Coffee With Hilary and Les from State of Mind Hypnosis and Training Centre
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Coffee With Hilary and Les from State of Mind Hypnosis and Training Centre
Transformative Power of Dreaming Dreams: You are free to have, be, do, anything you want.
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What if reconnecting with your childhood dreams could transform your everyday life? Join us on a reflective journey by the water as we ponder the importance of dreaming big and the internal resistance that often holds us back. Over a contemplative long weekend, we dive into the fading of childhood dreams and the rejuvenating power of rekindling them. We discuss how to navigate the practicalities of life while keeping our dreams alive, and share personal stories of how imagination and joy can pave the way for larger goals. It's about finding that balance between practicality and dreaming, and how letting go of the "how" can open doors to inspiration and opportunities.
In our episode, we explore the transformative effects of positive thinking and meditation on our ability to dream. Imagine reframing your realistic mindset to foster creativity and aspiration, not just for yourself but for your children too. Hear how personal anecdotes illustrate the shift from negativity to an inspiring, dream-encouraging parenthood. We also touch on the importance of small actions and consistent mindfulness practices in unveiling hidden opportunities. This conversation is a heartfelt invitation to embrace your dreams and take steps closer to your ideal life, free from the constraints of fear.
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Speaker 2:The sun is shining in my eyes.
Speaker 1:Blinded by the light.
Speaker 2:Beautiful. Somebody's out there fishing. Saw him catch a fish, throw it back. He's just drifting along. Wind's coming out of the north, which is uh why it's so darn cool I love how we have like a news segment right before our podcast well, I don't want people to be in the vibe that I'm in, unless over to you what's the weather for?
Speaker 2:today it's beautiful, clear and sunny, yeah, and it's been. It's come to the end of a long weekend where we know we've been delinquent about podcasting, but more importantly, we have, um, well, I guess over the last week I've come to understand the significance of being really aware in yourself, of yourself, about yourself, of what you dream, what you hope to create, what you hope to be part of, what you hope to see, what you hope to experience. The dreams are really the forces inside you that are meant to stimulate curiosity and creativity as as primary forces of life, and I guess I've been I don't do that and it's been an interesting weekend because we've sort of made that our focus. We've been, yeah, it's a long weekend, we're spending it just us, we really haven't done anything that involves others, and we've had this constant question of what are our dreams, what does it mean to dream? And is it fair to say it hasn't been an easy kind of process yeah, that's fair to say.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's fair to say. I thought I had dreams and I do. I think that's important to say that I do have dreams and you do have dreams. But I realized quite quickly when we sat down on Saturday and we started writing out Saturday and we started writing out I don't know what would you say those things we wrote out Kind of trying to connect in with something higher, just to give us some direction.
Speaker 2:We were just using I am statements trying to give ourselves permission to dream, give ourselves permission to have really big, audacious, glorious aspirations. I mean, I guess it starts. You know, our process started with, yeah, the business and our business and what we're trying to do and what we want to be doing and what we want to be doing next and what do we dream about? The business, and mostly it was really practical.
Speaker 1:That's my doing. Mine was the practicality of it.
Speaker 2:Well, I think yours is very direct and I was just frustrated with myself that I couldn't seem to generate those kinds of big thoughts of what are we doing and why are we doing it and what are we trying to accomplish by doing it and really being practical as to you know a business make a living, help some people to something bigger and then really try to tap into old thoughts about that, thoughts that we might have been willing to have in prior times, maybe much younger times have in prior times, maybe much younger times.
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm, it's funny how little kids are good at it, right?
Speaker 1:yeah, yeah, some kids just know what they want to be or do, or you know, I never I don't remember anyway having that like I want to be a firefighter, or you know, I those those dreams of exact Knowing and I don't think that's a bad thing. I think over my lifetime I've had chapters of dreaming and anyone who knows me knows that I have like 10 different things going on at the same time that I'm, I would say, I'm dreaming about. But the thing that I recognized this weekend was that I was getting caught up in the details and how to get to the dream. So it's like the dream was getting lost in the, in the details and trying to control how I got there. And then I was thinking that my dream was the details. It was like I was getting mixed up with the two.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean we were talking about where would you want to live. If you could live anywhere, where would you want to live? And really our discussion of that turned into where could we live, based on our situation where could we?
Speaker 2:live based on our situation.
