaking out. And then you go back to that first instance and you realize no you were never going to die.
Speaker 2:Frogs aren't going to kill you. You're going to be okay. Everything is fine. That's mom's problem. That's not your problem. That's mom's upset, that's mom's fear. You don't have to take that on. That doesn't have to be yours. You're safe around frogs. Frogs are pretty harmless things in our world here, so don't you worry, you're going to be okay. And then when that adult meets that young one and that young one hears the wisdom, those built-up emotions just dissolve, they just disappear. The misunderstanding or the lack of understanding just disappears and that's why regression is such a significant tool.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, it really is. It is. It's important to to find out what your emotion means. So if you're going through an emotion, sitting with the emotion, not getting sucked into the mud of the emotion, but just asking it, what is there to learn here? What do you represent? What do you mean? What is my lesson?
Speaker 2:What is my lesson? What?
Speaker 2:is the lesson Fear is a great emotion because it lets you know that some things are dangerous. I was working with my son the other day with chainsaws and yeah, chainsaws are dangerous. You've got to work with them. In a certain way, having a little bit of a fear of a chainsaw is smart, till you learn how to use it and you realize, as long as I use it this way, I don't have anything to be afraid of. You know, fear is a useful thing.
Speaker 2:Anger is a useful thing. Sometimes it's appropriate to tell somebody to back off. Sometimes it's appropriate to say to somebody you're not treating me very well, and that's not acceptable. Sometimes it's appropriate to say to somebody you're not treating me very well, and that's not acceptable. Sometimes it's important to be able to say to somebody else you know, leave me alone as just your own expression of self-love and self self-care. No, I'm not going to sit here and listen to this. I'm not going to sit here and be part of this problem. Right? These emotions are bringing you wonderful lessons, as long as you don't have the motion overwhelm you, and that, I think, is. You know why mindfulness has become a huge practice in mental health. It's become a component of almost every modern psychotherapy. They're teaching components of mindfulness and really, when you think about sitting with your emotion, it's really just the idea of mindfulness. Let me be here in the emotion, comfortable with the idea that it's here to teach me something.
Speaker 1:Let's calmly and deliberately allow ourselves to learn the lesson from the emotion yeah so when somebody says you know, sit with your emotions, I think that's you know closer to what that means yeah, yeah, just take, take it a step further and and uh, talk with the emotion in a way you know and don't be afraid that you don't do it in the moment.
Speaker 2:You can do it later. You really can do it later. I mean, that's what we do with regression, right, we take incidents that happened 25 years ago and undo them. You can undo these experiences any time. They don't have to be done right away. It's helpful to do it right away because hard on yourself and don't think you gotta hit the pause button in your life and sit for however long it takes.
Speaker 1:Yeah, all right, that was a good chat. Hope that helps. We'll see you tomorrow. We hope you enjoyed today's podcast and that maybe it helped even a little. If you have any questions, we would love you to send them along in an email to info at psalmhypnosiscom. Thank you for being part of the State of Mind community. For more information about hypnosis and the various online or in-person services we provide, please visit our website, wwwpsalmhypnosiscom. The link will be in the notes below. While you are there, why don't you book a free one-hour journey meeting with Hilary or Les to learn more about what hypnosis is and how you might use it to make your life what you want it to be? Bye for now. Talk to you tomorrow.