Speaker 2:Where could we live? And and we were more concerned with, you know, rules and money and and practicalities, like you know, taking care of tyke the dog and stuff like that we were caught up in thes and capables and not reaching out to the dream. And you know I guess that brings me back to the idea of programming right that when you're little and you talk about dreams, nobody ever poo-poos them, or I shouldn't say that they're less likely to be poo-pooed by somebody listening in or looking on, and somehow through life, we get reprogrammed away from dreaming big dreams and towards managing conditions and circumstances, and that it goes from seeing something wonderful and beautiful out on the horizon that we want to create to well, what's one step we could take a little bit closer to something that we might like more? Yeah, and so it becomes very practical. And so I think about programming. I think about how the idea of dreaming and dreaming big dreams is something that seems, over the years, to be programmed out of you. I mean, we found incredible resistance to it.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, I never thought I had that kind of resistance to it. But in the end I recognized why I have maybe a hard time sticking to some things right, like why I have resistance to sitting down and writing and why I have resistance to creating programs sometimes, and it's like I'm getting too caught up in the you know, like oh, this program will create my dream. Well, how do I explain this? Like I've, it's like I've pulled back from the dream and I'm focused on the program and then I get caught up in the details of that and I don't know what to do, because if I do the wrong thing, then maybe the program won't create my dream. It's all getting muddled up and I really needed to look at what was giving me joy or moments of peace and joy along the travels to the dream, instead of getting so hung up on the details. You know, a really good example and I don't know if I'm going to be able to spell this out quite clearly, but a really good example is writing the book.
Speaker 1:Well, I recognized recently that I needed to put the puzzles together for different perspectives of characters, and I'm getting hung up on that and I'm not just writing. It's like, oh, this has to be perfect for my first edit where you know like it's going to be torn apart anyway, right, like, and I'm getting hung up in the details of all that and so I'm just not writing because, god knows, I might screw it up. So the dream is starting to fade and I'm getting caught up in the in the beginning stages where I shouldn't even be getting caught up. I should just be having fun and finding the joy in that. So I think that's across the board, I think with our business, with with you know, like, like, like.
Speaker 2:Oh, I got to do it properly, you know yeah, the joy and excitement part is the part that I really miss, you know it's. It's also probably the motive most motivational part is is being aware of what you're trying to be, do or have and some combination of those.
Speaker 2:The big dream that's not necessarily just a dream for yourself, you know. It's not just what do I dream to rip, to end up being and having and doing. It's also what I dream for the world, what I dream to end up being and having and doing. It's also what I dream for the world, what I dream for me as an actor in the world. What am I accomplishing? What impact am I having? What impact will I have on others, have on others by pursuing something that is, you know, sort of uniquely mine? You know, I I think about, at some point or another, athletes that are going to we just had the Olympics, they're gonna going to go to the Olympics have to, they have to sort of flip a switch. They have to go from saying I like running or I like jumping or I like, you know, playing this or playing that sport or whatever. They have to go from I like it and I want to be good at it to I want to be an Olympian. And if you dream that, I think we're predisposed in our world to say, oh well, you know, there's so few people going to be Olympians. That's not a realistic dream. It's not about having realistic dreams. It's about having something that drives you. It's about having something that drives you. It's about having something that moves you forward, that those dreams can change as you get further down the road. But is it okay for me to say I want to be an Olympian if it's not realistic?
Speaker 2:It's reminding me of that movie, eddie the Eagle. Eddie the Eagle it's a story of an English kid who wanted to be an Olympian. He didn't know what he would be an Olympian in, but he wanted to be an Olympian and he decided that his only hope was to be a ski jumper, because England didn't have a ski jumping team. So he was going to be the only ski jumper and he did it.
Speaker 2:And it's just a wonderful movie to watch, um, because it's it just shows the power, I think, of dreaming and and the the importance of having a commitment to yourself, I think is so important. Um, it's, it's central, um, and I guess I you know it's what, and I guess what's coming to me now is that's self love, to love yourself enough to see yourself as entitled to have what other people might call an unrealistic dream. Sorry, I just really find that for myself, that dreaming as imagining and creating and seeing things as big and wild and wonderful is something that I've really learned to dismiss in myself and almost avoid as a result, and I'm of the opinion that that's not a good thing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think we avoid it. Well, I don't know, I'm thinking about it for myself anyway, the avoidance it's like it's kind of like being on the schoolyard as a child and just like trying to be a part of something, a group or something, and being turned down and that feeling. I think there's an element of, well, what if I don't achieve the dream? What am I gonna look like? How are how are people going to perceive me? How am I gonna perceive myself? And I? I have a, you know.
Speaker 1:I know a lot of people say, oh, if you have a, you know. I know a lot of people say, oh, if you have a dream, don't tell anybody.
Speaker 1:If you're trying to lose weight, don't tell anybody. If you're trying to do this, don't tell anybody. I have a mixed relationship with that idea because I believe in the idea that other people and their thoughts can help you. Now, if I was surrounded by people that were constantly telling me you know what are you doing, I probably wouldn't tell anybody. But I have supportive friends and when I'm excited about something, I like to share it. As you know, that's beautiful and I want to support them and I always support them in their dreams. So I don't know, I don't know that, like I get it for some people, I totally get it if you've got a circle that isn't quite supportive or I don't know, I don't know. What are your thoughts on that?
Speaker 2:well, let it be the first reframe of the day. It really is like that. I think we can all recognize inside ourselves a fear of sharing our dreams with others, a fear of dreaming something that somebody else might call unrealistic. I have sort of two ideas. First reframe is let's not be the people that poo-poo other people's dreams. So how do I become the person who people feel comfortable sharing their dreams with me? How do I support others in their dreams? How do I get comfortable being just as audacious as they are with their dreams? You know, somebody says I want to be an Olympian that wouldn't that be fantastic.
Speaker 2:you know, I found that. Found that when I was raising my kids, this was taught to me and I thought this is powerful stuff, right, because your automatic reaction as a parent when your kid says they want something is to say no, and you feel all kinds of guilt and shame because you don't have the money to just go out and buy your kids whatever the hell they want. And there's this really incredible sort of almost pain you experience as a parent every time you bump into the limits of your resources and your kids are asking and they're wanting, and you can see the yearning in their eyes. And I got taught this, and so the process I started to adopt was not, um, first it wasn't getting angry and and cause, that's what we do, we, we feel sort of attacked because kids, I want this, can I have this? And then we feel bad about ourselves and so we turn that into anger and we say, no, put that down Right and to to take it back from anger to acceptance. Then sometimes we might feel sort of shame and guilt and say, no, son, I'm sorry, I can't afford that right now. Right, and now that negative emotion becomes guilt and shame. But the next step from that is just imagining.
Speaker 2:And I started to say wouldn't it be great if we could just buy that? Wouldn't it be great if we had enough money to just buy that and take that home? Would you like that? I'd like that too. I would love to be able to do that for you. Wouldn't it be great if I could get one of those too? And then I pointed something I want yeah, dad, you could get that and I could get this.
Speaker 2:And I said yeah, wouldn't that be great. Maybe that can happen sometime. Maybe someday we'll be able to do that. And just by turning it that way, I went from being this sort of negative parent that was just, you know, telling my kid no all the time to this parent that was willing to dream and aspire with their child and encourage my children to dream and aspire and it was. It was. It became a habit for me. We go to the grocery store, dad, can we have Coco? We have cocoa puffs. Oh, wouldn't it be great if we could just eat cocoa puffs all day long and just eat nothing but cocoa puffs. But you know what? We just get sick and fat. So we probably shouldn't do that. I wish we could do that, but we should probably focus on something that's really healthy and and just making that giving giving the child the acknowledgement that it's okay to imagine a life in which they could be constantly giving themselves the things they want, right?
Speaker 2:This was just something that I learned again from from from somebody else, and I started using it and we started to have tons of fun, and then I found out they were telling others that I do this and it was just. It was felt so much lighter and so much happier. Um, it felt it took away some of my fears of taking my kids shopping with me. It took away some of my concerns, um with with money, because, yeah, at the time, you know, resources were limited and that's just the way they were. Um, uh, I don't know that I wanted to stay in that place, but it was still. It was still a different way of looking at it.
Speaker 2:So how do we reframe? How do we reframe our practical self? How do we reframe our realistic self? I think that's powerful, I think to say to ourselves it is okay to dream. It is okay for me to imagine a world where what might otherwise be impractical or what might otherwise be unrealistic, it is okay for me to imagine myself as an Olympic ski jumper. It is okay to imagine myself as the world's most impactful author. It is okay to imagine myself as having a positive impact on millions of people, millions of people helping people with their mind.
Speaker 2:It is okay for me to feel good about this work and process I'm engaged in and trying to take my mind, understand my mind, use my mind for my own benefit, for my own growth, for my own enlightenment, and take that and share that and share those ideas and imagine myself having that impact on others that others are are being moved towards their own enlightenment and their own growth. I'm just a stepping stone along the road and and to imagine myself having that influence, not because I want to change people, but because I want to be that kind of light for others. I want to be the kind of being that others say yeah, I like that idea. That idea makes me feel better. You know, I think that the first reframe has got to be it's okay to dream, it's okay for others to dream and for me to support others in their dreams and to say to myself it's okay to dream. We've been struggling with it all weekend, right, all weekend trying to get bigger and more bodacious with the dreams we have, right.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Sorry, I was on a tear there. That's okay. We spent a lot of time talking about where we would dream about living. And it just kept coming back to practicalities.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I have a really hard time thinking about living overseas, somewhere that we can't drive, because you know we're I don't want to put tyke on a plane, you know. That's like a big no-no for me, um, less than thinks about the ships going across the ocean and then I tell him that I'll fly there and meet him, so, but yeah, I think there's lots of places that we can live. And then we think about our beautiful place here and and why would we want to live out anywhere else? Um, but yeah, I think I, I think, um, what was it that you said to me? You said, oh, I wish, I wish I could remember. But suddenly my world opened up and I was like, yeah, we can have an apartment in Vancouver and we could have what else? Apartment in her house in Halifax and we could have a home base here or somewhere, you know. Like it just opened up everything.
Speaker 2:I wish I could remember what you think it was just let go of the how. The how does it matter? Yeah, how might that happen? Could that happen? Those are questions just to let go up, because that's not.
Speaker 1:That's not what dreaming is about mmm dreaming is not planning yeah and I yeah, and that's where I get caught up.
Speaker 2:Well, and that's really normal, it's really we all do it. When we have the slightest aspiration or goal, our immediate reaction is what would that cost and how can we make that happen? And that'll never happen, because I can never do this or I can never have that, or I can never be this, or I'm not educated enough or I'm not experienced enough, or I don't have those talents or yeah there's. We go straight to the how and the practicality of it and just shut it down.
Speaker 2:I think you know we talked weeks ago about creativity, and I think that's an important idea to consider right now.
Speaker 2:Creativity does not flourish in judgmental environments yeah when the reaction to creativity is good or bad, right or wrong, acceptable or unacceptable. The creative process, the ideation process, the process of coming up with ideas just gets squashed as soon as if you're sitting with somebody and you're dreaming up ways to do something. As soon as somebody says, oh, that won't work, or somebody says I don't think so right, then you just shut down. And I think it's so important, as I learned in creativity studies, to just sometimes push judgment aside for a little while, push the how, push the criticisms, push the inadequacies of the ideas. Just push them aside for a little while, ignore them. You can come back to them. It's not like in the process of coming up with ideas, coming up with your dreams, you have to take every idea and analyze it, you can analyze it later if you really still want to, because I think dreaming itself is a worthwhile process.
Speaker 2:I think it's worthwhile because nothing new will come about without a thought of something different. I mean, you know, somebody watched Star Trek and saw the communicators and said, oh, we could make a flip phone like that, right? It's only when these silly, creative ideas come about, when these aspirational dreams come about right, that humans do wild and wonderful things. Everything begins as an idea. Everything begins as an idea. There is nothing around us that hasn't begun as an idea, and if every one of those ideas is only ever examined practically, then nothing new will come about right. So to be just wild in your thoughts, there's nothing wrong with that. That is what creates new possibilities, you know, for everybody to sit at home and imagine and I, you know everybody's talking about this.
Speaker 2:I was talking about are we on the edge of some kind of big spiritual shift? If everybody was to sit at home and ask himself what would a beautiful, wonderful, loving, caring world look like? And not worry about how to get it there, not worry about how the systems of the world don't support that, not worry about how, you know, there are too many people in too many forces and too many politicians and too many corporations and too many structures and institutions. You know, let go of all of that, we can come to that later. But just spend some energy imagining what's possible for humans. What could humans accomplish if they actually put their mind?
Speaker 2:to it and it costs you nothing. Right, like it costs you nothing. You're going to sit and stare out the window anyway. You're going to sit, drink your coffee and stare off into space anyway. Your mind's and this is, I think, one of the most important reframes I just repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, because I find it has such an enormous impact on my clients and when people hear it and think about it they go oh, I guess I have nothing to lose. Your mind is going to think anyway. Your mind is going to think anyway. So choose what you're thinking, have fun with it. This is my mind. It thinks. So. Why don't I think of you know how beautiful it is outside? Why don't I think about how grateful I am that it was a good summer? Why don't I think about how, you know, summers can be extended and we might have, you know, a beautiful, extended summer well, into October? And why don't I think about these wonderful, uplifting, positive thoughts?
Speaker 2:if I'm going to think right, because I'm going to think anyway, and they tend to be. As we've said so many times, the studies have proven it. The estimates are between 65,000 and 120,000 thoughts each day, of which between 90% and 95% are the same thoughts you had yesterday, that the vast majority of them are some form of worry or resentment or guilt, and that they don't have to be that way. You don't have to think that. And so if you're thinking anyway and you tend to think negative and you're not satisfied with your life the way, it is then maybe that's got something to do with it.
Speaker 2:And since it costs absolutely nothing to shift your thoughts and just start thinking different things, just think positive things, just start with some gratitude. Move on to some dreaming, move on to some imagining. What would life be like, you know, be that be that seven year old kid that imagines having everything that they want.
Speaker 1:You know like you're going to use your mind. Anyway, it's going to think anyway.
Speaker 2:why let it repeat all those negative things? Why not get it into a habit of thinking really positive things? I mean, people are so quick to say don't and react negatively to that idea, but there's no negative outcome from that. The worries will come back when they come back. Right in this moment I'm not going to engage those. I'm going to engage the way the sun glitters on the water and how the dog's lying happily and snoozily and feel like boy. Am I lucky I'm alive today.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think it's giving us permission to dream. You know we're allowed to dream, and anybody who made you feel like you weren't allowed to dream whether it was parents or teachers or society as a whole, you know just in your mind say, no, I'm taking this back. I'm allowed to dream, I'm allowed to put myself out there, I'm allowed to be who I want to be. I'm allowed to um, yeah, just think up new possible, new possibilities and and things that I wish for myself. I think it's so important and you know you want to be changing and you want to be incorporating new things in your life.
Speaker 1:I have this. Well, I think it's kind of hilarious. I don't know if clients do, but I'll say to clients you know, you don't, you don't imagine right now, you never changed again until your final breath, like that would be super boring, right. It kind of reminds me of that old, you know guy on his rocking chair with his shotgun, on his porch with his dog, you know, like just rocking back and forth, not doing anything for the rest of your life. And you don't want that. You want to be changing, you want to be growing, you want to be dreaming.
Speaker 2:And if you're not good at it, don't worry about it. We just spent the whole weekend almost suffering through it.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Right, suffering through trying to dream, and you know, at this point I'm committed to try to just keep on dreaming. I do. I do experience moments of upliftment, of of raising myself up when I engage, that and um, and I think it's possible to have little tiny reminders that you're capable of this, and when you just have those little tiny moments where you're dreaming something funny and it makes you smile, that's good, that's just good practice, because it's all practice, right, everything is practice. Whatever's going through your mind is practice. So choosing what goes through your mind is practicing, choosing what goes through your mind, and then you'll get better at it and you'll get better and better and better at it and little tiny improvements dramatically improve your life. I mean, that's been my journey. That's why I engaged in hypnosis so long ago.
Speaker 2:You know why I've engaged in meditation practices long ago. You know why I've engaged in meditation practices, why I read the vast volumes of stuff that I read in terms of, you know, our greater meaning and our greater mind and our human mind and our higher mind and all these things. You know, I've just filled my head with new ideas and that has significantly just improved my quality of life. It is worth that practice, even when I catch myself going back to old ways and old thoughts, I'm now practiced at recognizing that I used to be bad at it. Now I'm not good at it, but I'm better at it, and as I get better at it I catch myself sooner and then I don't go down those rabbit holes that could cause me to lose a whole day of my life to negative thinking and negative reactions and negative observation Just trying to find all the problems with life. So it's just practice. Thinking is practice. Whatever you've been thinking, you were practicing thinking that, and so, yeah, practice something else.
Speaker 2:Dream a dream something audacious, something way beyond practicality. Imagine a perfect world and your perfect role within that perfect world.
Speaker 1:I think you know. A little addition before we wrap up here is, if you've got a dream, dream about it and find the little bits of you know, those little joys that come about as you start to dream, and then you're going to notice, with that dream in mind, that inspiration, little inspirations, hit you or little doors open here and there, and when you're in that joy moment, or when you're in that inspired moment, take action, right, take those little actions, um, because those doors are now visible to you. They were there all the time, but they're visible to you because you don't have fear blocking them in those joyful moments heading towards your dream nice that's, that's perfect instruction.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so we're on our third day of dreaming and I want to dream some more today. I'm going to go to the gym. We're going to come back. We're want to dream some more today. I'm going to go to the gym. I'm going to come back.
Speaker 1:We're going to dream some more. Okay Dream, I won't get breaking this one.
Speaker 2:Sweet dreams are made of these.
Speaker 1:Dream a little dream for me. Oh my God, take that out, okay, bye.
